Your ex may or may not still be in your good graces, but there is definitely at least one of his, her, or their friends that you cannot WAIT to never, ever see again. It’s not a good sign to have such strong feelings about a romantic partners friends, but at the same time, it’s very unlikely that you will fall in love with every single person in your partner’s life like you fell when you met your ex. Perhaps keep a count next time of how many people you don’t like who happen to surround your S.O. This may help you determine if the relationship is worth staying in…
Many people go through phases, and perhaps you have even been a bad influence at one point in your life. That being said, it is much easier to see that someone is a bad influence when you are witnessing the bad habits and patterns being encouraged over and over again. Of all your ex’s friends, you’ve probably had the most fights about this specific person. The bad influence friend is the worst!
This friend is dangerous for your ex, and you might hate that they are still involved even after you’ve broken up. Whether it’s emotional, mental, or physical, unhealthy patterns should be broken, but by now you’ve probably learned that you can’t break someone else’s bad habits for them. Next time you start dating someone, try to see if they’ve taken the initiative to break their own bad habits. By doing so, you may also be breaking the bad habit of trying to fix someone. You’re welcome.
Maybe it’s the arrogance, maybe it’s the recklessness, or maybe it’s the hate speech. There are so many things that are just plain obnoxious, attention grabbing, and unnecessary, yet people still do them. That one friend who constantly cracked jokes that made you cringe or gave lectures that made your stomach turn is an annoyance you have no intention of dealing with anymore. So don’t.
This person probably has a lot problems they are dealing with, perhaps problems even confirmed by your ex. Still, you want to enjoy your time with your ex’s friends, and it’s questionable why your ex always defended someone who was so unpleasant. Was this friend always this way? Best to use your best judgement based on this person’s backstory.
This can of worms comes up more and more, especially if your ex has had a lot of exes. Although there is of course the situation in which your ex is still in love with their ex, this is not always the case. Just because it makes you jealous doesn’t make it wrong.
I don’t think it’s wrong for one of your ex’s friends to happen to be their ex. You could even stay friends with your ex, if you wanted to. Of course, this depends on the two people and whether or not it really is friendship. If your ex is wonderful, or if their ex is wonderful, it would suck to lose them. Just because a romantic partnership didn’t workout doesn’t mean you have to hate each other forever, and it could be a sign of maturity to choose friendship instead of parting ways (just as parting ways can be a sign of maturity as well).
There’s nothing wrong with having admirers, but it kind of sucked that you had to tip-toe around their feelings every time you guys hung out. Maybe there was even that one time that you hung out by yourself with this special member of your ex’s friends, and maybe that was when you realized they were really into you.
Whether or not they expressed their feelings for you, you don’t have to worry about hurting their feelings anymore. That being said, you could have just had a kind and honest conversation with them once you realized that they were interested in more. It’s okay to tell people the truth, especially when it’s making you uncomfortable. Just do it respectfully.
You knew it, they knew, and your ex might have known it, too. One of your ex’s friends was totally hot for them and they weren’t good at hiding it either. Whatever the situation was, it probably made you uncomfortable, intentionally or not!
If your ex encouraged this behavior, then that’s something you could have talked to your ex about. If your ex didn’t encourage the behavior, but was aware of it, you could have had a respectful discussion with your ex about how this person made you uncomfortable. Perhaps your ex could have spoken to this person and made their feelings and intentions clear. Doing this doesn’t always result in an admirer changing their behavior, but at least everything is out in the open after communicating.
This member of your ex’s friends might have been super cute, they may have done it on purpose, they might have just had a really bubbly personality. It doesn’t really matter. When people flirt with your person, it might make you feel a certain way, and that might not be so pleasant. Why did they always have to be all over your ex?
Fact is, if this person was just being themself, then the problem was with you or your relationship. For starters, you need to be confident and know your own worth so you don’t endlessly worry about someone ‘better’ or ‘more’ whatever getting between you and your relationship. You deserve someone who wants to stay because they know you’re awesome. Second, you could always talk to a partner about jealousy. Jealousy is natural and comes up in all sorts of ways for people. It’s okay to tell someone what’s making you feel jealous, how you are dealing with it, and how they can support you if they want to. Honesty is a wonderful thing to include in your relationships.
Everyone knew they were perfect. Perfectly kind, perfectly smart, perfectly cool, perfectly beautiful, perfectly funny, perfectly talented, perfectly successful. Just perfect. They had it all. Maybe you were jealous of it, maybe you were worried your ex was as in love with them as you were, but you won’t be measuring yourself up against this one of your ex’s friends anymore. Hopefully.
There is nothing wrong with this person having it all together, or appearing to. If they made you feel less than on purpose, that sucks and they aren’t perfect at all. However, if you felt less than all on your own then you have some soul searching to do, my friend. You can have it all, too. It just might not look exactly the same as it does for them. Everyone has their own perfect balance inside of them to discover!
It could have been because they were argumentative, because they radically disagreed with you and your beliefs, or because they were just a massive asshole. This one of your ex’s friends was always getting on your nerves, pushing your buttons, and trying to get a rise out of you (and succeeding).
Sometimes fighting is immature, unnecessary, and frustrating, but if you had to constantly stand up for your beliefs and defend yourself then I am so sorry! It’s hard to constantly feel attacked, and perhaps they were feeling the same way. There are some things worth disagreeing over, but if those weren’t the types of things you were fighting about, maybe you should reflect on how much you like to fight, and why you might feel the need to start or engage in meaningless fights. You don’t have to prove anything.
They might have been really sweet, but that didn’t change the fact that you just didn’t want to be friends with this person. This one of your ex’s friends was friendly and you might have even liked them, but being compatible is not the same thing as not disliking someone. There is a whole range of ‘like.’
Consider why you didn’t want to be friends. Were they not ‘cool’ enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough? Whatever enough? If so, that’s on you. Do some work, friend. If you honestly just didn’t get along with them in a way that felt good, productive, healthy, or worth investing in for you, then that’s okay. You don’t have to make friends with every person who wants to be friends with you.
The ‘too cool for you’ attitude is just plain rude and arrogant. I’m sure we’ve all done it at least a little bit at one time or another, but realizing that you’re just being an asshole is the most important part of this little phase. If someone never gets there, don’t bother waiting.
This one of your ex’s friends might have been going through a transformation, positive or not. Hopefully, it never really affected you, but if you ever did feel not ‘cool’ enough, please know that it’s all an act. People shouldn’t need to make themselves separate, elite, or ‘more’ in order to feel good about themselves. You are cool enough to be you and that’s what matters most.
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