Why Joining A Sorority Didn’t Give Me The Sisterhood I Thought It Would

When I went through sorority recruitment I knew nothing about sorority life, but I knew it was supposed to make a person feel supported and loved. This is why joining a sorority did not give me the sisterhood I thought it would. I learned very quickly, or thought I learned what it was really about. Everyone always said the rumors were NOT true. There was no hazing, no mean girls, no insane parties. Just genuine sisterhood. Sisterhood that you will find your bridesmaids and your life long friends. Even though it may be true that I made some kind and candid friendships, the sisterhood as a whole was not all it cracked up to be. Not at all.

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My chapter is not the number one choice of house for most people when joining a sorority. Most people within the sorority decided on this as their second preference going through primary or formal recruitment. I have heard rumors that we are more “weird” or “quirky”. Lately though, it has been more or a “stick up their butt” and “lack of sisterhood”. I was disappointed that I did not get into my first choice of a chapter. But I gave my new house a shot because I can deal with quirky and weird. Isn’t everyone a little odd? I ended up loving my chapter for all of its imperfections. There were so many types of girls that anyone could fit in anywhere. Everyone was so down to earth, non-judgemental, and accepting of everyone. However, as new women began to fulfill leadership roles, the goal became not to have a genuine and loving sisterhood but to become the best chapter on campus. They want to be the prettiest girls, have the greatest personalities, the best of friends, the whole shebang. Even though it was ALL fake. As a “mean girl clique” took over the chapter they became more controlling of the women to make sure we stepped up our image. Basically, if women were expressing themselves in a way different than the mold, they were targeted by the clique. The women in this chapter became so attention hungry that they cared more about how the chapter looked to those outside of it and allowed the genuine sisterhood we once had slip through the cracks.

There is no sense of “the gray areas”

The mindset of the women in charge goes from one extreme the next. Rather than everyone having fun and being friends, the second someone does something that the women in charge do not agree with, you are in trouble. Rather than pulling their sister aside and making sure everything in their life is stable, their mental health is stable, their physical health is stable. They look directly at what code the sister was in violation of and sentence you to probation. Regardless of the reasoning behind the action. A sister in my chapter had a father who had a severe stroke. One that should have taken his life. All of the family’s money is going towards his rehabilitation as he continues to regain control over the left side of his body. Rather than asking the new member why she was not paying her sorority bill, they decided to suspend her membership, in other words, kick her out of the chapter. There was no discussion that this could happen or was close to happening. She did something wrong, but there was no consideration for the circumstances. I have even been in trouble for “my attitude” simply because the women in charge do not like me as I vocally do not agree with their actions. Even writing this now could get me in trouble!

There is no loyalty or honesty

As sisters, you are supposed to be there for each other. No matter what. Sisters get mad at each other, sisters fight. But, at the end of the day, they are always there for each other. That is how my relationship is with my biological sister. According to women in other chapters, that is how their sisterhoods run as well. When joining a sorority, this is what I expected. However, in my chapter, there are only cliques. If someone from a different clique has an issue, the clique in charge will overpower every other clique as they make the rules. On top of that, people are over the top nice to your face, but as soon as you turn around they shove a knife right through your back. Now, I am not going to sit here and pretend I have a shiny halo over my head, but when you are constantly hearing the things your supposed “sisters” are saying behind your back when this whole time you were loyal to them thinking they are your friend, you’re not going to be happy. Obviously, people are going to find their niche within their house. There are going to be people you get along with more than others. But that does not mean you have to be enemies with everyone else. No one has emotion for anyone that is not their BFF. There is no sense of understanding. When you are joining a sorority, you expect those sisters to have each other’s backs. No one has anyone’s back but their own.

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They control your every move

Whether they are controlling your actions based on social media or they heard something through the grape line, if they do not like it they will do everything in their power to put an end to it. A lot of sororities have a social media policy not allowing people to post alcohol, drugs, partying or anything of that manner. This can definitely be helpful to limit posting inappropriate content that an employer my night approve of. But if I take a pic of my sis with nothing ill-suited near her and there is a margarita on the table of the people behind us, we will get flagged. You could be drinking milk in a red solo cup and if the drink is not the main focus of the picture you’re screwed. Even if you’re 21. No worries though, if you are friends with the people who flag these things, you won’t get in trouble! Where does that leave our sisterhood? Not only that the sorority is completely misogynistic. Totally ironic for a group of women. You would think they would be each other’s hype women, not be prejudice against each other. A woman in my chapter was an ambassador for a swimsuit company. She sold swimsuits via IG to make some extra cash cause we all know how broke we are in college. She was interrogated by the women in charge that if she did not remove the “inappropriate” content from her profile she was to be out on probation. When she refused, they compromised saying she could keep it only if she removed any and all affiliation with the chapter. Meaning no pictures or headers with our letters, crest, insignia, nothing. Basically, they did not want her associated with our chapter name. This happens regarding situations outside of the internet as well such as a woman just about losing her membership because she was pregnant and only did not because she never verbally admitted she was until she graduated. Or simply women getting involved in situations that do not even involve the sorority such as getting in trouble in the dorms or even a rumor someone may have started about you. You are consistently walking on eggshells.

I would like to disclaim that just because my chapter has some issues they need to resolve does not mean sorority life is bad. I have a lot of good memories in my chapter and would not go back and change anything. Without this chapter, I would not have been able to meet the few diamonds in the rough that I consider my true sissies. What experiences do you have in your sorority or fraternity? Comment below!

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