When entering a sexual relationship with your partner, it’s important to discuss boundaries. Whether you and your partner have been together for years or a short period of time, establishing boundaries will lead to a healthy and consensual sex-life. By communicating boundaries, you and your partner will be about to explore different sexual avenues without feeling uncomfortable or pressured. Although you might be open to certain sexual pleasures, your partner may not, or vice versa. Identifying sexual boundaries will lead to a pleasurable and enjoyable experience for those involved.
As humans, we all have varying levels of experience when it comes to sex. While some people may have multiple sexual experiences under their belts, others may not have any experience at all. Depending on your beliefs surrounding sex, you could be well versed about certain sexual pleasures, or not have much knowledge at all. When entering a sexual relationship, it’s important to discuss your experiences involving sex. This isn’t to say that you and your partner should list off every sexual encounter that you’ve taken part in. However, you should be able to distinguish where you and your partner are at sexually. Although you may have had multiple partners and are aware of your limitations, your partner may still be learning about themselves sexually, or vice versa. While you may be ready to take part in more advanced sexual activities, your partner might be more comfortable starting off with the basics. By establishing a baseline and discussing your comfortability, you and your partner can open a dialogue for what your sex life will entail.
There’s a common misconception that setting boundaries could “ruin the mood” or lead to an awkward conversation. If you and your partner aren’t able to have these types of conversations, there’s a good chance you shouldn’t be having sexual relations in the first place. In order to have a healthy and thriving sex-life, those involved should be able to comfortably state their expectations and desires. Giving consent and setting boundaries isn’t meant to be a monotoned step-by-step process. In fact, giving consent can be sexy. Telling your partner what you want them to do to your body, is a bigger turn on than you may think. While it can be fun and exhilarating to communicate your sexual needs, it’s also important to establish what you don’t like. If at any point, you or your partner isn’t comfortable with what’s happening, you should speak up and put an end to it. Under no circumstance, should anyone feel pressured or obligated to do what they don’t want to. It’s your body, no one else’s. Don’t allow someone to make choices for you.
Nowadays, it’s not uncommon for the average American to have seen porn at least once in their lifetime. In fact, multiple porn sites receive billions of views each and every day. While some porn may seem harmless, other videos can portray unrealistic expectations. Believe it or not, not every female or male is comfortable with the sexual encounters that occur in certain videos. It’s also important to note, that sex isn’t always as glamorous as it’s portrayed. If you’re entering a sexual relationship with the expectations that you’re going to recreate scenes you’ve watched, then you’re going to be highly disappointed. Porn looks appealing because the people in these videos are actors. It’s their job to make sex look exciting and flawless. For some couples, watching porn is great for setting the mood or finding inspiration for new experiences. Although it may seem enticing to choke your partner or throw in some BDSM, be sure to introduce the idea rather than jumping right into it. For all you know, your partner could be open to trying something different. They may even suggest trying something you didn’t think of. Just remember, there’s a huge difference between fantasy and reality, so don’t set boundaries or expectations that aren’t realistic.
If you or your partner are interested in spicing up your sex life, the first step is to initiate a conversation. You could begin by saying, “Have you ever tried this…” or “I was thinking about trying this…” In addition to introducing new ideas, it’s important to check back in about certain sexual encounters that you may not have enjoyed. For instance, you could say, “I know we tried doing ___, but I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would” or “I didn’t like how ____ felt.” Following this, you could reiterate what you did like or suggest ways to make a certain sexual activity feel better. Furthermore, having conversations about boundaries should be continuous. It’s not uncommon to change your mind about sexual pleasures or agreeing to a sexual act that you may have rejected before. It’s completely acceptable to change your mind about what takes place in the bedroom. In order to make sure that your boundaries and your partner’s boundaries are valued, it’s crucial that you’re open and honest about how you feel. Communication is key to a healthy and consensual sex life.
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