Gay sex is full of both pain and pleasure, of both disgust and thrill. Before you begin your sexual journey as a gay man, be certain that you and your partner are ready. Don’t lose your virginity to someone who doesn’t care for your well-being. Gay sex is a delicate process that requires patience and care. With that, here are the nine reasons why gay sex is simultaneously awful and amazing.
Gay sex involves massive amounts of preparation. If you’re not already aware, men don’t have the natural lubrication that women have. Thus, the bottom needs to lube up and prepare inch by inch. Start out small and slowly increase in width. Once you feel comfortable with inserting an object equal in size to your partner’s penis, only then can you perform anal sex. Preparation is not something to bypass. Pain is inevitable during anal sex, but it doesn’t have to overwhelm the pleasure.
Pain is a necessary part of anal sex. Irrespective of all the preparation, you’ll still feel a bit uncomfortable, especially during your first time. The pain is akin to an aching sensation inside your body. The feeling is such a foreign sensation–because you’ve likely only had waste exiting, never a penis entering– which makes it all the more unpleasant. For some virgins, I’m sure you have loads of anal preparation under your belt. However, most gay virgins have only experimented with their fingers. In retrospect, I regret not preparing on my own before my first time, so try experimenting with a few objects, preferably not your sister’s tooth brush.
For the bottom, complete submission is both thrilling and scary. You can tell your partner to slow down or speed up, but in the end, he controls the speed of his thrusts. He controls the balance between pain and pleasure. You can decide to risk disappointing him or continue to endure the pain. A fear of disappointment prevents many bottoms from enjoying sex. Don’t be afraid to let your partner know if he’s hurting you. Your partner’s pleasure should never be at your expense.
In same sex relationships, some men fall prey to the fallacy that all gays are willing to consent. To be clear, I do think that boundaries exist. I just think that many gay men are quick to disregard those boundaries. During sex especially, same sex partners will skip consent in order to satisfy a kink. These people aren’t all murderous rapists. They just genuinely believe that you’re into whatever they’re into. I’m sure plenty of straight men inadvertently disregard boundaries as well, but unintentional heedlessness seems to be more rampant in the gay community.
Of course, heterosexual people have to worry about STDs as well. But anal sex heightens the risk of contracting AIDS. This is why safe sex is even more important in a homosexual relationship. A fleeting moment of intense pleasure isn’t worth the risk. Practice safe sex during or before anal intercourse. This can mean wearing a condom or talking to your doctor about medication that can preempt AIDS. In addition, it is equally important to get tested on a regular basis. The experience isn’t near as anxiety inducing as you think it will be, and there’s typically no judgement.
The moments after your first time will be guilt ridden. On the one hand, the experience is of course pleasurable and exhilarating. However, on the other, you’ll feel unclean and guilty. This isn’t so much due to societal intolerance. It’s more the result of a gay famine. Straight kissing and sex scenes are ubiquitous. But us gays are deprived of gay kissing and love making outside of porn. And this scarcity of gayness is completely natural. I expect gay kids to lack exposure to their community for years to come. After all, that’s a necessary part of being a minority. However, this gay famine nonetheless leads to a feeling of disgust in the moments after sex. Over the years, that disgust will dissipate, but it never completely fades. You’ll always feel disgust towards an act that was previously foreign to you.
Now that we’ve sufficiently addressed the negatives, let’s turn to the positives of gay sex. Firstly, gay sex has a flavor of the forbidden. Put simply, gay sex is tempting, because it’s forbidden. I’m sure that at this point I sound like some devil tempting you to give into your carnal desires, to give into the forbidden. But homosexuality is a perfectly natural phenomenon that many animals exhibit. It should never be deemed amoral simply because it doesn’t produce offspring. That being said, don’t let the forbidden allure of gay sex—or really sex in general– cloud your judgement. Sex is an enjoyable aspect of life, but you should never spend inordinate amounts of time engaging in it. As obvious as that may seem, there’s surprisingly no middle way between how sex is viewed. It’s either wicked or beautiful.
Unlike heterosexual sex, homosexual partners are familiar with what the other partner is feeling. Yes, they may not always look to stimulate those feelings. Like I’ve noted before, some gay men are too concerned with satisfying their own kinks, hoping that you’ll enjoy the change of speed. But generally, gay men know what their male partners are feeling and seek to elevate those feelings to orgasmic heights.
Many gay love affairs have been kept secret. While that may seem like a grim fact, there’s a heightened intimacy in secrecy. From an early age, couples want to make their relationship known. They do so by holding hands in the school hallways or conspicuously kissing each other before departing. But there’s something much more special and intimate about a secret love affair. You feel that your relationship doesn’t have to be conspicuous, that it’s above the showy bullshit of other relationships. It’s during midnight tryst that you can truly connect with a person, isolated from the rest of the world. That’s not to say that heterosexual relationships lack any element of secrecy, but they’re not purely based on secrecy.
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