What Adult Videos Don’t Teach You
There is a lot that adult videos don’t teach you. Adult videos are one of those forms of media that, (maybe not surprisingly), puts out some pretty inaccurate and problematic portrayals of healthy partners and healthy sex. When it comes to discussing what adult videos don’t teach you, it is simply so as to know better as you’re watching what healthy sex and relationships look like and to be more consistently aware of inaccuracies so it doesn’t negatively affect your social outlook and relationships in reality.
Equal Treatment
One of the biggest things that can be noticed from adult videos is the portrayal of gross inequality of treatment. When it comes to pleasure and especially the giving of sexual pleasure, it is very important to be an equal sexual partner and participant. Giving sexual action is just as important as receiving sexual actions. If you are given oral sex, especially to completion, you should definitely be open to reciprocating that behavior and giving equal oral sex, of equal quality and quantity.
When you receive really pleasurable sex, there is a lot of reward in the equal participation of giving pleasure back. In adult videos there is very often, especially in heterosexual videos, a gross inequality in oral sex given and received. The female more often than not gives lengthy oral sex to the male while she more often than not receives little if any oral sex in return. And it rarely begins with her receiving the oral sex if it’s ever given. Equal treatment by and towards sexual partners increases encouragement toward more giving and ultimately more pleasurable sex.
Repeated Consent
Arguably the biggest thing adult videos don’t teach or portray is consent, and repeated consent at that. The lack of portrayed consent in many scenarios, even if both parties appear to enjoy the behaviors and engagement, is problematic. Just because they don’t say no doesn’t mean they’re saying yes and this verbal consent is very important. You want to always make sure your sexual partner is comfortable and thinking positively of the experience and actions.
Show Respect
It is always important to show respect to your sexual partners both in language and behavior. Truly one of the sexiest things is to give and receive respect for one’s needs and desires. If you know your sexual partner a little more, don’t press for sexual actions you think or even know they would not find pleasurable or engaging. Their pleasure is your pleasure when it comes to equal treatment and equal satisfaction.
Also, be mindful of the language of respect and don’t use language or addresses toward your partner that they might not be accepting or desirous of. Learn how they personally wish to be spoken to during sexual engagement and also learn what they really like to hear. Individualized attention is a great way to show respect and care for the unique person you are with at that time.
Open Space
When having sex, adult videos don’t teach you the value of maintaining open, communicative space. You should have an open space mentally, emotionally, and physically where both participants feel encouraged to share their opinions, views, and ideas about the actions engaged in. Let them know verbally that you are open to new ideas, including toys, positions, and/or locations, for example. What new stuff are either of you interested in trying?
The best way, especially with repeat sexual partners, to keep your sex life interesting and always feeling new is to always be trying new things and experimenting with new ideas. This is also the best way to find new things each of you likes to do sexually. ”You never know how you feel about something until you try it” is a good philosophy toward sex. Be careful with your experimentation, however, and don’t put yourselves in any unsafe or unhealthy scenarios that could result in severe injury.
Sensations
Adult videos don’t teach you all the great touches that can really heighten your sexual experiences. Learning the individual sensitive spots of your partner’s body will make you a better, more engaging sexual partner. Light touches are a key to livening up the physical senses and awakening sex drive, heightening the sexual experience and resultant pleasure. For light touches, stroke or kiss lightly the areas of the ears, neck, forearms, inner thighs, and vaginal margin as applicable.
Also learn the pressure points for more sensitive, pleasurable sex. These are the clitoris as applicable, and the nipples. The areolas, sides of the breasts, and abdomen are among the least sensitive areas. Learn the spots that make your specific sexual partner go crazy in a positive way and their sexual experience and yours will be heightened. They will also likely be more responsive and giving back to you. The best sexual actions are giving and taking, which often encourage further give and take.
Empowerment
When you are establishing and maintaining equality, consent, respect, and openness with a sexual partner, adult videos don’t teach you how empowering it can be for yourself and your partner. Take the positivity and be empowered to be more open and verbal with your desires as they occur. Continue to establish your own encouragement of the empowerment of your partner toward the experience as well.
A great way to empower yourself is to switch up so-called physical power positions. With established consent, take dominance over your partner by repositioning above or on top of them in a position of choice. This can be very sexy for the dominant partner at the time. It can also be very sexy for the dominated! To show how much you want the other physically and/or are wanted can be very sexually stimulating for both.
Vulnerability
Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability through the whole of your sexual experiences. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable will make you more open and will also make it easier for your partner to show vulnerability. Show your insecurities about new ideas while similarly showing your openness to trying them.
Confidence
Taking yourself out of the mentality of the experience can really help to boost your confidence in actions that at times may feel awkward, unnatural, or uncomfortable at first. Shown confidence to your partner will, like the other important parts of sexual behavior, better empower your partner to show their own. Take charge of your desires, feel empowered by your body and your feelings, and let go of your anxieties. You will have a truer, more pleasurable sexual experience.
