As much as we all want casual sex to sometimes just be casual sex, things always seem to get sticky. There are definitely those people you can just hookup with, no feelings involved, but they are less common than the ones you slowly become more and more attached to until you’re cursing yourself for slipping up. It’s so understandable. You have to kind of like and enjoy being with someone to hookup with them regularly, and when you’re sharing that kind of time and intimacy, feelings grow. Here are 10 ways to help figure out if your random hookup is turning into something more.
Texting can say a lot, even when the message just says “hey.” If the other party in your random hookup is frequently reaching out to you FIRST for more than just a booty call, something else is going on here. That being said, be wary. A lot of times people just want someone to talk to or to pay attention to them. It doesn’t immediately mean they’re interested in something more. But it does mean they’re jonesing for more contact, which could be a sign.
Texting conversations are nice because it’s easy to tell when someone isn’t interested in carrying it further. Both parties have to contribute if you’re going to keep talking, so if someone just says “haha nice” or “oh yeah,” then you can be sure they’re either dumb, or not interested in talking anymore. If your boy or girl is making an effort to find a new topic when the conversation begins to lull, they’re trying to talk to you more and maybe even get to know you better, which could definitely mean something.
It’s a common hookup norm and a clear sign someone isn’t interested in anything more if they always get up and leave when the fun is over. Maybe sometimes they really do have an early morning the next day, but not every time. Someone who stays overnight to cuddle is more likely to want something more than just a hookup. But cuddling is also plain nice so you can’t know for sure from just that. Add in an offer to go get breakfast the next morning, and now that’s a sign.
Sometimes you may meet up and get right down to business. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s kind of the point. But if on other occasions you take time to watch a movie, get drinks, or really talk beforehand, there could be something more going on. Spending quality time together outside of having sex is what we call dating.
Do you know what his parents do? Do you know her siblings’ names? Do you know where he grew up and his favorite childhood pet? Sharing this kind of personal information means you’re actually getting to know each other, which is a sign of becoming closer and more emotionally connected. It may have started out just learning his last name, but you now know enough to stand in as a fake girlfriend… like the plot of your fave romcoms, and we all know how those end. However, make sure he’s learning stuff about you too, and not just unloading all of his problems on you as a stand-in therapist, rather than a stand-in girlfriend.
Do you see each other more than once every few weeks? Maybe even more than once a week? This means not just that you’re spending a lot of quality time together, but also he or she probably isn’t spending as much time with other people. Sure, they could be seeing someone else on all the other nights, but a person only has so much time. If they’re with you a lot, there’s something to be said for that.
The bed is an intimate place. You can’t even sit on it with someone without feeling kind of awkward or connected. You don’t have to be in a relationship to enjoy sharing intimate moments, including cuddling or sleeping together after hooking up. However, if you find yourself face to face in bed a lot, talking about life or sometimes just looking at each other (not awkwardly), something is probably up. I don’t know how anyone could do that without catching a few feels.
Hooking up with someone you haven’t previously known can be bizarre. You’re like islands to each other. You don’t have any outside connections, and you hardly know who they are beyond hooking up. Getting to know each other’s friends changes that. It gives you an anchor in their life and a better perspective as to who they really are. Friends are just another connection, and the more of those you make, the more likely it is you’re no longer just hooking up.
And not just in a booty call “u up?” kind of way. If you find them offering to run errands or do favors for you or even inviting you to public events, the lines of the random hookup boundaries have begun to blur. Not having a problem with doing something for someone else even if it’s out of your way is a sign that you care about them. If he had a hard day and you immediately want to bring over his favorite alcohol to commiserate together, pull back the reigns. You’re not in Kansas anymore.
There comes a time in hooking up, at least for me, where you realize whoever you’re hooking up with could randomly die and no one would tell you because, well, no one really knows who you are. His mom isn’t going to look through his phone and say oh this Heather girl seems like she cared about my son. I should probably let her know. When the time comes that this thought occurs to you, probably you’ve developed a bond with this person that extends beyond that of a casual hookup, especially if it bothers you. Although it’s also just a weird thought, so it could bother you for that reason too.
All of these tips are possible signs your random hookup has become something more, but none of them are for sure! Plenty of people just like talking, texting, getting to know, or just spending intimate time with people they’re not necessarily interested in exclusively dating. The only way to know for sure is to be straight forward and ask. If you think your hookup might have resulted in feels, have an open conversation. Guessing and playing games will only lead to pain and confusion, especially if your heart is on the line.
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