Romantic relationships and friendships are tricky things. I have noticed that we have been raised to believe that romantic relationships are the most important part of our lives. I mean in the beginning of a romantic relationship all you want to do is hang out with your significant other all the time because it’s new and you are really into them. However, it is so bad we kind of put our best friends on the back burner. Well, we have to learn that friendship is equally as important as a romantic relationship. Also, it is all about balance. Here are 10 tips that will help balance things out between your friendships and relationship.
This is already an important mile stone in your relationship, and also you probably do this already without even thinking about it. However, the fact that your best friends meet the person you are dating means that this person is special to you. Your best friends need to see what is so special. This also makes your SO less of a stranger to your friends which makes everyone more comfortable.
Again, this is something you probably do anyway without even realizing how significant it is. If your SO is invited to game night, your SO gets to meet your best friends and hang out with them for more time. Also, you get to hang out with your best friends and no one feels left out. However, don’t cling to your SO while you are hanging out with all your friends. Talk to everyone. Be in the moment. You are having fun.
Depending on how comfortable your friends are with you sticking your tongue down your SO’s throat in front of them, I know it makes me a little uncomfortable if I am third wheeling hard core and my best friend is hard core making out with their SO. Like what am I supposed to do? Just sit there all awkward? I mean I’m not saying you shouldn’t show any sort of display of affection towards your SO when you are out in public. Holding hands is fine. Kissing is fine. Just don’t straight up have sex when your best friend is sitting in the seat next to you.
I hate when my best friends just all the sudden disappears when they get a SO. I text them and they are too busy with their SO to text back. It is okay to be busy and want to be with your partner. However, it is really bad when you are feeling like your best friend is ghosting you because they are always with their SO. A healthy balance is key here. Sometimes you need to make time to text back your friends.
I started doing this when I started always hanging out with my work friend and my other best friend needed help with her homework. I made every Tuesday a day when I go to my best friend’s house and help her with her homework. The same thing applies with friendships and romantic relationships. For example, if you tend to have Wednesdays off to chill with your friends, don’t go off and hang out with your SO on Wednesday. Wednesdays are for friends. SO is welcome to join, but only if it is okay with your other friends. It’s all about balance.
You have no idea how many times my friends made plans with me and then the minute a boyfriend was involved, my friends were suddenly busy and had to cancel with me. First, that’s inconsiderate of your friend’s time because they probably made these plans in advance with you and revolved their whole day around it and now you kind of left them high and dry for your SO. Second, it makes the friend feel less than or not appreciated because you dropped them for your SO. It’s just not a nice thing to do and it doesn’t help your friendships. The only exception to this would be emergencies. For example, someone died or someone’s in the hospital or your SO is in the hospital for it to be okay to blow off your friends to be with your SO.
Girl’s Night is an important time for all your girl friends to come together and just hang out and chill. If you start to stop planning girl’s night or stop coming to it all together, your friends are going to notice. Girl’s night isn’t an all weekend thing (it could be.) It honestly can be 12 hours of your time just hanging with your friends. Turn your phone off. No texts or phone calls. Just be in the moment with your friends. Your friends will appreciate your space and time with you more if you aren’t constantly glued to your phone talking to your SO.
This is important for the balance part. This also will help prevent the whole blowing off plans with either your SO or your friends. There is nothing wrong with wanting to plan things out in advance, especially when you have work, school, and projects to do as well as try to keep up with hanging out with both your friends and your SO as well as keep your sanity. Planning things out in advance also shows that you respect everyone’s time and space enough to try to fit them into your schedule. It also helps you stay organized. Put those plans in a calendar or in your phone so you don’t forget. Put an alarm on your phone that’s connected to your calendar. It’s what I do for important doctor’s appointments and other appointments. Why not do this for plans with friends and SO?
I learned this one the hard way when I was going out with my then boyfriend at the time. I stressed out so much trying to make sure my friends liked him that I freaked out when one of my hometown friends didn’t like my then boyfriend. That hometown friend and I look back at it and laugh because I see now why she didn’t like him in the first place. However, you shouldn’t try so hard to force friendships between your friends and your SO, especially if you’re just doing it to accommodate your busy schedule. Like sometimes it’s good to keep those two parts of your life separate. However, don’t completely isolate one from the other. It’s okay for those two people to meet and hang out once. But, it’s okay if they aren’t best friends too. Don’t try to force it. Trust me, it will save you a lot of fights.
If you haven’t learned anything, this one tip is the most important tip I can give you. I have been on the other side where one of my best guy friends of six years dumped our friendship because his girlfriend of a month didn’t like me because I was his girl best friend. Losing a friend hurts just as bad as losing a romantic relationship. Your friendships have equal value. Treat them with the same respect and time you’d give your romantic relationships. In my case, it had nothing to do with me. Your friends have been there for you through thick and thin. You have been there for your friends through thick and thin. Friends know you better than you know yourself sometimes. That deserves the same respect and value as a romantic relationship. Do not just stop hanging out with your friends because it doesn’t work in your schedule and your time with your SO.
If your SO isn’t letting you hang out with your friends or takes up too much of your time and doesn’t let you have room to breathe and be on your own, then you need to see the big red flags that your friends would tell you that they are.
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