Having tips to overcome social anxiety is crucial. College is a nerve-wrecking experience for most of us. New teachers, new peers, and a whole new vibe to try and catch up with. One great thing to remember about being a newbie is that you aren’t alone! More than likely the person you just walked past on main campus was wandering around trying to find their next class! New students enroll and transfer schools all the time, so meeting someone new is bound to happen if you let it. Most colleges also have clubs specifically made for new students so definitely check out your school’s club list. And maybe next time you see someone looking lost, ask them where they’re headed! Chances are, even if you don’t know where it is you’ll be able to make a connection and maybe a new friend! Until then, here are a few tips to help you manage your social anxiety and get back to doing things you love.
I know, I know, cliché. BUT, if you’ve actually given this a try you’ll know it works in a pinch! When you’re feeling anxious but are in public and have to keep it moving, take a moment and slowly inhale. Count to a certain number, say, four and hold your breath the same length of time. After you’ve held it at least four seconds, slowly release all of the air you’ve pent up, and make sure you release even after your four-count if need be. A big cause of anxiety is when our minds are racing our bodies begin to react and our breathing speeds up, except we aren’t breathing out enough—we’re continually breathing in and are literally “working ourselves up.”
You are a strong-minded, determined and amazing human being. Now is the time to shine. You’ve made the commitment—even if it’s as small as catching up with a friend over lunch—getting tutoring from your bland yet intimidating math teacher—or simply getting groceries— so stick with it! When the apprehension dissipates and the seemingly horrible torture is all over you’ll be happy you did it! What were your other choices? Sit in the house and mope? I don’t think so!
Okay, so you’re going to have days where you sit in the house and mope because you feel like you aren’t good enough. Or you feel too scared of rejection to reach out to anyone. These days do not define you. These days will pass. The important idea is to not accept defeat. Just because you don’t feel well enough to participate in whatever crap-show life may currently be throwing at you doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you shouldn’t ever try again. Use these bad days for reflection. Get your feelings out on paper, call someone close to you that can talk some sense into you and bring you back from the cloudy days because there will be some. Don’t suffer alone.
Your person could be your mom, your best friend, your best friend’s mom, your old neighbor or even someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile but feel the need to. Whoever your person is, find them and hold onto them. Find someone who will always pick up the phone. Find someone who will always reply to your text, someone who will come to you when they know you need them. We all show love differently, but communication is the biggest form. Once you find someone who will be there for you no matter what, consistently show them your appreciation.
Sometimes you hype yourself up too much to function. This is normal for people with anxiety. They stress every little thing before and after they do them, which can literally stress them in the form of gray hairs and migraines (trust me, I know)! Before doing something that puts you out of your comfort zone—say asking that cute guy in your Chem class to study and grab pizza—do something that will put you in your happy place. For you it might be going for a bike ride, singing in the shower, or eating a gallon of ice cream. Personally, I love doing Yoga when I can take my time, writing out what I’m thinking and feeling, or dancing to the same song I’ve been vibing to for the last week on blast and on repeat! Whatever it is, do it before you make moves and it will be sure to put you in a better place!
Maybe you just need some space for yourself to help you plan how you want things in your life to go. People with anxiety tend to be over-thinkers and over-planners. Driving on a scenic route with no direction or particular place to be is freeing. Add that to the windows down, playing your favorite music and you’ve got a great way to relax your mind. A lot of magazines suggest going for a walk to boost your mood and clear your thoughts, and this or even sitting on your porch to enjoy the weather could help prepare you to live your best life!
Still not ready to make friends? Volunteer at a pet shelter. Playing with puppies and kittens and helping out where you know you’re needed is a great feeling! Shelters are always in need of volunteers and supplies, so check out a local shelter and get involved! You might end up meeting people while you’re there, but it’s always optional! You could also volunteer at a nursing home, homeless shelter, or any other shelters around you that probably need your help! It’s a great feeling to help those in need.8
Your college should have some clubs relevant to your interests. Usually foreign languages, debate teams, greek life, photography, travel abroad, and many other types of clubs are available for you to join each semester. Definitely look at all of the extracurricular activities your school offers as well as the communal app Meetup before declaring a social anxiety induced death!
This may seem counterintuitive to someone that has extreme anxiety, so by all means, if this isn’t your cup of tea it’s understandable, but if you are dying to talk to people, and you already have a few in mind, why not invite them to a party? It doesn’t have to be a rager, it could even be as small as a kickback, but you should definitely consider it. People will remember it and you and you’ve just opened up a world of potential friends and connections with some pizza and a place to get to know everyone!
Yes they have those. Apps like Friender and Bumble are just a few that are made for people looking to make meaningful friendships and connections. If you’re struggling to get to know people in public settings, maybe a one-on-one would be better for you. You get to know people by mutual interests, much like a dating app. Check out an article on some of the newer friend apps here.
Whatever your go-to is for conquering social anxiety, use it. Don’t be ashamed of struggling with it. It’s understandable and there are ways to reduce it on a daily basis. Also, consider talking to a therapist if you find your anxiety getting in the way of your daily life. Try these tips and don’t give up until you find a beneficial way to ease your anxiety and crush it every day!
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