Throughout most of your twenties, you’ll be pining over tons of bad breakups. The good news is you’ll become progressively wiser and less likely to fall into another unhealthy relationship. Without further ado, here are the ten unhealthy relationships you’ll have in your twenties.
A martyr’s tricks aren’t any more abundant than in a relationship. These people are clearly egocentric, and their sense of morality is childish. They see themselves as heroes constantly circumventing their way through denigration and hatred. Their inability to self-reflect renders them stagnant and simplistic. You may fight alongside them against the world for awhile. But eventually their severe disillusionment and poor coping mechanisms will morph you into the enemy. But their troubles won’t end there. A perpetual victim will always have unhealthy relationships.
I’m using this term as its used by the general public, not as a psychological disorder. The latter is much more rare, though you’ll probably meet plenty of diagnosed narcissist throughout your life. I’m using the term narcissist to typify people who are excessively vain. Vanity tends to be more flagrant when it concerns outward appearance. People who love the way they look love the mirror and are often drunk with delusion. Because you’re obsessed with their appearance as well, you won’t be as capable of seeing their vanity. But beauty unfortunately fades. Pride in the superficial will inevitably lead to disappointment. Moreover, these people are typically dull beyond the surface.
These are all things you know. On the other hand, some narcissist are much more subtle in their expression. Although they can seem intriguing, these quiet narcissist are notorious for having unhealthy relationships. This type of narcissism is much more akin to the psychological disorder, although some are less abject. Still, almost all of them have a temper that’s linked to their egos. once their inflated self-perceptions are challenged, they often viciously lash out. These outbursts are sometimes referred to as narcissistic rage. You’ll meet plenty of them in your twenties, and though they can seem alluring, be cautious before entering into a relationship with one.
Distancing ourselves from extremely volatile partners, let’s discuss the terrible communicator. The terrible communicator either struggles with communication or prefers to remain stoic. The former is often easily dominated in discussions, but with the right person, they can work to improve their communication skills. They may be fearful of your reaction, or they could just struggle with language. Either way, the terrible communicator should be encouraged to speak their mind.
Conversely, the latter is much more detrimental to a relationship. Men are especially guilty of concealing their emotions, which all too often destroys relationships. Of course both an inability and a reticence to communicate can coexist in one partner, leading to even more hurtles. Though I’m only twenty myself, my advice for someone struggling with a terrible communicator is to be patient. Attempting to force improvement is counterproductive.
These people aren’t particularly unlikable, but they do struggle to retain partners. One reason for this is a highly simplistic worldview. However, unlike victims, these people don’t repel everyone in their lives. They just struggle with romantic relationships that call for depth. They may be able to maintain polite conversation, but they struggle to articulate their beliefs. Despite all this, many immature partners are far from dumb. In my experience, their lack of depth is sometimes a way of repelling pain. Pain is associated with rumination. Therefore, they try to avoid thought if they can. Too much thought will send them spiraling into depression. Others have an aversion toward pretensions, so they try to be self-effacing by being simplistic. All of which are not conducive to strong relationships.
I’m using the word eccentric sarcastically to characterize all the partners who go out of their way to be strange. These people proudly flaunt their strangeness and abhor any bit of conformity. While I do think that conformity is in large part damaging, simplistically defining yourself based on your erratic behavior is equally damaging. Firstly, valuing self-expression in general above all else places too much importance on the individual. Secondly, a simplistic view of individuality spreads praise to all the wrong places. A person shouldn’t be labeled bold for posting a picture of their red hair on social media. If he or she just loves the color, they probably wouldn’t be posting a pic on social media. Like victims, these people are attention seekers. Their entire life revolves around marginalizing themselves from others. Other than their insufferable personalities, the intrepid, eccentric partner is an insecure elitist. For whatever reason, they feel they have to compensate with unpredictability, and it’s this unpredictability that separates them from others. The eccentric partner will make you feel lesser, because they themselves feel lesser.
As trite as it sounds, trust is fundamental to any relationship. Being able to rely on another person comes with some level of trust. When I’m upset over something at work, I need to trust that your consolations are sincere. When I’m wanting to know about your life, I need to know that you are who you say you are. Trust is the pillar of any relationship. And if one partner violates that trust, the relationship loses its stability. From that point onward, every bit of suspicion is magnified, and every move is endlessly dissected, usually resulting in a breakup.
If you’ve been cheated on, just know you’re not alone. Many people have been cheated on and many people will continue to be cheated on. Humans seem to be geared toward promiscuity…but also toward monogamy. I’m not even going to begin to act as though I know the answer to why people cheat. But it is an interesting question. The Cheater is similar to the compulsive liar in that both violate the trust that is so integral to a relationship. In your twenties especially, many unhealthy relationships begin with infidelity and then slowly implode.
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