You have been single for a while now since you broke up with your ex. You haven’t stood on your own two feet for a while and everything feels strange and alien. Loved up couples spam your Instagram and Facebook feeds and you instantly think of your ex. Whenever your friends talk about their relationships, again you find your mind wondering back to your ex. But do you really miss him? Or do you just miss being in a relationship? The boundaries between missing someone and being lonely can become blurred when you are single, you might think of your ex simply because you haven’t found someone else who you want to be in a relationship with. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to rekindle your relationship with your ex, they were the last person you felt comfortable with so it is natural to be drawn back to them. In order to make the boundaries a bit clearer, below are a few tips for how to tell if you’re just lonely or if you really do miss your ex.
When you are in love with someone it is as if they take over your mind, they are the first person you think about when you wake up, and the last person you think about when you go to sleep. If you don’t think about your ex all the time, only when you are alone or bored, then this is a sure sign that you don’t actually miss your ex. You just miss the idea of a relationship and having someone to spend time with.
You might have reminisced about your relationship with your ex every once in a while but if you discover your ex has moved on and you start thinking about them constantly, this doesn’t necessarily mean you miss them. You are probably just jealous that your ex has moved on with someone that isn’t you and has started a new relationship whilst you are still single. It’s normal to feel hurt or jealous, but this doesn’t mean you want your ex back. Be strong.
Everybody knows when you first get into a relationship that you are blinded, you only acknowledge the good in your partner and you literally think they are God’s gift. However, eventually your rose tinted glasses wear off and you see your partner as they really are. If when you break up with your ex you only remember the good times you shared, then you clearly aren’t remembering your relationship correctly. Do you really miss the times your ex ignored your calls or cancelled your plans? I don’t think you do. Your relationship with your ex ended for a reason and you need to remember that as harsh as that sounds.
Some people have the tendency to neglect their friends when they get into a relationship, this means that when the relationship ends, their friends aren’t as willing to welcome them back into the group with open arms. You need to work out if you miss your ex or if you are just lonely and estranged from your friends. But it isn’t too late, apologise (eat a slice of humble pie or two) and start making plans to get out of the house more instead of being left alone with your thoughts and memories of your ex. It is perfectly normal to go out for dinner, to the cinema, or to mini golf with your friends! It’s okay to miss your ex, but realize he isn’t everything!
The great thing about being in a relationship is the regular sex, you can be bonking at all times of the day. When you orgasm your brain releases a chemical called dopamine which is associated with addictive behaviours such as smoking and gambling, so basically you develop a high sex drive in a relationship and become addicted to sex! So it makes sense if you miss sex after breaking up with your ex. Especially if the sex with your ex was great. But trust me sex can only get better the more partners you sleep with as you learn what you like and become more confident in your own abilities (not that I am encouraging you to jump into bed with a different person every night of the week). Be patient and resort to self-masturbation!
It is more common than you think for couples to stay together purely because they are scared of being alone or that they won’t meet anyone else. You have taken the plunge and broken up with your ex, they clearly aren’t the right person for you. Remember this. Don’t go back to your ex just because they are someone you know and someone you once felt comfortable with. The important thing is to have some time alone and then when you are ready, put yourself back out there and start talking to new people. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, but don’t settle for anyone you know won’t make you happy.
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