We live in a conflicting world where relationships are based on Disney princess movies and RomComs. Sex is based on PornHub’s classics. All at the same time… we are being told none of these are real! And to not pursue fantasy or put pressure on our relationships. This is stressful. It is also very conflicting. And, there seems to be few “accurate” representations of what a “normal” relationship is on screen. I don’t think there is such a thing as a normal relationship. Each healthy relationship is made by two individual people. Thus, each relationship is individual.
Something I have noticed is that, maybe based on some of these representations of relationships as I’ve mentioned, people have a lot of ideas and expectations about relationships. This include ideas about how to behave and such in a relationship. My best advice – as an unqualified relationship adviser – is forget all that shit. I can’t tell you how to have a perfect relationship – like I said totally unqualified – but I can tell you a few ways to contribute to a happy and healthy one based on my experiences. This all comes down to sweating the small stuff. The small things in relationships matter the most. This isn’t to say be picky, or aggressive about small things you dislike. This is bigging up the small stuff that is great! That you may unconsciously take for granted! The stuff that, after you’ve left the “honeymoon” phase which is more sex than conversation, you may start forgetting to do.
The small things matter the most because they can be tiny injections of happiness to your day without much effort or cost. This can be buying a chocolate bar, making the bed, telling them their cute and so on. Small, teeny tiny things that can really make someone’s day a lot happier. Things you may not even consider to be much at all. They could also make your own a lot happier. You don’t have to make a big deal out of the tiny niceties you do for each other, but just see them and appreciate them.
I think the small stuff is important because if you rely only on the big stuff it’s almost like you forget that your relationship is something you chose to be a part of. Well, I hope you did. Think about it this way, you and another person have made a pact between you both that actually has no physical existence. One day you are friends the next you’re in a relationship… so what’s new? Good friends and relationships are based on foundations of doing and being thoughtful and kind to one another.
Relationships are not about the big stuff. Huge proclamations are for Hollywood. But if you like that then good for you! But for I think the average person it’s not realistic or feasible. The small stuff can be so small, it can be so doable. The small stuff is just your everyday making them a cuppa.
Why venture into a relationship where you don’t want to make that person smile every day? Where you can’t be bothered every day. The best part about the small stuff? It is a way for all you un-romantics out there to keep up the love.
My idea for a good relationship is that you make someone happy. You are enough. The small stuff is giving them a wink at a party, or holding their hand, or just anything small! But it matters and you shouldn’t overlook it or give up on it. I don’t care how long you’ve been dating the small stuff never dies. And you shouldn’t let it.
Show you care, show you want to be in the relationship! If not, then gtfo. What’s the point? Care about the small stuff, it’s important to keep you close to, interested in, and bonded with someone that you’ve made an invisible pact with.
The thing is, you probably do a lot of this stuff anyway. I am not telling you a new way to start to live your life and behave. My message to you is, notice it. Love it. It is important and it’ll make you happy.
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