What To Do When You Want More Affection From Your SO
A little birdie told me you want more attention. It’s okay! Don’t worry. I REPEAT do not worry, we have ALL been through it. There have always been times in everyone’s relationships where someone wanted a little bit more affection/attention. The trick is to approach it the right way. Sometimes this topic can cause a lot of unnecessary arguments in a relationship and this is why this article exists! It is here to help. Everything you will be reading will be an accumulation of both mine and my S/O’s experiences in our relationship.
Do Come Out
Before addressing your own feelings ask your partner if they have ever felt something like it as well. Chances are he/she will say yes. Ask them in what ways were they brought up and if they felt comfortable approaching the subject to you. In my boyfriend’s case, he needed more from me when it came to conversations. I am a ‘doing a thousand things at the same time’ kind of person and sometimes I can get really distracted from the world and the conversation I am having. Once you discuss their side first it’s time to approach it from your point of view. Try your best to start your sentences with ‘I have been feeling…’, ‘In my opinion…’ and ‘I think…’ it avoids being direct and it makes the other person feel less attacked. Chances are that most times your S/O doesn’t know what is going through your head and it is important to make it clear to them that they should not feel guilty for not picking up on it. Honesty goes a long way.
DON’T Make Them Jealous
Seriously, you are not in middle school and if you are it’s time someone told you that it does not work. Every time I have tried I failed miserably and if your significant other really loves you they are not going to get jealous. Jealousy is a feeling that comes from fear, the fear of losing something. Whether your significant other has a lot of baggage or they don’t trust you, it’s a drawer you don’t want to open if all you are looking for is more affection. It will just stir up more confusion and arguments and it will definitely make your relationship tense! In a loving relationship, everything should be natural, you should feel secure and not in need to ‘show them what they are missing’. If you have that mentality, take a deep breath and seriously evaluate your feelings for this person.
Do Show Off
One of the best tips my boyfriend has given me was to show him exactly what I want. So, I took him on the dates of my dreams, I ordered him everything I would like and we did things that I had been craving for a long time. At the end of those dates, not only does he have a clearer picture of what I am expecting but it also helped me take the weight off my shoulders. It is often said that it is easier to show than to tell and in this case, it completely applies! It prevents you from being accused of attacking your S/O and it makes him/her a lot less uncomfortable and vulnerable.
DON’T Drop Subtle Hints
More affection doesn’t equal small gestures. Even in a relationship, everyone is allowed their own personal life as an individual, which means your partner is not a psychic (even though my boyfriend now thinks he is Trelawney). They will NOT pick up on subtle hints. Don’t waste your time on these trivial things, it will just make you more frustrated.
Do Give Treats, Treats, Treats!!!
Your S/O is a doggo, they need treats, and so do you. Pamper days are a must when you need more affection, not only for yourself but for your S/O. Buy them their favourite pastries, candy or anything they have had their eye on, from time to time. Not only will it make your relationship stronger but it will motivate he/she to do the same for you. At the end of the day, the most important person in your life is yourself. If you really crave more attention start by giving it to yourself first. Go shopping, buy your favourite food, go for walks or even to the gym! Take a day for yourself, away from your S/O and treat yourself like you want to be treated. At the end of the day, you will feel revitalised and more loved.
