Being an introvert in your teens sucks. It sucks because at that time you don’t really understand yourself and what’s wrong – when nothing is really wrong. In your teens you’re trying to figure out yourself in front of others and because of peer pressure it’s not that easy. You constantly judge and criticise yourself about how you’re not like the others. How you’re not that talkative, so popular, always quiet and shy. Guess what though! There is an explanation and that is introversion. You’re an introvert and there’s nothing wrong with that! You just prefer your own space, hate small talk and rather hang out with good friends (and that for a little while) rather than a group of acquaintances. It really helped me understand myself and what I want when I realised that I’m an introvert. I used to be so harsh on myself when for example I would hang out in a corner by myself at school with a book rather than with a bunch of strangers my best friend liked to hang out with. This is what I learned by being an introvert in my teens.
I’ve cancelled so many times gatherings with my friends. After a week of school, every Friday and Saturday when everyone else felt like going out, I just felt exhausted from just being around people hence the cancelling of plans. Every Friday afternoon, I was really looking forward to going home and staying in my room watching movies and eating crisps and Oreo cookies. It was my thing! I’m not trying to say that I always avoided my friends. On the contrary I did go out with them but there were times that I needed to be alone. I learned that it’s okay to not want to be around people 24/7. I used to be so harsh at myself for not being like my friends, but once you start to understand yourself and your personality, you don’t really care about whether you have 100 friends or 5 best friends.
There are some people who just suck out all your energy. I feel exhausted after spending time with people like that. But there are others who I spend days with on trips and I’m fine. That’s the difference with some people: there are those who take all your energy and effort and others who are just happy to be in your presence and give you the space you need. I’ve learned to understand who the energy-takers are, and how to preserve my battery levels. I also learned to give myself the time it needs to recharge and to not feel guilty about not seeing anyone, sometimes for days.
Or talking, period. I’m so bad at making small talk with strangers!! There’s this awkwardness in the air when I’m left alone with them that kills the conversation. I really have to try hard every time to keep the mood upbeat. When strangers want to make small talk with me at my customer service job, I try really hard to be talkative. I’ve learned through the years that being an introvert is okay, and you don’t have to feel pressured to make a conversation fun. I’m not saying to be plain rude and answer with yes or no but to not make an effort to progress the conversation. I’m not too harsh on myself for not being able to talk normally with people and without any awkwardness in the air, I’ve accepted the fact that this is not one of my strong points but I can always work on it when I try hard!
‘She is so quiet in the classroom’. This comment from the teachers would always be on my grade report every semester. Every damn semester. But why can’t someone learn by listening? Why do I have to contribute verbally and just rephrase what somebody else said in the classroom when I can write it in my own words on a piece of paper? At school I was always quiet because I didn’t like – and still don’t – drawing attention to myself. I prefer being an introvert in the backstage shenanigans rather than at the front. I prefer to listen than to add to boisterous conversations. I prefer to observe than voice my opinion about anything on every conversation. Besides, when you’re quiet, you get to observe and see things that nobody else does!! I’ve learned to not be affected by someone who thinks I’m quiet and shy and reserved because yes I am all those things! I’ve accepted myself and you should too!
Who doesn’t want to feel popular in their teens? My best friend was certainly one of the popular ones as she could talk to anyone and she had so many great friends around her. Comparing yourself is what will make you fail. I used to compare myself so much to her, judge myself on how I wasn’t as sociable and talkative as her. I never hated her or was jealous because I was happy that she had other friends apart from me who she could do things with when it came to me being an introvert. But having many friends is part of the high school experience. After some time, I accepted myself and I stopped trying to be part of the big group which I didn’t really want to be part of, as I was meant for the backstage.
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