My Dad cannot keep up with today’s dating lingo, only recently he asked me to explain the concept of ‘seeing someone’ to him; for him relationships are more clear cut: you are either with someone or you’re not. He cannot comprehend the confusing in-between stages before exclusivity that dominate today’s dating world, and I must admit that relationships of the past, say of our parents and especially our grandparents’ generations, do seem more straightforward. Even now I can hear my Nan’s voice in my head as she recalled how my Grandad courted her, they fell in love, married, and then had children. The transition was smooth and relationships were arguably more long-term. This article will explore five ways in which relationships today are different to relationships in the past.
In the past, sex before marriage was extremely frowned upon in society; virginity was viewed as something precious and sacred and something not to be thrown away to just anybody. Sex was seen as the way to consummate a marriage and to bond husband and wife together emotionally, physically and spiritually in a communion with one another and God- yes, previous generations were also much more religious. However, today sex before marriage is more common. This is not a reflection of loosening morals, but just that times have changed and society has evolved. There is a much more relaxed attitude to sex before marriage, but also a much more practical attitude. Marriage is more expensive nowadays so many people are waiting longer before they commit to one another, and some couples cannot afford to marry. There are also different reasons for having sex in relationships nowadays, couples do not have sex solely for reproductive purposes, but also for pleasure and to show their love for one another.
In the past, relationships were characterised by very segregated gendered roles. In marriage, men were the excepted breadwinners, they provided financial support for the family and operated in the public sphere. Whereas women were confined to the domestic sphere and revered as domestic goddesses, taking care of the children and the home. However, nowadays whilst some of these traits still exist to a degree, there has been some role reversal. For example, it is more common for fathers to stay at home and look after the children, known as stay-at-home dads, whilst it is more common for mother’s to work and to pursue a career.
The thought of my Nan using Tinder in the past to ‘match’ with my Grandad is completely absurd. Previous generations didn’t have such things as mobiles, social media and dating apps. If they were lucky, they might have had a landline in their house or access to a local telephone box; couples got to know one another in person and relationships formed as a result. However, today, relationships are reliant on technology, couples meet via dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble, and many couples feel as if they need to be in constant communication with their partners, and posting about their relationship via social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook. Today’s relationships have almost become a commodity to be sold to society through such technologies.
This is a huge generalisation but in the past, marriage was for life and divorce was hugely frowned upon. It was common for people to stay with one partner for the whole duration of their lives. However, today, although there are exceptions (my Mum and Dad have been together for 35 years and counting), relationships are more likely to break down and not be pursued long term. People today do not also willingly embark on a relationship with the intention to marry that person, contemporary generations live more so in the present rather than looking ahead to the future.
Relationships today are much more casual and can consist of casual flings, friends with benefits, and some even avoid being ‘labelled’ as a relationship all together. Whereas in the past, similar to the above point, relationships were more permanent and with one partner for life; today, it is common for people to experience several relationships in their lifetime as opposed to one.
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