9 Types Of People You’ll Run Into When In Clapham
Clapham is both loved and hated by people all over London for a variety of different reasons. Reasons why it’s adored include it’s extensive collection of hipster coffee joints, the 22o acres of luscious greenery, the huge choice of intellectual and cultural events (and no, I don’t mean Inferno’s on a Friday night) and the adorable ‘Thoughts Of The Day’ at Clapham’s Underground stations which are guaranteed to bring a smile to your Monday morning rush hour commute. But a lot of people seem to moan about one of South West London’s leafiest areas and that’s because of the people. Now, I can say this because I myself was born and raised in Clapham and have lived here for the best part of 21 years. But Clapham is known for its mixed bag of people who would resemble the cast of Made In Chelsea if they were regular people, lived in terraced homes and had to commute from Clapham Junction station every weekday morning. Here is a complete list of the types of people you’ll run into when in Clapham, just make sure not to knock their Soya Milk Pumpkin Spiced Latte from their perfectly manicured hands.
1. The Yummy Mummy.
Have you even been to Clapham if you haven’t seen a group of yummy mummies sitting outside Starbucks with their Silver Cross prams, perfectly cut and coloured locks and aviator sunglasses perched delicately on top of their heads? I think not. Clapham is a relatively pricey but up-and-coming area to live in, meaning that it attracts wealthy, young families in which the father’s weekend uniform includes beige chinos, a crew neck jumper and a pair of boat shoes and the mothers spend their mornings meeting fellow yummy mummies for lunch or going to a Bikram Yoga class. This is another type of person you will run into when in Clapham!
2. The ‘First Shopping Trip!!!’ Girls.
Clapham Junction on a Saturdayis full of 12-year-old-girl-with-wealthy-parents-and-a-cockapoo-called-Humphrey friendly stores such as Topshop (in Debenhams), Claire’s Accessories and the king of them all, Jack Wills. So obviously it’s going to be full of squeaky 12-year-old girls who’s wealthy parents have given them £50 for the day to go and get a few Jack Wills t-shirts while they sit opposite in Starbucks drinking their skinny, foam-free lattes. So, if you are planning a day trip to Clapham, make a note of this. And maybe take some earplugs.
3. The Business Man.
Again, because Clapham is known to be a very up-and-coming area full of well-off people, you are guaranteed to bump into a group of young business men, especially if you head down to The Bank (no, it’s not another Santander but actually a boujee pub) on a Saturday night. So, if you want to find a business man (I’d say rich but most of the just pretend to be made of money), try visiting Clapham for an evening during the weekend. This is another type of person you will run into when in Clapham!
4. The Antipodean.
Now, Clapham is known for being the home to a load of Australians. Maybe its the availability of outdoor space to fulfil all their outdoorsy needs or the variety of bars and pubs for them to enjoy, who knows. But one Twitter user even stated that “you can’t breathe oxygen in Clapham without sharing some with an Aussie” and thats not a lie. So, if you’re in and around Clapham, you’re bound to bump into a good few antipodeans, perhaps putting some shrimp on the barbie while simultaneously playing a didgeridoo, or maybe they’ll just be enjoying a pint in one of Clapham’s many Weatherspoons joints.
5. The American City Boys.
Not only will you find British business men in Clapham on a night out during the weekend or for a cheeky drink after a hard day in the city, but you will also find American city boys who are the same but, well, American. You’ll hear them in All Bar One discussing the stock market and that leggy blonde that one of them has been Whatsapping while sipping on a Bourbon Sour. This is another type of person you will run into when in Clapham!
6. The Girl That Had One Too Many Porn Star Martinis.
Clapham is full of young socialites and professionals who work throughout the week just to let their hair down and blow all their earnings on a few bottles of middle-of-the-range Prosecco and sugary Appletinis on the weekend. So if you are planning on going to a bar in Clapham on the weekend, make sure you go early so you don’t lose your table to a group of 20-something women who are out on the town for the night in their 6 inch stilettos and Motel Rocks dresses (even though it is just Clapham). Oh yeah, and definitely be sure to avoid that one who has had one glass to many glasses of prosecco and is walking down Clapham High street barefoot, heels in hand and with her hair tied messily on top of her head. She won’t be feeling peachy in the morning.
7. So.Many.Children.
As Clapham is packed with young, well-to-do families, there are bound to be crowds of babies and young kids out and about, especially if you go on the weekend. All it takes is a quick trip into Starbucks and you’ll see a bunch of them running up and down the cafe shrieking at the top of their voices while their parents look on in sweet admiration discussing the benefits of their children’s new gluten-free diet. So if you don’t like kids, it might be best to avoid Clapham on the weekend. This is another type of person you will run into when in Clapham!
8. The Digital Basic.
If you haven’t seen enough cool, hip young people in your life taking photos of their latte art and smashed avocado on toast for their latest Instagram post, Clapham is the place to go. Simply pop into The Breakfast Club on Battersea Rise and look for a group of young adults, preferably who look like they’ve come to ‘catch up over breakfast’. When their food arrives, peer over and marvel in all their moment-capturing, photo-taking glory. You can even take amusement in the fact that by the time they’re done, their food will probably be stone cold, so I hope that Insta is worth it.
9. The Artiste.
Clapham has an amazing array of cultural and intellectual events to offer, such as intimate plays at Clapham Omnibus and The Comedy Carnival at Inferno’s on certain Fridays throughout the year from 8pm-10pm. So if you ever head into Clapham, you’re bound to bump into a good few artsy people who are into indie music, enjoy stand up comedy and are often found wearing floor-length leather jackets. This is another type of person you will run into when in Clapham!
