Job interviews are a serious troll. I should know – after I moved cities post graduation I was faced with a seriously challenging job market, very inflated expectations and an overly inflated sense of worth. Millennials, it’s time to get real and admit we’ve been completely fucked over by the job market. Employers expect a great deal from candidates and often getting to the interview stage is an incredible achievement. Even so, nothing is more devastating then falling at the final hurdle. With that in mind, here are some of the job interview tips and tricks you may not have heard before – because baby it’s a jungle out there and you’ll need all the advice you can get.
Honey, they talk about good first impressions for a reason! If you going into the interview looking like Britney circa 2007 you can rest assured you are hurting your chances. So take yourself to the local hairdresser, fix up that scraggly beard and invest in an emergency skincare moment ASAP. Also they ain’t looking for a scrub so source an outfit that doesn’t scream my life is an ongoing TBD – I got very into swiping lewks from my girls and gays!
I like to fully turn my swag on with a pump up ritual before I walk out the door that I HIGHLY recommend! Find yourself a mirror, turn up your I’m the fucking best inspo tune and get ya head in the game! I think Dressed For Success by 80s pop icons Roxette is a strong choice or you could go full Bufflo Bill “would you fuck me? I’d fuck me” with Q Lazarus’s Goodbye Horses.
I am still genuinely haunted by my experience applying for a journalism cadetship at The Age. Basically, the whole process was very Hunger Games, requiring multiple rounds of hellish vetting. I made it through round one with a painstakingly crafted video about fake news – with special effects and music! Then they made me endure three 40 minute sessions, including an insanely hard quiz, panel interviews and churning out a news article. Anyways my dream was in sight by the time it got to round three – a very intimidating grilling with the editors. I prepared endlessly, spent too long in the shower and arrived late. Everything quickly poured out of my head and I ended up going around in circles about the fucking Ramsey centre with a particularly right-wing editor. It felt like I’d been in the desert for 40 years by the end of it and I honestly should have just focused on getting into the zen. Learn from this as Tyra Banks would say!
Know what they’ll be looking for and craft your answers accordingly. Draw on your relevant experience and many talents. I always find it works well to come armed with ideas and obvious passion! Also, for the love of God get some utterly lit references together! I stayed up all night preparing for my last job interview because it was that or lining up for welfare. I might have looked a bit crazed but it worked!
Look, you can try selling a different version of yourself but if that works good luck keeping up the ruse. Back yourself and your talents – everyone deserves a job that doesn’t make them want to 51050 themselves. I’ve been at job interviews for everything from call centre grunt to glamorous staff writer. It was always the actual job that was much harder. Finally, to borrow from Aaliyah – “if at first you don’t succeed/dust yourself off and try again.” You’ll do so many job interviews and you just need one to go well after all.
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