20 Things No One Tells You About Your First Year At Durham University

Like any good fresher will tell you, uni isn’t something you can prepare for. Be it the never-ending study nights, binge-watches, bar-crawls, late-night shenanigans and Harambe vigils, uni will knock you off your feet and stuff you down the rabbit hole whether your name is Alice or not. So think fast, pray a little, and keep reading for 20 things no one tells you about your first year at Durham University!

1. Klute…

Rated the worst club in the country, your entire life during your first year at Durham University will revolve around its terrible ‘80s/’90s pop songs – but you’re the only one allowed to say that. If an outsider dares insult its silly ways, you best hold me back ‘cause things are about to go down! You will defend it to your dying breath; worst club in the country be damned.

2. Hill vs. Bailey is legit (#Butler all the way!)

Choosing your college is life or death. If you’re Bailey, you represent the posh elite and need to be kicked off your plastic throne. If you’re Hill, you’re a n00b who thinks they’re cooler than they actually are. Wars will be waged, friendships tarnished – but it’s all in good fun. (Now where’s my axe…?)

3. Everyone hates Hatfield (but no one knows why).

Sorry Hatfield, but the college songs all tell the same story: you suck. No one really knows why, and no one really cares to question it. All you need to know is if you introduce yourself as Hatfield, be prepared for flames.

4. Matriculation is unavoidable – and you WILL face the pots and pans wake-up call.

You don’t realise it, but your biggest night out comes BEFORE Matriculation Day. It’s not a mistake. The Colleges conspire against you. ‘Why?’ you ask. Because, dear reader, everyone here is secretly a sadist and wants to deafen you with the shrill shriek of the pots and pans at 6 AM in the morning!
You have been warned.

5. You become more of a night owl.

As a Fresher, there are more important things than writing essays. The Walking Dead isn’t about to watch itself, you know…Besides, who needs beauty sleep?

…aaaaaand it’s time to retreat into a corner and cry.

6. The hills are treacherous.

Everyone underestimates the hills until you actually get here. One minute into your first walk and you’re already tempted to curl up and die. If you take the sciences, psychology and archaeology, be prepared to acquaint yourselves with Cardiac Hill. Trust me when I say we all hoped that name was a sick joke…
…and we were all wrong.

7. The Durham Bum is real, folks.

If you want a nicely toned arse, thighs, and quads look no further than Durham: the Land of the Hills. Cardiac Hill has one good outcome: you’re ripped by the end of your first year at Durham University, and it’s all – for – FREE!

8. Sports is huge up here.

You thought everyone was joking when they said there’s a serious thing for Quidditch up here? How cute. The Sports Societies will draw you in during your first year at Durham University and never let you go, so be warned.

9. No one knows what they’re doing (even when they say they do).

Prime example: walking into the wrong lecture and staying for a good 15 minutes because it all sounds legit…or it doesn’t, and that’s why you don’t think to question it. Anyone who says they know what they’re doing is probably lying. If they’re not, the heavens have shone upon them.

10. Everyone downplays how cold it gets.

This is something you’ll learn quickly during your first year at Durham University. You wanted to bring your Night’s Watch gear and prepare for the coming of Winter – everyone else said you’d be fine. Now it’s November, it’s already snowed once, and you don’t know if you have any fingers left. Next time: bring a bloody winter coat!

11. The cathedral bells never stop ringing – sucks to be you, Bailey!

Durham’s biggest appeal: the cathedral. Nice for tourists. Not if you live in the Bailey and have to listen to them gong every five seconds. If any of the Bailey lot start twitching at the sound of the bell, calmly back away…

12. Durham is known as the place where Oxbridge rejects go.

Sure, that might not be a fabricated lie, but we like to think of it as the place where the most innovative, daring, and intelligent people go to have fun and establish themselves as the best people in their field…sorry Oxbridge; you didn’t make the cut.

13. You will remember the frequent time you overslept…so will the cleaner… (That was definitely a surprise for the both of us).

All those late nights spent furiously writing essays you should have done at the beginning or catching up on The Walking Dead have come back to haunt you in the worst way possible…The cleaner. If you’re lucky, they’ll laugh the surprise off and leave you to burn in your humiliation alone. If not, get ready for an entire year of awkwardly averted gazes as you pass them in the hallway.

14. The PR2.

Every college has its perks. Butler’s is the PR2: the Holy Grail of buses. If you’re lazy like me, you simply roll out of bed and onto the bus to be taken to your lectures in 5 minutes. (That’s four times quicker than walking, by the way.) Other Colleges will hate you, but you’ll secretly love it.

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15. The amount of times people will say, “This is Harry Potter! I am at Hogwarts!” (and the number of times you’ll say, “Jealous yet?”).

So we all know matriculation is really an excuse to wear a gown and pretend like you’re at Hogwarts without people giving you the worried side-eye – and now you get to do it every day!

16. English students: there are more books than hours in the day, so when someone says they’ve read the material for the lecture just know they’re probably lying (we all did it).

Everyone will tell you Freshers’ Year doesn’t count, so some of us took that to heart and decided that reading was an unnecessary time-suck we didn’t want. Then you’ll realise you have a lecture on Bleak House tomorrow and spend the whole night struggling to make sense of a complex plot full of irrelevant characters AND THEN you’ll decide, ‘You know what? Screw it!’ and scroll through SparkNotes instead.

17. There is an abundance of societies to choose from.

You will probably be overwhelmed by how many there are during your first year at Durham University. You love them all and it doesn’t matter that you have lectures or tutorials or essays. If only you could be in them all. Oh wait, you are in them all and it is the best decision you will make.

Societies are the best way to meet like-minded people and try out something new. Fancy snorkelling? We have that. Learning sign language? Got that, too.
(Did I also mention that the Harry Potter society has a Yule Ball?)

18. Bar crawls are a must – you go all in or not at all: we’re not here to play games.

Durham students will find any excuse to go on a bar crawl. Doesn’t matter who’s hosting (if at all), just grab your purse, ID, and let the night take you where it will. If it’s a themed bar crawl, even better! The locals will think you’re crazy for it, but we all know dressing as Donald Trump was hilarious until it was actually true…

19. Everyone has an accent.

Northerners will say the Southerners sound ‘posh’ and the Southerners will say the Northerners are obsessed with their “cannies” and “why ayes!” Basically, it’s a shambles. Especially if you’re a southerner who thinks “canny” means cannot (as per the Scottish usage) instead of yes (as per the Newcastle usage). Needless to say I definitely learnt my lesson on that first bar crawl…

20. Coffee Shops

People will joke around and say the city is full of them, but you never really listened until you got here. There are secret ones tucked away in side-streets, bold ones that beckon you over, sweet-smelling ones, wake-up-call ones, cheap ones, expensive ones, quiet ones, packed ones – if you can think it, Durham’s coffee shops have it.
Psssst…some people would recommend you visit Patisserie Valerie…I hear it’s really good.

What have you learned during your first year at Durham University? Comment below and share the article!

Featured photo source: pinterest.com