If you ask a Senior year student to give you life advice that would you get through college, they are probably going to say something along the lines of “don’t ever live with your best friend!”. When you are young and having fun, you want to rush into making spontaneous decisions. And no one blames you for that: every outcome is an experience and college life is basically all about the experience. You feel confident enough to think that if something is up, you can always work it out. The realities of moving in with your BFF, however, can be a bit more overwhelming than you would expect. Circumstances differ, but generally speaking, even best friends need little breaks from each other to retain the mutual interest and get the emotions reloaded. But in case you end up moving in with your bestie, here are a few tips on how to prevent your friendship from falling apart and generally become a respectful flatmate.
First of all, don’t expect it to be fun and games 24/7. First few months at college can be quite delusional. You get yourself into this crazy whirlwind of events, you meet new people almost every single day and explore adulthood with your head held high. When the hype subsides, people begin to show their real emotions and you to be ready for that. Your best friend a.k.a. your new flatmate has their own emotional baggage behind and in order to get along and live happily, you have to respect it and expect mutual respect back. Always give them some time alone when they need to, be responsive to their concerns and desires and try to be more forgiving when it comes to a small spat or a general disagreement. It is normal to give yourselves a day or two off when there is no need in keeping up with whatever your flatmate is up to.
To prevent any fallouts related to the allocation of domestic responsibilities (because this will probably be the biggest problem), make sure you are on the same page in terms of how messy you both are and how often you expect to have your place cleaned. Communication is key: always talk things through when something is bothering you and always try to listen and get in your friend’s shoes. Looking at situations from a third-party perspective is very helpful. At the end of the day, maybe they were right? If, by any chance, your cleanness does not meet your flatmate’s expectations, think of your room as your own little crib where you can be as messy as you want and they have no right to tell you otherwise. At the same time, make an effort and keep the communal space presentable.
This also is going to help you to learn to distinguish personal from communal. This concerns multiple aspects of sharing a space with another person. These include always asking your flatmate if you are using the food supplies that they bought, cleaning after yourself, checking on them if you plan to host a party or simply bring people over at nighttime – one quick message is no big deal.
Unfortunately, living together can make you more distant. Due to the fact that you already physically around each other and simultaneously have your own things going on, you may not necessarily feel like making an effort to spend time with your flatmate. You might even get jealous every time they would bring someone over and don’t get you involved. Instead of reminiscing about the good old days when you were thick as thieves, make a move! Invite them out for a fancy dinner, go shopping together or order takeaway for two and watch your favorite show. Do things that you’d do if you weren’t actually flatmates. This will liven up the routine, bring back good memories and create the new ones.
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