The first episode of Sex And The City came out in June 6, 1998. Sure there are many things that have changed since Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte first decided to start having sex “like men” (aka without getting emotionally attached) but, somehow, the now legendary group of friends are still relatable today, two decades after the pilot was released.
It is undeniable that there is a Charlotte York in every group, that Samantha Jones was everyone’s favourite at some point for being literal self-confidence goals, that we all found Miranda a bit exasperating at the beginning and ended up wishing we had a friend like her, and Carrie… we wanted Carrie’s life, Carrie’s wardrobe and Carrie’s ability to put into words the frustration one feels as a woman that’s just trying to find her place in this world, where everyone seems to know what’s best for her and what’ll make her happy.
Sex And The City was revolutionary in the way it portrayed women dealing with women’s issues, without any sort of shame, judgement or censorship, and that’s why we’re bringing back today the most important life lessons we learnt from Sex And The City!
The Sex And The City gang did a lot of stuff women are often shamed and judged for: Samantha had a lot of casual sex, Carrie was a culinary disaster and took pride in this, Miranda was blunt and wouldn’t just “act nice” in order for strangers to like her, and Charlotte dumped the guy she thought was meant to be the love of her life, after he said he didn’t want children. These women weren’t living their lives to fulfill anybody else’s expectations but their own, and fuck what others might think or say: nobody is going to live your life for you, you know?
Even though it’s true we all grow up thinking our first love is supposed to be the most important of them all, the one you’ll always remember and will always be able to find their way back to you… there’s proof that heavily implies this isn’t at all like this. You need an example?
Charlotte York, the Mary Sue, the naive, the prude, the dumb… she had her head filled with fairy tale-like ideas of what her life should be like, yet when she found herself in an unhappy marriage, she was strong enough to gather the pieces of her broken fantasy and walk away. This, however, did not discourage her for long because, you see, Charlotte believes in happy endings, even if she had to learn the hard way that the happiest ones take longer than you might think. If that’s not a good, positive and healthy lesson for someone who’s had their heart broken, what is?
Remember when Miranda went full on protective friend mode when she saw how Carrie acted around Big? Remember how mad and annoyed Carrie got after that? Well, that’s a situation we’re all going to live at least once in our lifetimes because there’s no guarantee our bestie will always approve of our newest boyfriend or girlfriend. When this happens, learn from Carrie’s mistake and avoid getting defensive.
This is your best friend talking, the person who’s held your hair while you puked outside the club, who really just wants the best for you and is now speaking out of pure concern. If they think there’s something weird about your boo, do yourself a favour and listen.
It’s very common for women to feel guilty when they put themselves first. Yes, first as in first of all, before your boss, your husband, your children… you have to think of you first or none of the rest will really functin properly. Weird as it might sound, this is one of the hardest lessons to learn, as we all learnt from Samantha’s experience after breaking up with Jerrod. Yes, they loved each other – and we shipped them badly – but what’s the point of a relationship if you are not happy? Quoting Miss Jones: “I love you, but I love me more.” That’s a life lesson for you!
So you go out every night and have a lot of casual and consensual sex? That’s cool! Oh, you’re the type that doesn’t like having sex on the first dates and would rather wait until things are more serious? Sounds right, too! Whether you are a try-sexual – hi, Samantha – or would rather die than go back to random hook-ups, these decisions do not make you any less of a person, and it’s super uncool when you shame others for not having a sexual life more similar to your own, as we saw when Samantha retaliated after being shamed by Carrie. Not cool, Bradshaw, thank God they talked it out later!
Watching six seasons of Carrie trying to get Big to commit was… eye-opening. Yes, they were together in the end, but it helps remembering a relationship like that only works out in movies. Big had serious commitment issues, while Carrie needed to know he would eventually be able to settle.
Their different approaches to love led to many ugly arguments and tons of tear-filled evenings, which could have probably been avoided if Carrie had listened to her friends, who kept pointing the obvious red flags – the man didn’t even want to introduce Carrie to his mum, come on! – and encouraging Carrie to focus on herself, forget about Big and move on with her life. Sometimes you have to, and that’s a lesson we learned from Sex And The City.
Miranda was cheated on, Charlotte could not have babies of her own, Carrie was literally emotionally dragged in potato sack for years, and Samantha battled cancer. Their lives weren’t only daisies and rainbows, as the light and humourous tone of the series might suggest sometimes, but this never stopped them from having fun! They didn’t allow their personal miseries to take over, and in the end, they always knew that whenever they were too tired to keep fighting for the happy life they deserved – ’cause everyone deserves to be happy – they could rely on each other. Because life isn’t easy, but easy isn’t very exciting, is it?
Without a doubt, this is the most important life lesson these women ever taught us: that your best friends can be your soulmates. Even Big realised this, when he said to Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte: “You girls are the loves of her [Carrie’s] life. A guy is lucky to come in fourth.” Well said!
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