People are… tiring. Trying to make small-talk takes far too much effort, especially when you’re socially awkward. It’s even worse when you’re trying to pretend you’re NOT socially awkward.
But what are the signs?
You need 3 to 5 working days to mentally prepare for a night out and your friends know that. You won’t get invited to a lot of stuff because they know you’ll say no. You miss out on a lot but it doesn’t phase you because your bed is better.
You’re no Grinch, you just know what you like and what you don’t.
So you finally get the courage to go out with a friend and they wander off, leaving you with their friend. The two of you have met about three times and know little to nothing about each other. You have no clue what to talk about and spend the whole time looking around for your friend to return.
The whole time the two of you are together, you never meet their gaze. That’s just too awkward and personal. It makes you paranoid when they look at you for too long so it’s best just to look at the floor or something.
So being in a crowd my diffuse the tension between you and your friend’s friend but it still makes you uncomfortable. You don’t want to bump into anyone or get trampled on. You don’t want to accidentally end up in a conversation with a stranger that just spilt their drink on you. It’s just not worth it.
Because you know going out is too much hassle. Who wants to make plans with other people when you could hang out with Netflix and a bag of crisps? “So what did you do last night?” is quite an embarrassing question when this is your life. Just know that “nothing special” is a lot less awkward than admitting you binged Brooklyn 99 for eight hours. No shame though, Brooklyn 99 is much better than real-life humans.
When you spend as much time on Netflix as you do, you’ve already watched all ten seasons six times. Someone’s eating cheesecake and you wonder if it’s good enough to eat off of the floor. You’ve probably described something as a ‘moo point’ because it’s like a cow’s opinion… it’s moo. Everyone loves a FRIENDS reference but there’s a chance you make too many.
If you’re not watching TV, you’ve got your nose in a book. Inevitably, you’re comparing the characters to people you know. Books are better than real life people and that’s not open for debate.
When you’re around actual humans, you forget you can’t laugh at their misfortune like you can with fictional characters. Cue stifled laughter.
These awkward interactions are amplified when you’re on one of your very infrequent dates. Why are you suddenly very aware of your hands… and your ears. Is your date looking at your ears? Of course they’re not… but what if they are? Do you have weird ears?
If you muddle through the date and by some miracle they’ve not been turned off by your ears and ask you out again, you don’t know what to say. “Um, sure,” you’ll probably reply, mentally adding the shrug emoji. It won’t last much longer than two or three dates before you realise it’s too much hassle to date when you’re socially awkward.
You’re very aware of your hands again. Your friend just wants to take a cute selfie but you’re not sure where to put them. Do they go in front of you? Behind you? On your hips? They’re not even going to be in the photo but it’s still a very pressing matter!
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