15 Signs You Grew Up In Clapham
Clapham is an amazing place to live as it is full of life, green spaces, trendy bars, cute coffee shops and so much more. But Clapham also has its own quirks and those of us who have lived in Clapham have definitely had our very own South London experience. From spending a hilarious but slightly tragic Friday night in Inferno’s to having to deal with Clapham’s mixed bag of characters, living in Clpaham is definitely a unique experience. Here are 15 signs that you were born and bred in South West London’s leafiest district.
1. You Spent Your Evenings As A 15 Year Old Drinking On Clapham Common.
If you didn’t spend your Friday and Saturday evenings as a 15-year-old drinking lambrini or WKDs on Clapham common with your mates, did you really grow up in Clapham? I think not. It’s kind of like a coming of age in Clapham when you convince the corner shop man you ‘left your ID at home’, head to the common and take turns in passing around a 70cl bottle of Smirnoff Ice and getting ‘tipsy’. How blissful.
2. You Know What Its Like To Throw Up On The Inferno’s Dancefloor On A Friday Night.
Inferno’s is the place that you always refuse to go to but somehow magically end up at gone midnight on a Friday and find yourself singing along to Bring It All Back by S Club 7 until sunrise when you stumble out onto the street and throw up that bowl of pasta you ate to line your stomach. Ironic. We all say we hate it, but secretly we couldn’t live without Friday night Inferno’s.
3. You’ve Got A Little Too Tipsy At Northcote Records’s Happy Hour.
One of the best places to enjoy a Friday or Saturday evening (or afternoon, but who’s asking?) in Clapham is Northcote records because they have a 2-for 1 happy hour from 5pm until 8pm. So it seems like a great place to go for a classy drink and a catch up with your gal pals, until one drink turns into 10 (for the price of 5!!!) and you find yourself stumbling out at 1am.
4. You’ve Almost Been Run Down By A Pram More Than 20 Times In Your Life.
Clapham is home to the yummy mummies with their Silver Cross prams that probably cost more than my monthly rent. So you know that you have grown up in Clapham if being hit by a pram the size of a small horse is a normal Saturday afternoon activity. It’s almost as common as hearing someone order a skinny coconut milk sugar-free latte in the Northcote Road Starbucks.
5. You Have Bumped Into At Least 5 People You Know On Northcote Road On A Saturday.
It’s not like Clapham is small, but for some reason if you head down to Northcote Road on a Saturday afternoon, you will bump into almost everyone that you know. And their mothers. So that means you’re unable to head out in trackies and messy hair which, especially if you’ve had a wild one at Inferno’s the night before, isn’t ideal.
6. You Felt Personally Victimised When The Party Shop Was Burned Down In The 2011 London Riots.
If you grew up in Clapham, you will have felt personally victimised when rioters burned down The Party Shop in Clapham Junction. We all used to go there to get our Halloween costumes and party outfits when we were younger so it has definitely been a part of our childhood. To this day I still don’t understand why The Party Shop was targeted. What did it ever do wrong?!
7. Morley’s!
If you live in Clapham, you’ll probably be of the very strong opinion that Morley’s is the best chicken shop in the whole world. There’s nothing else to say on the matter.
8. You’ve Heard The ‘Is Clapham Even London?’ Question About 100 Times.
Yes, although Clapham isn’t home to any fancy London landmarks and isn’t part of the London Big Bus Tours, it is still in London. Shocking, I know.
9. Southern Trains Is Your Idea Of Hell.
If you are from Clapham, you will know that Southern Railway is just the absolute worst and try to avoid it at all costs. The very words “we are sorry to announce that the 10:46 Southern Service to London Victoria has been cancelled” are enough to give you nightmares. So if you’re from Clapham you’ll know to avoid Southern Railway at all costs.
10. You’ve Heard The Question “But Does Clapham NEED 3 Underground Stations?” Over 500 Times.
Yes, we know that Clapham has 3 Underground stations on the Northern Line and no, there’s nothing we can do about it. We all know that if you want to get to Balham from Kennington, it’s long to pass through all 3 Clapham stations, but that’s life. Can we move on now?
11. You’re Spoilt For Drunk Food Choices When You Roll Out Of Inferno’s At 3am.
One of the greatest things about going on a night out on Clapham High Street on the weekend is that you are spoilt for drunk food choice when you roll out in the early hours of the morning. You have a huge range of kebab shops and that famous Clapham chicken shop. Not that you’ll be picky with your cuisine of choice when you’re drunk at 3am, but its nice to have the choice.
12. You Feel Like You’ve Moved To Australia Every Time You Step Out Of The House.
Clapham is known for being home to a huge number of Antipodeans. One Twitter user even stated that “you can’t breathe oxygen in Clapham without sharing some with an Aussie” and thats definitely not a lie. So, if you grew up in Clapham, you’ll be used to feeling like you’ve been teleported to Oz everytime you step out of the house.
13. You’re Used To Stepping On Gross Chunky Vomit On The Pavement On A Saturday Morning.
One of the worst things about living in Clapham is that you have to get used to the pavements being lined with gross, chunky vomit on a Saturday morning. Let’s just say that Clapham dwellers go hard on a Friday night.
14. You Don’t Need To Get Your Own Dog Because Clapham Is Already Home To About 50,000 Of Them.
In Clapham, dogs are everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE. People are even taking their dogs into cafes, restaurants and shops with them. So if you live in Clapham, seeing a toy poodle is as common as seeing a group of chirpy Australians.
15. You Feel Like You’re In An Army Bootcamp When You Walk Past The Common On A Saturday Morning.
If you were born and bred in Clapham, you will be used to the sight of an abnormally large number of people doing burpees and squatting in unison on a large patch of grass. It’s totally normal for us. This is because in Clapham there are so many different exercise bootcamps which take place on the common in the mornings for all those exercise fanatics and yummy mummies who want to stay in shape.
