Believe it or not, we are all experts at spotting relationship red flags… as long as that relationship isn’t our own. We are quick to tell our best friend we don’t like the way her new boyfriend speaks to her and we might be the first one to notice our brother’s girlfriend looks at her phone a bit too often… but when it comes to us? We somehow become blind.
We are ready to justify and understand any oddity or bad habits our friends may point out, because we really do not want to see something’s wrong with our relationship. RED FLAG ALERT! The moment everyone around you is warning you there is something off about your boo, but you refuse to listen and even begin pushing people away because of this… sister, it sounds like you need our list with the 15 relationship red flags you need to watch out for!
Does your partner need to always know where you are and what you’re doing? Or is it you who constantly questions your other halfs loyalty? Whichever the case, it is one of the clear relationship red flags to watch out for when you cannot trust each other.
Thank God we all grew out of that very problematic phase in which we considered love triangles (thanks Twilight and Divergent) with their drama and their jealousy to be quite hot. Now we are proud to say we know jealousy is not sexy or cute… and if you didn’t know now you know: if your partner is always mad you spend too much time with your friends or family, or that you’re too friendly (watch out, that’s the code word for flirty) with random people, that’s a red flag you ought to be watching out for. Btw, just a friendly reminder this also applies to you! Jealousy is just uncool. This is definitely one of the most common relationship red flags.
If your better half doesn’t get along with one of your friends, well that’s life. But if they cannot stop criticising your besties, your family, your clothes, your hair… that is just unacceptable and a massive sign you should dump them – or at least confront them about it. When your partner likes just one thing about you, but would rather change the others, well, maybe they should find somebody else.
We get it. Some people need more time in order to define a relationship. Some people do not feel comfortable with labels… but if you do want to define your relationship with your other half – who you’re even unsure about calling “your other half”, since they keep saying you’re more like “friends with feelings who have sex sometimes” – that’s a big red flag you need to watch out for. Some might argue that in these situations, one must wait until the other person feels ready, and don’t get me wrong: that is an option. But if you’re looking for two completely different types of relationship, it is time for you to walk out.
It is never a good sign when two people start a relationship with the thought: “We’ll be together for a few months, then it will end.” Unless it’s a brief summer romance with the cute foreign exchange student you will most likely never see again, do not start a relationship if you thing it’s got an expiry date. Think of it this way: if it’s not forever, why am I even going to bother investing so much love, time and energy on it? You wouldn’t do it on anything else, so don’t do it on someone you already know will be out of your life in a few months. This is one of the biggest relationship red flags.
As we’ve said, spotting red flags about one’s own relationship can be a bit too hard sometimes. That is why we’ve invented the Before And After Test. It really couldn’t be easier: just ask yourself – and be honest – whether you’re happier now in a relationship than before, when you were single. Unless the answer is a nice and confident “yes”, we’re sorry to inform you that’s a red flag. If you’re more anxious, self-confident, dependent and just unhappier since your relationship began, you better jump off the ship before it’s too late.
Bonus points if you read that in Lesley Gore’s singing voice. If we’ve learnt anything from female pop culture icons is that we are not in this world to be controlled, guarded or owned. This means, if your partner can’t stand not knowing 24/7 where you are, what are you doing and who are you with… RED FLAG ALERT! Repeat after me: being in a relationship shouldn’t imply giving up your independence. A worried partner who wants to check on you and make sure you’re safe, that’s cute. However, it should not be mistaken with the controlling boyfriend or girlfriend who will literally shout at you because you didn’t answer their text a few minutes ago. This is definitely one of the most annoying, yet also one of the most prominent relationship red flags.
Healthy couples empower each other and care for each other’s dreams and goals. Remember how in previous articles we’ve talked about how your partner should want to see you succeed? Well, if your ambition makes them feel uncomfortable, and they tell you off because you’ve been “working too much” and consequently you’ve neglected them… dear reader, we’re sorry to inform you you’ve found yourself a Ross Geller. Do yourself a favour and don’t make the same mistakes Rachel did and dump them asap. Jennifer Aniston would approve.
We don’t want to be that person, but if your better half began your relationship with you before breaking up with their previous partner, that is just not cool on so many levels. First of all, if they cheated once, who says they won’t do it again? Long story short, if you’ve got trust issues, don’t date a cheater, it will save you time, tears and a bad headache. Also, if the guy or girl you’re seeing at the moment is still with their partner, stop it immediately and go home to think how shitty you would feel if something like that were to happen to you. Although it can be hard to believe when it happens to you, cheating is one of the biggest relationship red flags!
There’s a wide range of opinions on what is considered a lie in a relationship. Saying you’re almost there when you literally just walked out of the shower is okay, but straight up lying about who you were with last night because your partner doesn’t need to know you still have lunch with your ex sometimes… that is a bit more problematic. Catching your other half lying or, what’s even worse, having to lie to your girlfriend or boyfriend on a regular basis because whatever reasons, those are massive red flags you should be watching out for. No beautiful liars in 2018, sorry.
We all love being treated from time to time, just as much as we love treating others. Sometimes this isn’t always as balanced as we would like it to be, as it might happen you make more money than your partner, or the other way around; so it becomes normal one of the two pays more often. So far no red flags, but what happens if your partner begins demanding you pay for their stuff every time? What if they start saying you don’t love them because you don’t want to top up their Oyster card again? Our advice: read point number 13 again, and listen to Kanye’s Gold Digger as many times as you need.
So you’ve told your boo you don’t feel super comfortable with PDA on multiple occasions, and yet they keep trying to force you, because they keep saying it is “what normals couples do”? Okay, let’s make something clear: “what normal couples do” is bullshit, cause every relationship is different, and couples should be able to figure out how to be happy in a way none of them feels awkward or forced. If your partner does not respect your boundaries, that’s a sign he or she is not as perfect as you once thought them to be.
Every couple fights. It is normal and some might even say it is healthy to a certain extent. What isn’t normal or healthy is your better half throwing stuff around, breaking shit and – oh my God do people actually do this – punching holes in the walls when they get mad at you. If you ever look for the definition of the most obvious relationship red flags to watch out for, just look up “Boyfriend punched a wall when angry” on Google and read what comes up first on your search.
Emotional blackmail: the act of using a person’s feelings of kindness, sympathy or duty in order to persuade them to do something or feel something. Imagine you have had a very bad day and you want to go for drinks with your classmates after that particularly hard exam. You’re at the pub and you begin getting messages from your partner complaining that you’re out having fun without them, claiming if you really loved them you would look for comfort with them and not random people (aka your classmates). You feel guilty, so you excuse yourself and leave. This situation is not only a perfect example of a toxic relationship, it also shows how your partner should never use your own feelings to their advance.
They call you once every two weeks or so, you go out, you have fun, they stay the night and then you don’t hear anything from them in almost a month. This is one of the red flags people are usually more stubborn not to acknowledge, because they don’t want to see this person, who they’ve already begin feeling attached to, keeps calling them only ’cause they know they won’t refuse. It is a very hard to swallow pill, but a necessary one: when somebody just wants to see us when it’s convenient for them, they don’t care enough. Yes, we know it hurts, but it won’t hurt for long. Play New Rules as loud as you can and go out to remind yourself that you deserve so much better.
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