10 Questions To Ask Yourself To Understand Your Sexuality

Sexuality is a really confusing topic for most people and a topic people struggle to talk about, due to embarrassment or not knowing how to start these conversations. I feel that we need to discuss our sexuality to be able to understand why we feel the way we do, and that everyone has their own journey with their sexuality and understanding what works for them.

1. Do I fancy this person or do I want to be them?

This dilemma is something that comes up with couples of the same sex more often than couples of different sexes. When you start to fancy someone, it is a completely different feeling than wouldn’t it be nice to be this person? With girls, I feel like we are so hard on ourselves and focusing on our flaws but it is important to consider if we are thinking of this person in a romantic or an admiring way. Female friendships are a peculiar thing and admiring someone’s style or bravery is a completely different thing. 

2. Do I ever see myself going on a date with someone of the same sex?

This may seem scary to you as you have never done it before, but this doesn’t mean that it is wrong for you or not worth trying. If you have only dated people of the opposite sex, you may be confused about how to act and if the dating rules will change. But it will be worth seeing if this is something that will worth pursuing and if your sexuality is not what you thought it was.  

3. Do I want to date anyone?

There can be lots of pressures from outside influences to feel like you need to be in a couple or a relationship. And this isn’t the case for everyone – not everyone will be comfortable in romantic relationships and this is something to consider.  

4. Am I ready for a sexual relationship?

Again, this is carrying on from the above question, the media focuses on relationships and especially sexual ones. Not everyone is emotionally prepared for a sexual relationship. It needs to be at the right time for everyone and not just because everyone around you is having sex or you feel like you should be having sex. Having sex for the right reasons is the most important thing to consider.  

5. Are you being influenced by others around you?

Are you trying to suppress your feelings because you feel the need to fit into a certain box? This may be that you feel like your friends or family won’t accept your sexuality or you can’t accept it. It is important to know that your sexuality is a part of you and this needs to be embraced and protected. Everyone has a different and unique journey which will take different amounts of time. 

6. Are you dating a certain sex for the wrong reasons?

If you have your heartbroken it is usual for you to swear off men/women, this usually happens during every breakup. But if this fear goes deeper and then you decide to swear off men/women. It may result in unhappiness down the road or disappointment if you enter into relationships you aren’t fully committed to. Figuring out what is the best decision for you is ultimately important before choosing to date anyone of any sex.  

7. Am I attracted to both genders?

This is something that confuses people initially but is something that needs to be considered. Knowing your own sexuality and how you define yourself will allow you to feel happy and comfortable in yourself. Suppressing who you are or hiding it ultimately would have a negative impact on you.  

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8. Am I worried about how people would react?

If you are worried about how anyone would react to your choice of who you love, then you should think about how you would feel if they told you the same news?  Would you be happy for them? We should be surrounding ourselves with people who support us rather than people who can’t be happy for our decisions.  

9. If your sexuality is different than you initially thought what difference does it make?

Does it make any difference to my life who I love? The simple answer is it really shouldn’t!  

10. Do I need to come out?

Everyone has to make their own decisions about this. Some people will come out when they are young, whereas some people will struggle with this decision for the rest of their lives. Ultimately it needs to be the right time and place for you.  

Do you have any questions to ask to help you understand your sexuality that I haven’t included? Comment below to share questions and thoughts with likeminded people.

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