Before you read any further, let me just clarify, this is my one and only cure for heartbreak – it might not work for you! You might even think it ridiculous, or roll your eyes because you’ve heard it all before and it’s never worked for you… But whether this method cures your heartbreak or not, it’s one that will only benefit you through trying it out. It’s taken me a number of years to realize how I truly get over lost loves – the patterns that I’ve unconsciously created – and it’s unbelievably empowering to finally be both aware, and certain, of how it can be done. You’ve definitely heard the phrase ‘knowledge is power’ before, well, I hate to reiterate such a cliche, but honestly, a break up is a more than adequate reason to take a big deep dive within yourself and get back in touch with YOU. It’s time to study yourself, people!
I hesitate to use the word selfish here because taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can be doing! To say it’s okay to be selfish is as if to say you’re doing something cheeky, or even forbidden. NO. By taking care of yourself you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Heartbreak is tough, and there’s no overnight remedy. You can get stuck right back in there with someone new, lean on the shoulder of a friend or even take comfort from your parents – do what works for you!! But, let me ask you this: if there was somebody in your life who could show up 100% of the time, be a positive influence, a force for change and for good, the rock you need and the wind beneath your wings, your shoulder to cry on and your soul partner forever – would you neglect them? Take them for granted? Belittle them or pay no attention to what they really want/need? Of course not! That would be crazy. That soul partner is real, and it’s yourself. Take some time and tap into what you really need, what’s important in your life and the dreams and goals that you have. Being YOU is beautiful. So be you, be the most you that you’ve ever been. As RuPaul would say, ‘if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else’. My one and only cure for heartbreak is, quite simply, self-love.
Don’t think I was spared from the post-heartbreak torture. I might have my eyes wide open now, but I sure as hell didn’t know how to even begin helping myself out of the pit of despair when love was just as new to me as loss was. Having realized within the past couple of year the best ways for me to move forward after heartbreak, I wondered why on earth I’d never done so before. But then I thought about it, and I realized that I had. Without knowing it, without even really understanding the connection before, I had taken steps towards standing up for myself, towards being my own heroine and towards standing on my own emotional two feet without needing to lean on anybody else. It was a revelation like you wouldn’t believe and it will always remind me of how important it is to love YOU. Without meaning to, I’ve been my own champion time and time again, especially in the times where I’ve felt destroyed by heartbreak. I’ve never given my body and my mind enough credit for the unconscious things it achieves, imagine what might happen if I decided to put my whole heart and soul into myself, imagine what I could achieve then. Imagine what you could, if you did the same.
You might be thinking ‘well, I love myself all the time – when I want to finish a tub of ice cream and not feel (that) bad about it, I do’, and yes, that’s one way to love yourself… kind of. But I’m not talking about buying yourself that new candle, or tickets to that gig ‘because you deserve it’ – though in all honesty you probably do – what I mean when I say self-love is believing in yourself and knowing your own mind. Being ‘alone’ is scary, it might have been years since you’ve been single and you’ll have changed a lot in that time. While I’m not advocating for you to remain single in order to ‘find yourself’ or whatever, I think it’s important to be aware of the difference between self-love and self-pity. There really is no better time to connect with you, to really understand who you are, who you want to be, then when you don’t have to worry about a partner. This might not be the case for everyone, but when I’m in a relationship my life becomes their life – and I love that – but it’s meant that my own personal growth has taken a bit of a back seat and has often really suffered. My one and only cure for heartbreak is reaffirming who you are, and what you want, so that you can come back stronger and surer than ever.
When I’ve experienced heartbreak there’s a part of me that changes and becomes extremely resilient, some might say defiant. ‘I can and I will’ becomes my inner motto, and I can and I do do anything that I put my mind to. As well as opening up to myself emotionally, I like to take action out in the world. In the past, my one and only cure for heartbreak, in terms of actions, has often been taking on a new responsibility that I believed was beyond me, and crushing it. Nowadays I have far more confidence in my abilities, even after heartbreak, and will often go into a new challenge knowing I’ll crush it (which is amazing), but it all comes back to having taken the time to get to know myself. Now, I’ve got my own back. Do you have yours? Take a risk, accept that challenge. You’ve got this.
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