10 Lessons You Learn From Your First Relationship

Your first relationship is something that you'll always remember. That being said, here are some lessons that you've learned from it.

It is commonly said that you will never forget your first love. This doesn’t mean that you won’t get over your first relationship, just that the memories will always stay with you. Most people experience their first relationship in their early to late teens; the sensation of falling in love for the first time is truly exhilarating. You want to spend every single minute of the day with that person and every moment you’re not physically with them, you are thinking about them. However, your first relationship will also be memorable for negative reasons because on the opposite end of the spectrum, it will also be the first time you are exposed to heartache when the relationship ends. Nonetheless, it is important not to try to repress, or to try to block out your first relationship, but to use it as a learning experience for future relationships which will inevitably be more mature and meaningful. So without further ado, below is a list of ten lessons you will learn from your first relationship.

1. You learn you can’t afford to neglect your friends (or your family).

Without a doubt your partner should be like your best friend as well as your boyfriend but they shouldn’t be your only friend. It is so important to have separate lives outside of one another and also not to drop your friends as soon as you get into a relationship. It is natural to want to spend more time with your partner at the start as you are still getting to know one another, and you are completely besotted with one another. But as time goes on you MUST learn to split your time between your partner and your friends. Otherwise if and when your first relationship comes to an end, you will find yourself suddenly very alone; your friends are also the people that will help you get over your first relationship.

2. You learn how to love yourself.

Your first relationship will allow you to see yourself in a different light and come to terms with the person you truly are. Your first partner will fall in love with you and all your little quirks (however weird), as well as accepting all of your insecurities. They will love you and your body, and in turn you will also learn to feel more confident in your own skin instead of putting yourself down all the time.

3. You learn how to speak up for yourself.

No relationship is perfect, especially once the ‘Honeymoon phase’ is over. Your partner will inevitably annoy you or do something to upset you (sometimes you might find yourself getting annoyed at your partner for no reason whatsoever) and it is during your first relationship that you really find your own voice and learn to defend yourself. At the same time, you learn how to listen to your partner during a fight and to see things from their point of view too, which will then teach you the importance of forgiveness.

4. You learn how to compromise.

Your first relationship will teach you that relationships are hard work. I don’t mean in the physical sense as in they knacker you out, but in the emotionally and mentally draining sense. You must both put in an equal effort to make your relationship work and to make sacrifices along the way. You will find yourself doing something that you don’t necessarily enjoy, just to make your partner happy. This is all part of learning to be selfless and putting the needs of others above your own which is also important in life more generally.

5. You learn how to be more adventurous.

Your first relationship will be somewhat revolutionary; through your partner’s differing tastes, you will be exposed to all different types of music, foods, experiences etc. that you never would have considered previously with your friends or alone. Most couples also develop a bucket list of things to do together and you will find yourself venturing further and further into new territory with your first love.

6. You learn that sex is underwhelming with your first partner.

Not all the time, but the majority of the time, people lose their virginity to their first love. You will learn that the build up and the pressure to ‘wait’ to have sex and to save yourself for the right person, can give you false expectations. Your first sexual encounter will no doubt be a bit awkward and uncomfortable and leave you wondering: ‘is this really it?’. With your first partner, especially if you are both young and inexperienced, you will also learn that your sex life will be vanilla compared to future relationships. Because as you get older and experience real love as opposed to puppy love, you will learn the joy of having sex that is meaningful and passionate as opposed to being motivated by lust. You will also get much more adventurous trust me…

7. You realise how strong you are.

When your first relationship ends it can also feel as if you have lost a part of yourself and that you cannot continue with your life in the same way as before. You feel as if you have hit rock-bottom and are at a loss of how you will recover from your first love. But as each day passes, you will surprise yourself with your inner strength and realise that you do not need a relationship to define you. You will learn that the most important type of love in life is self-love.

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8. You realise how fickle people can be.

When you first get in a relationship, you cannot imagine yourself being with anyone else, you find yourself planning the rest of your life with your first love and telling your friends that the true love from fairy tales really does exist. But the end of your first relationship will show you how fickle people can be: that same person that was telling you how much they loved you and needed you, can cut you from their lives as if you never meant anything to them. As hard as it is at the time, you will realise that you are better off without someone like this in your life.

9. You learn you can’t trust everyone you meet in life.

Similar to the point above, when you first get into a relationship, because you are more likely to be younger and more naïve, you give your all to your first partner and trust them wholeheartedly. However, when things turn sour and the relationship ends, you realise how gullible you were and that it is good to always hold a little of yourself back so as to protect yourself. This is especially true as you never know your partner’s intentions in a first relationship, for example, some people enter into a relationship to legitimise their desire to have sex for the first time and to lose their virginity- so not necessarily for the right reasons.

10. You learn how wrong it is to force yourself to love someone. And that love can’t be forced.

Some people fall into their first relationship with their blinkers on, they fall in love with the idea of a person and the idea of ‘love’ as opposed to the actual person. These types of people mould themselves to their partner and change who they are simply because their partner was the first person to show them a bit of attention. You soon learn as you encounter future relationships about the importance of compatibility and the beauty of being yourself around someone. Again this is all part of growing up and finding out the person you want to be independently, and in a relationship. You will also learn that you can’t force love; as soon as the love has gone, then the relationship will also end.

So there you have it, a list of ten things you learn from your first relationship. Can you think of any other valuable lessons? If so, then write them in the comments section that follows this article.