10 Things I Learned From My Parent’s Relationship
So let me set the scene: my Mum is dressed as Cleopatra, aged 15 at her cousin’s birthday party and my Dad is dressed in toga, aged 18 at the same party. Fast-forward thirty-five years later and they are happily married (it will be their 28th wedding anniversary this September) with two children and they are still madly in love. When I’ve told my friends about my parents’ relationship they have often remarked that it is like something you see from the movies and a real-life, modern day fairy-tale. Don’t get me wrong they still have little disagreements like every couple do, but on the whole they have a relationship that most couples would aspire to. However, the fact their relationship is somewhat ‘perfect’ to use the term loosely, means I also grew up with a very high standard what to expect from relationships and unrealistic expectations when it came to love. So the purpose of this article is to share with you 10 things I have learned from my parent’s relationship.
1. There is such a thing as soul mates.
Okay okay I know you probably already feel nauseous but let me get the soppy point out of the way first. Like most parents and couples, my parents have gone through so much together, such as the loss of both of their parents and have helped each other through every challenge or milestone that has come their way. They are stronger than ever and have a deeper connection after so many years together. Even now I still catch my Dad throwing adoring glances in my Mum’s direction and my Mum giggling like a schoolgirl at something my Dad has said. Again I’m being biased but I can’t imagine them ever being with someone other than each other, it really is as if it was meant to be.
2. Opposites do attract.
To resort to using a cliché, my parent’s relationship really is like chalk and cheese in some respects. My Dad on the one hand is a bit of a geezer, he is the extrovert and the life and soul of the party, he is always equipped with a story to tell or a joke to make everyone laugh. My Mum on the other hand, is loud in her own right and equally opinionated, but in company she is much more subdued and quiet compared to my Dad. Their interests can also vary quite substantially but it just works. Their differences are neutralised by the fact that they compliment one another. I can imagine if they were both the same it would either be boring, or they would be very competitive.
3. Relationships require compromise.
Like I mentioned in the intro, my parents can clash when it comes to certain things, for example my Dad lives for a holiday each year and can become quite obsessive when choosing the place he wants to go and the price he is willing to pay. My Mum on the other hand loves to go away don’t get me wrong, but she is the more practical one when it comes to money and the reality of going away versus getting things done around the house. My parents have taught me that you need to relent on certain things your other half wants so as to keep the peace and to try and meet them halfway if you cannot agree all the way.
4. Never bottle things up.
My parents rarely argue because if they have a problem or an issue with something the other person has said or done, they will let each other know right away. They have taught me that it can be toxic to repress what it on my mind, or the way I feel, as it will only consume me and become a bigger problem than it initially needed to be when it does eventually come out.
5. Arguments can be healthy but never go to bed on one.
Like I keep saying, my parents rarely argue but of course they have their moments. However, they never go to bed on an argument (my Dad usually caves in and apologises) and they always say I love you each night no matter what. Arguments are a great way of relieving tension and showing how passionate you are about your partner and how much you care.
6. It is good to do separate things.
After so many years together my parents still enjoy each other’s company, however they also make sure they have separate lives outside of their little orbit and they have taught me that it is good to remain an individual even in a relationship. For example, they both go out with work friends or friends they have grown up with, whether this might be once a month or more, they do have a healthy balance of time away from each other as well as time spent together.
7. The physical side of a relationship is important.
No don’t worry I am not about to spill saucy details of my parent’s sex life, as far as I’m concerned they have only ever had sex twice: once when my brother was born, and then again when I was born. But all jokes aside, physical intimacy is important, it helps you to feel connected to one another and shows that you still fancy the pants off of each other after so many years and changes (my Dad isn’t as slim as he once used to be!). Whether this might be holding hands out in public, or cuddling or kissing – it is important to show your partner you care and love them. This is another fact from my parent’s relationship that I learned.
8. You don’t have to talk 24/7.
In todays social media savvy world and in the dating arena that revolves around social media and apps, we are programmed to think we have to be messaging and reaching out to our partner every single breathing moment. But my parent’s relationship has taught me that this isn’t the case. Back when they first met, mobiles didn’t exist but they still coped and found out they liked each other enough to spend the rest of their lives together. Even now, throughout the day they never text instead, they save it all for when they get home. Face to face communication is better than through a screen.
9. Make decisions as a team.
My parents are both equal partners in their relationship, they discuss everything together and are a united front. Minor things can be dealt with as individuals but all the serious stuff requires both of them having a say. My parent’s relationship has taught me that in a relationship you can always rely on the other person, tell them anything and know that they have your back no matter what (such as when they gang up on me and my brother when we are in the wrong!).
10. Each stage of life is precious so enjoy it.
My parents always share stories from the different stages of their lives such as when they first met, when they got married, when they had children. They speak about their life before my brother and I just as warmly about their lives now. But throughout it all, the ups and the downs, I have learnt from my parent’s relationship to savour every moment, the good and the bad and use every stage of a relationship as a learning curve and something to grow from.
So there you have it, a list of ten things that I have learned from my parent’s relationship. What have you learned from yours? Answer in the comment section below this article.
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