Is It Okay To Be Friends With An Ex While In A Relationship?

Every relationship is different, and ex’s are even trickier, especially if they’re sticking around. There’s no catch-all yes or no answer about whether it’s ‘okay’ to stay friends with an ex, but here are some quick tips so you can assess the situation and weigh it up yourself. Is it okay to be friends with an ex while in a relationship? Let see…

Not all relationships end badly.

Just because it doesn’t work out romantically doesn’t mean that platonic love can’t hang around. Sometimes you realise you’re better as friends, it’s a matter of circumstance, or you’re just growing in different directions. There doesn’t have to be big betrayal or screaming fight to end things. Your ex was a massive part of your life. Even if your relationship changes your history doesn’t go away. It’s okay to still care about them.

Even if it did end badly.

It can actually reflect pretty well on you if you can still act like an adult and get one, even care, for someone who hurt you, because that doesn’t mean caring goes away. It’s important to make sure any toxicity that caused the relationship to end doesn’t seep into the friendship though- if it does, its absolutely okay to cut it off.

Treat them like a friend

Yes, you were once in a relationship and they mattered the most to you, but you need to renegotiate the nature of your relationship if you’re trying to move on to a new one. Set new boundaries and stick to them even if it takes some time to readjust, be strict with yourself.

Have some distance.

You can’t get over someone and reform to a friendship without first having some time to grieve the romantic relationship- even if you were the dump-er and not the dump-ee ,and had been over the relationship for longer than you’d like to admit. Even if you’ve decided you want to be friends right away, tell them you need space so that they’re not left in the dark, mute (no need to block) them on social media, and take three weeks for yourself to process your feelings and start getting used to life without them. This will let you not fall into the trap of treating your new friendship like a relationship without the labels.

Be honest

With your new partner, be open and reassure them that you’re not hung up on your ex and that they’re not a rebound (and make sure they’re not!). Of course, your partner can’t tell you who to be friends with- it’s a warning sign of a controlling relationship. But it’s okay for them to be a bit anxious about your relationship with your ex. Nobody wants to be the inbetween, no one wants to feel like they’re standing in the way of something else and no one likes feeling anxious and insecure. It’s important to be open with them about the nature of your relationship with your ex and reassure them that extra bit more than you think they need. And be honest with yourself. Are you sure you’re over them? Are you harbouring any feelings? Make sure to check in with yourself, honestly. After reflecting on your feelings, what do you think, is it okay to be friends with an ex while in a relationship?

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Watch your priorities

Whose feelings are you more conscious of- your partners or your exs? If your relationship with your ex causing tension? Who is your go to person? Are you completely honest with your partner? Open communication is always key. When you ask yourself, is it okay to be friends with an ex while in a relationship, what comes to your mind first?

You can’t really go wrong with honesty, caring and consideration. As long as you’re checking in with yourself and your partner in a way that works for you both then of course you can absolutely remain friends with your ex whilst in a new relationship. It’s tricky and you have to watch yourself from slipping into old, easy feelings and patterns but it absolutely can be done.