Is It Healthy To Stay In Contact With An Ex?

In a relationship you let your partner in, you share your dreams and your secrets with them and they see you at your most vulnerable. It is inevitable an emotional connection forms between two people in love. Therefore, when the relationship ends, it can be hard to cut them out of your life completely which leads me to ask the question: is it healthy to stay in contact with an ex?. There are two answers to this: yes, or no. However, every relationship ends differently, so the decision to remain civil or to erase an ex from your life varies according to this. What follows is a list of reasons why it is and why it isn’t healthy to stay in contact with an ex.

Reasons it is healthy to stay in contact with an ex:

1. If the relationship ended civilly.

Regardless of whether it was a mutual decision to end your relationship, or one sided, if the relationship ended on good terms then it can be healthy to stay in contact with an ex. This would be a sign that you respect your ex and still wish to support them in their life even if it is not on a romantic level. The fact you know your ex so intimately means you might be in the position to give them advice that no one else can.

2. If you were friends beforehand.

Research has proven that exes who were friends beforehand can resume their friendship once their relationship ends. Sometimes the boundaries between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship can become blurred and you might pursue a relationship with someone and then realise you are better off as friends. As mature adults, this doesn’t have to change anything, nor do things have to be awkward. In this instance, is it healthy to stay in contact with an ex? Yes definitely! Things might be a bit weird during the adjustment period but with time a friendship is possible.

3. Practical reasons.

A relationship doesn’t necessarily involve just two people. So after a break up, there are other factors to take into account when determining whether or not it is healthy to stay in contact with an ex. For example, if children are involved, if you work together, if you have mutual friends. All of these mean some kind of contact is necessary to a degree.

4. It might be an ego boost.

After a break up you can lose all self-confidence, you might not value yourself as a person or realise your true worth or beauty. In today’s social media savvy world, it means it is so easy to stay in contact with an ex without physically having to speak or see them. It can be healthy to stay in contact with an ex to see how far you have come since you shared your life with them. You might also get silent satisfaction when they get in a new relationship and you know they are not happy or you are better than their new partner – everyone loves a cheeky ego boost right?

Reasons it is not healthy to stay in touch with an ex.

1. Potential recoupling.

More often than not, if you break up with someone, or they break up with you, there was a valid reason and it was meant to be. If you broke up with your ex, by maintaining contact with them you might give them the wrong impression that you would be open to rekindling your relationship in the future. Or, if they broke up with you, you might read too much into their every move and give yourself false hope that they are still into you.

2. If they broke up with you.

I might be stating the obvious but if your ex broke up with you then it wasn’t your choice and you most likely still want to be with them no matter how much they hurt you. In this instance it is not healthy to stay in contact with an ex. Obsessively stalking their social media platforms will only result in more heartache and make it harder for you to move on. Your ex belongs to your past, now you need to concentrate on the future.

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3. If you get in a new relationship.

Your new partner does not need your ex paraded in their face. If you are constantly in contact with your ex, then it might lead to tension in your new relationship and to your new partner feeling insecure- both of which are not good. If you are over an ex then you should find it easy to cut ties with them for the sake of a new relationship; if you aren’t, then it might be a good idea not to lead anyone else on. One may wonder how is it healthy to stay in contact with an ex when you are in a new relationship?

4. If you aren’t comfortable being alone.

If you are only keeping in touch with an ex because you are scared of being single, then it definitely isn’t healthy to keep in contact with an ex. This will delay your ability to find yourself on your journey to become independent, rather than relying on someone else to affirm your identity. It will also delay your ability to meet anyone else.

So at the end of the day, is it healthy to stay in contact with an ex ? Every person is different so scenarios might change on a case to case basis. Just do what you think is best for you!