How To Deal With Relationship Problems

In a world where we’re commonly told about Happily Ever Afters, whether that be in the large colourful pages of children’s books or in the glamorous cinematic world of rom-coms, it’s hard to address the cracks in our supposed happy endings. Dealing with relationship problems can be tough. If you’re doing long distance, here’s how to cope. Now, I’m not cynical enough to believe happy endings don’t exist. I just think happy comes with it’s own sets of challenges that every one of us must deal with at some point to truly be content in our relationships.

It’s easy to panic when we start to notice the problems in our relationships. It’s natural to be worried things might be broken beyond repair and that can lead to some horrific decision making. But, I’m here to offer a few tips to avoid relationship issues. At least from this moment on.

1. Make It Known

Every one wants to be the “chill girlfriend” or the “cool girl”. The girl who never ever complains about anything. The girl who thinks everything is “fine” and “great”. Who doesn’t find fault in her boyfriend never making time for her or not pulling his weight. The kind of girl who is adored by her boyfriend for her great attitude and coveted by his friends.

But the problem with this trope is in reality, when us less than cool girls try to mimic this behaviour is we just end up, most likely, fucking miserable.

Girls in fear of not wanting to be the nag, bottle up their emotions about relationships quite often. It’s understandable. But it’s also not helpful. You can’t ever expect anything to change if you never speak up about it. If there’s a problem, whether it be your partner not making time to be with you or them not picking up their socks. Tell them. Maybe they’ll think you’re not the perfect girl. But who cares?

What’s the point of being perfect if you feel sad and undervalued in your relationship? Doesn’t seem like a great tradeoff to me.

2. Don’t Downplay Your Feelings or Apologise

“Sorry”, “It’s not a big deal”, “It’s fine, it’s just…”

These phrases pop into all of our vocabulary more often than appropriate. It’s a verbal tic many women have. But when you’re adressing relationship issues, it’s no time to be coy. (I mean you shouldn’t downplay your needs in any situation but that’s another article).

You have to be clear about how you’re feeling. If you hide your needs and desires under a mountain of apologetic language, how is anyone going to know the importance of truly trying to change things going forward?

If it helps, rehearse things in your head beforehand and try to look out for and correct any overly apologetic speech that might occur when you lay out how you’re feeling. It’s tough for a lot of people but a necessity to communicating honestly with your partner.

3. Don’t Wait Too Long

We’ve all seen the jokes about a girlfriend uttering a phrase along the lines of

“Why did you leave me on read on Nov 6, 2014 at 9:05pm?”

We all laugh to ourselves. But the thing is . . . we shouldn’t bottle things up for months or years. Not only is it just bad practice when in committed adult relationships, it’s bad for your health both mentally and physically. Stress from anxiety can cause physical manifestations such as headaches, tremors, body pain as well as causing anxious behavior and low moods.

Instead of being tight lipped and letting it all fester or explode one day in the middle of a big fight, take care of it immediately. Don’t wait one whole day if you can. You’ll be better equipped to handle it together if it’s fresh in both your minds. Then it’s less uneven. The likely outcome when you bring something up months later is the other person, who hasn’t been obsessing about it, will be unclear on what you mean which will just lead to more heartache. In this case, the earlier the better.

4. Make A Clear Plan

Anyone can apologise. It’s easy to say sorry but it’s harder to make hard plans to amend your actions going forward. Sorry is just a word but when we implement plans to make ourselves and our relationships better, we truly take responsibility for our actions and make notable changes.

So, whether you are confronting your partner or your partner is confronting you, make a plan. Write it down. Commit it to paper or a facebook messenger time code. Make sure it’s something that can’t be brushed away if brought up in future. We all want to be with someone who keeps their promises and is committed to making lasting healthy relationships. This is a great test of you and your partners intentions.

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5. Check In

“Are we good?”, “Are you happy?”

These are sometimes blunt questions. They are usually asked with a lack of sincerity. But asking your partner this reguarly means not only can you follow up on any problems you were having easily, but they have a comfortable opening to talk about any qualms they may have with you, knowing you are truly open to listening to them.

While having to ask this may sometimes feel like an admission that your relationship is failing. It’s not. You’d be surprised how many people wished their partners cared enough to ever ask that question.

6. Think About It

In the midst of working jobs or going to university (or a mix of both) it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and not think about others. But try and take time to think about what you’re contributing to your relationship and how you are making your partner feel with your actions and words.

It may seem meaningless that maybe you guys haven’t had time to sit down and talk for ages, or even watch shows together. But this lack of time spent together can accrue quickly, to the point where you become afterthoughts and resentments can build.

Taking time to really take stock of your relationship means you can influence your actions before it gets to that point. It’s a vital step in creating a lasting relationship you can be happy and grow in.

I know all this may seem as if it’s stripped from the pages of a self help book you’d never be caught reading, but it matters. The bonds we make, romantic or otherwise, with people matter. At least if those people are important to us. So, why not make the extra effort to make sure they stick around?

If you have any other ideas for how to deal with relationship problems drop us a line!!

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