It’s hard not to loose yourself in a relationship. It’s almost as if your body merges with your partner to become one and part of your identity is lost in the process. Your other half is constantly on your mind, they are the first person you think of when you wake up in the morning, and the last person you fall asleep thinking of. Even when you are not with them physically, you are messaging them constantly via every social media platform possible. Whilst this is natural and common during the first few months of a new relationship, it cannot go on forever. Independence is vital for a healthy relationship and not to be pessimistic, if your relationship was to end for whatever reason, then independence would ensure that you can still stand on your own two feet and make your recovery that bit easier. So without further ado, below is a list of ways of how not to lose yourself in a relationship:
If you are constantly around your partner then it can be suffocating, you end up mimicking their daily routine and lose your own in the process. Even if you have no other plans for the week, make sure you do not fall into the trap of going round your partner’s house every day. Or if you live together, then encourage your partner to go out once or twice a week and you do the same. Everyone needs their own personal space. When you are alone, don’t message your partner constantly either, or stalk their social media, focus on yourself and yourself only.
In a way, you can share a deeper connection and understanding with friends than your partner. You are also in a relationship with your friends, so it is important to spend time with them as well as your partner. But make sure to spend alone time with your friends- it’s great if your partner gets on with your friends, but don’t make it a habit for them to come along to every group outing. The way you interact with your friends and the way they respond to you will inevitably change if your partner is present. So fly solo so as to not lose yourself in a relationship and definitely don’t’ be on your phone to your partner the whole time you are socialising.
Everyone has a bucket list am I right? These are the things that you want to do before you die to ensure that your life has been memorable. The list can include absolutely anything from wanting to knit, wanting to improve your mental health by taking a mindfulness class (top of my list at the moment) or adrenaline based activities such as doing a skydive. The point is, the list is personal to YOU. Make it your aim to accomplish something off of your list every month and keep on adding to your list so as to not lose yourself in a relationship. This is a really creative way on how not to lose yourself in a relationship!
It is inevitable that you and your partner will clash when it comes to certain hobbies (my partner would not be seen dead doing Zumba)- this is great news… seriously it is. Identify these hobbies and incorporate them into your weekly or monthly routine. It is so important that you and your partner support each other’s interests even if you do not share them personally.
Again like I said in the introduction, you and your partner might stay together until you grow all old and wrinkly but you have to consider an alternative future where you and your partner might not be together. Your plan might include career goals as well as personal ones- you should not compromise your short-term and long-term ambitions just for your partner. Also on the subject of compromise, ensure you are not the one giving into your partner’s demands constantly, be strong and speak your mind when you aren’t happy about something so as to not lose yourself.
Invent a word in your inner circle of family and friends. Ask them to say this code word whenever you talk about your partner too much. You shouldn’t have to mention their name every five seconds or twist conversations back to how amazing your relationship is. People will get bored and eventually they will stop inviting you out. So cut it out to avoid losing yourself in a relationship. This is an important way on how not to lose yourself in a relationship!
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