First the bad news. A systematic review published by the British Medical Journal concluded that there is no evidence that any real hangover cures exists.
The good news is there are plenty of methods to help your hangover, which have been discussed with nutritionists, medical professionals, and other fellow hangover sufferers, which can certainly help. We’ve scoured the Internet to pull this information together to support your desperate hunt for relief, normality and hangover cures that actually works.
An admittedly un-sensational start, but please, bare with us. TIME magazine rated water number one in their top 10 hangover cures. And with your fuzzy hung-over head – who are you to question the judgment of the beloved publication? Stay hydrated.
Although this is unlikely to be news to you, the reality is, water is best drunk the night before the hangover kicks in. Supplementing your alcohol consumption with a water on the night can significantly relieve hangover symptoms.
Scottish folklore advocated the treatment of a rabid dog bite with the rubbing of said dog’s hair in the wound. Yikes. As ineffective as that sounds, and inevitably was, the modern equivalent of furthering your alcohol intake the following day has settled many a shaky hand, anxious mind and effectively, prolonged the bender. Yes, the age-old adage continues to fuel teenagers and young adults through the early stages of alcoholism across the UK.
And who can blame you? Slowly chomping your way through a well-cooked brekkie, and memories of the night, in good company with a Red Snapper in hand – the world once again is your oyster.
Not convinced? I’ve got pseudo science to back it up. A report in The Independent quotes Adam Booth, author of ‘Proof: The Science of Booze’ in saying,
“…the notion is if a hangover is methanol toxicity, you’re going to have another drink and the ethanol displaces the methanol off the enzyme and you will feel better.”
Sounds good right? He goes on…
“…that’s the hypothesis, no one has proved that.”
So, not really a hangover cure.
But if you’re going to continue your own private research into the subject, we advise to never drink on an empty stomach, always drink responsibly and don’t ever rub rabid dog hair in an open wound.
There is nothing like when your active friend suggests you go for a run to ‘sweat it out’, when your suffering from a Magnitude 7 hungover existential crisis morphing into the sofa.
‘When did the night end and the morning begin?’
‘Do I exist separately to this sofa?’
‘If I throw up in the morning and no ones around to hear it, should I eat that leftover kebab on the floor over there?’
Muse on this. Your active friend may be preachy, annoying and better than you – but try this for a retort.
It only takes an hour or so for the average body to metabolize an alcoholic beverage, so the vast majority of alcohol consumed is ‘unsweatable’ the following day. So HA! In your chiseled, fresh face, fit friend.
However, always stop short of throwing that floor kebab in their face because, of course, they are actually on to something.
How to build a perfect hollow vessel magazine, ‘Men’s Health’ believes despite the metabolic illusion of ‘sweating it out’, the endorphins released from exercise could ‘boost your mood’. So snap out of that existential crisis, crawl out that self-made wallow pit and literally run away from last night’s mistakes.
Drinking alcohol can make you the feel like the best dancer you can possibly be. But did you know it also depletes the body of B-complex vitamins leading you to feel weak and lightheaded? We’ve all been there, when you mooch out for some hangover grub, and you or a friend’s grip strength is too weak to carry their McDonalds tray, and everyone’s laughing but secretly we’re wondering if Claire’s having a brain aneurism. We’ve all been there.
But be there no more. Salmon is an excellent source of biological protein that contains all essential amino acids and vitamin B12 – so get yourself a salmon bagel and cure that hangover.
Most conveniently, Cosmopoliton recently investigated nutritionist’s top-choice foods for hangover cures. Alexis Poole, Registered Associate Nutritionist and Nutrition Manager at Spoon Guru announced her desire for a plain and simple meal after a night out – a desire egg provides, and then some!
“A large single egg will contain vitamin A, D, E, K, B12, B2, B5, folate, phosphorus, selenium, calcium and zinc as well as 6 grams of protein, all for only 77 calories.” she says.
The mind wanders as to what circumstances Alexis came to be hung-over in the first place with statements such as this. Let’s hope she can leave the work at home or it may be eggs for one this rainy Sunday morning for Alexis. No this isn’t intelligence shaming – she just happens to go full nutritionist when you ask her about eggs. Go eat your eggs.
The increased desire to have sex when hungover is anecdotally well documented /some friends have said it before. I thought the literature I had produced on the subject on various chatrooms, napkins and cubicle walls may have been trailblazing in the field. Until I Googled it. And Vice had covered it.
A recent Vice article titled ‘Why do you get horny when your hungover?” cited the expertise of Dr. Nicole Prause, a neuroscientist who specialises in human sexual behaviour and addiction. The article alludes the phenomena (which it is) to potentially reduce anxiety, initiate sleep or the result of alcohol consumption increasing our baseline tendencies (alcohol myopia).
The conclusion of these findings can be well-represented through the age old dichotomy. Good versus evil, light versus darkness, orgasm versus crippling loneliness. Yep, hangovers make you feel bad and sex makes you feel good, people. That’s science.
The complex cage of symptoms a hangover locks you in can require a strong mind and stomach to survive. Sometimes rushing out to buy some salmon or find a sexual partner can seem a bit much on a hangover. So this is one of hangover cures we like to keep simple.
Netflix and Chill. Stick on the latest reality/entertainment/comedy/murder mystery special, put your feet up and engage with the fictional, or otherwise, problems of others: not your own.
Who can think about his or her own sense of pain and loneliness when dwelling on the virtue of justice served to Stephen Avery, or the slack-jawed simplicity of Brendan? (Dated reference but it still bothers me).
Put that hangover in your back pocket and sit on it.
The official NHS recommendation for food consumption to alleviate hangover symptoms is bouillon soup.
The government funded advice features a mouth-watering description, with all the menu puffery of a prison guard, who spits out ‘..it’s a thin vegetable-based broth’.
The soup is a good source of vitamins and minerals and ‘…it’s main advantage is it’s easy for a fragile stomach to digest.’
Thin, tasteless, nutritious vegetable broth may not sound like what you need but maybe, just maybe, it’s what you deserve. One of the more old-fashioned hangover cures you should definitely try out!
Happy Hangover! xoxo
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