I would like to clarify right away that I have never personally had a threesome and while I would consider myself quite adventurous in the bedroom, a threesome has never been something that has appealed to me, and I doubt it is something that’ll I’ll ever do. However, I have had friends who have had threesomes before and aim to write this article with what they have told me in mind.
The clue is in the name; a threesome involves three people so that means there are more complications compared to having sex with just one other person, for example you need to think about incorporating new and different positions, what kind of criteria to use to propose having one, and also how to find the perfect pair to make the threesome banging (pun intended). The aim of this article is to list everything you should know before having a threesome.
Whatever you are into, there is no right or wrong combination for a threesome. In today’s sexually evolving world, threesomes can involve two women and one man, two men and one woman, or breaking away from the more traditional: three women, three men, as well as transgender individuals, and those individuals who do not conform to any labelled gender and who refer to themselves as fluid. Either way, you should know that threesomes do not exclude anyone regardless of sex or gender orientation. The list of combinations is endless…
As stated above, anyone can have a threesome. It can be fun, causal and happen on a night out, or two people in a relationship might want to spice up their sex life by inviting someone else into their bed. Whatever the scenario, you can’t force anyone to have a threesome, and you should consider your reasons for wanting one. If you propose having one with your long term partner, if there is a lack of trust or insecurities in your relationship, then you need to be careful with your wording. For example, your partner might react badly and assume that you are tired of your sex life, or that you are attracted to other women and a threesome would be a way to legitimise cheating – if this is the case, a threesome can have negative repercussions for your relationship. Tread carefully. Another thing you need to know before having a threesome, is to prepare yourself for frosty reactions from strangers, not everyone might be as open to the idea of a threesome as you and might take offence. Be respectful of all involved.
Linked to the point above, consent is everything in all sexual relations. Before having a threesome you need to make sure that all members agree to it wholeheartedly and that no one feels pressured in any way. You should also pause at certain points throughout to ensure that everyone is still comfortable with how things are proceeding. It might also be an idea to establish a safe word so that everybody is aware of each other’s limits – because what might work for you, might be too much for someone else. You need to know that communication is key before, during, and after a threesome.
Three is an odd number. This means that there is the risk that someone can feel left out. Inevitably there will be a time where you might not be the individual giving or receiving pleasure. Naturally, you might feel like a bit of a loose part and if you don’t get aroused by the sight of two people getting intimate, you could get jealous. This is especially true if the man/woman is reacting more intensely towards the other person in the threesome compared to how they reacted to your touch. You need to know that the green-eyed monster will probably possess you at one point throughout your threesome.
Don’t all jump in right away, like with normal sex, make sure everyone is properly warmed up first. Not everyone has to participate right away, one person should be prepared to linger at the side or in the bathroom whilst the two other people turn each other on. This might make things a lot smoother especially if a stranger engages in a threesome with a couple. Just go with the flow and remember that watching (and touching yourself whilst watching) can be just as fun as actively getting involved.
Another thing you need to know before having a threesome is that it can get competitive. Especially if there are two men involved, for example they might compete over how many times they can make a female orgasm, their different techniques, how long they can keep going for, or the size of their dicks. While this can be a huge turn on for the woman- having two men practically fight to give her pleasure- it can also be a little intimidating and a turn off. Threesomes are meant to be fun and exciting, so don’t let anybody’s ego ruin that.
A one-night stand can be worse enough when it comes to pillow talk, but small talk can be one hundred times more awkward during a threesome. This is especially true if two people in a long-term relationship decide to invite someone else into their home. Because let’s face it, you don’t just all jump into bed and get going right away, ultimately everyone will be feeling a little embarrassed or nervous – you are about to get naked and let all your inhibitions go with someone new after all!
Try to make a joke to break the ice right away and be polite after, yes you will all no doubt be in desperate need of a shower but acknowledge what you have just done and whether it is something you would like to repeat, or move on from. Be honest and open about your desires and fantasies because I can imagine if done right, a threesome can be very exhilarating.
Although I have openly admitted that a threesome isn’t for me, I don’t think there is anything wrong with having one. They are not slutty and no one should be judged for having one. Most people have a threesome because they are curious and there is only one way to find out if you like something, and that is by trying it…
With another person involved, the risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection is even greater, as are the chances of falling pregnant. Don’t leave it all to chance. Prepare everything beforehand, make sure someone has condoms handy, or that female members are using some form of contraception. There are no excuses not to be safe.
Although some threesomes (mainly drunken ones) can be spontaneous, one thing you should know before having a threesome, is that it is important to plan. As well as finding compatible partners, it is also important to shop around for certain things such as wet wipes, tissues, towels, lubricant, water (to stay hydrated- you’ll be going for a while), sex toys (because why not, you might as well go wild). Having these things around you will save you running around during or after.
A threesome can be very disappointing if it ends too early, especially where there are more people involved, all seeking please. Although you might feel a little nervous or awkward at first, don’t use this as an excuse to rush a threesome, it’s meant to last a lot longer and to be extremely enjoyable: a mostly unlimited time to experiment and live out your wildest fantasies. Because realistically if people opt to have a threesome, it’s likely they will only have a handful in their lives, so you want to make yours memorable.
There is one more person in the room with you compared to normal, so that is an extra pair of eyes on you. It is natural to get a bit of stage fright or to feel as if the threesome is a little performative, like you are showing off for the other two people involved. But this is fine, have some fun with it, use the threesome as your opportunity to incorporate a little role play or to act out your sauciest and most daring fantasies.
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