Ever leaving your assigned halls at uni means you’re probably gonna get hit on. It’s just a fact of life. Being at university means everyone’s getting a little used to this whole freedom thing. And for some guys that means the new freedom to invite a girl back to your place where your parents are not. Here are the different types of guys you’ll date in Southampton
Matt has just got to uni and doesn’t call his mum as much as he should. He will usually strike at freshers week in some sub par club and open with the world shattering line “what course you on?” that he screams into your ear. He is 19 and still hasn’t worked out fully how to do his own laundry yet, so he’s recycling shirts. You can kind of tell.
You run into Dom at a halls party, where you’re not too sure who even issued the original invite in the first place. He lives there and comes out to mingle in his old pajamas where he heads into the kitchen for some late night cereal. He asks you if you want to see his CD collection and you secretly wonder how on earth that is still a pick up line that has survived the relentless passage of time.
Greg does Sports Studies or some variation of that degree. He works part time in HMV and always makes cryptic and slightly holier than thou Insta posts about “grinding hard” and “making that paper” even though he grew up in the suburbs where most things closed at six. He isn’t that good looking but he thinks he’s great and assumes when he doesn’t text you back it’ll be devastating, obviously. (Spoiler: it won’t.)
Michael, is a film student and in his final year of university. He corners you at the partner and starts talking passionately for ages about the brilliance of Tarantino. He scoffs at all your favourite movies and offers to take you on a date to see “mother!” so you can appreciate “real cinema.”
You run into Sam in town. He is out of university and has a real job, with like money and a desk and stuff. He’s in his late twenties and talks enchantingly about how university were the best days of his life and makes really corny jokes that only make you funny because you can’t believe a grown man is making pun humour at you as a way to win your heart. You turn him down and go home and eat your McDonald’s takeaway and wonder how this is someone’s lifetime high as you hear your flat mate throw up in the bathroom.
All this to say . . . maybe you’re better off just studying a little in your room and calling your mum.
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