We’ve all been there, we’ve all felt the dread of having to say the ‘L’ word for the first time. No, the ‘L’ word is not a swear word, but it in fact refers to the word ‘love’. Many couples experience anxiety when confessing their love for one another for the first time and that’s completely normal. Questions buzz through their minds such as: how long do I have to wait to say I love my partner? What if they do not feel the same way as me? Should I wait for my partner to say they love me first? But most importantly, how do I know that I am actually in love? This last question is very important because it is possible to confuse love with infatuation; but don’t worry, below is a list of a few pointers to help you distinguish the HUGE difference between love and infatuation:
Love is a deep affection for someone and includes an emotional and intellectual connection. Love can increase over time to create a stable and secure foundation in which partners accept one another’s flaws and see each other for who they really are. Yet Infatuation is an intense, almost obsessive passion for someone; it can be all consuming and blind a person to reality. For example, when someone is infatuated with a person, they usually idealise that person and place them on a pedestal; that person takes over their brain and becomes the only thing they can think about and the only thing they talk about.
Love is typically something that occurs in a long-term and established relationship. When the ‘L’ word is said between partners, it is usually the first sign of commitment. It is a mutual recognition of your feelings for one another and generally stands the test of time. However, infatuation is a short-lived version of love that does not last long. Think of infatuation in terms of fashion- what trend might be in this week will be old news by next week and this is exactly what happens with infatuation. You might develop deep feelings for someone on Monday, but by Friday in all likelihood, the intensity of your feelings will be much weaker and you find yourself beginning to window shop elsewhere! Ultimately, you feel you can’t live without someone you love, but you can live without someone you are infatuated with.
With love, your identity should still stay intact. Over time, you might change and evolve to become similar to your partner as you grow together. But ultimately, you should be completely comfortable and true to yourself around the person you love. It is possible that someone with an infatuation might ignore obvious signs of incompatibility and mould themselves to become similar to the person they are infatuated with. When they are around the object of their desire, they act differently and are constantly trying to impress them.
There are different types of love. But let’s stick to romantic relationships for now. Romantic love is directed towards the person you might be seeing before getting into a relationship, or someone that you are in a relationship with. All relationships happen at different stages, but love is nevertheless directed towards someone you are romantically involved with and your love is reciprocated by your partner in turn. Infatuation on the other hand, is a short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something and does not have to be reciprocated. For example, you can become infatuated with a band or a celebrity and think you ‘love’ them despite the fact they might not even know you exist! Therefore, infatuation is usually a sign of immaturity but love occurs as you get older and more accustomed to listening to your own feelings and the feelings of those around you.
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