I Got Diagnosed With A Learning Difficulty At Uni And This Is How I Got Through It
I have Dyspraxia, also known as Developmental Coordination Disorder. This is a pretty common disorder that affects fine and/or gross motor coordination – basically, the way you do big and small things, like your balance (gross motor coordination) or how you write things (fine motor coordination). Dyspraxia can be presented in a number of ways. so two people with Dyspraxia might have completely different symptoms. My Dyspraxia means that I tend to have bad short term memory, I trip over a fair amount, I have bad hand-eye co-ordination, I have difficulty saying certain words, I tend to get quite emotional, depressed, stressed or anxious easily, I am hypersensitive to certain sounds and sensations, I don’t know my lefts and rights, I’m bad at dual processing (e.g. listening and writing at the same time) and I have bad handwriting. These are my most present symptoms, so I do have some others but these are the ones that are noticed the most. I only got diagnosed with Dyspraxia a few months ago, which is slightly as normally Dyspraxia is diagnosed in childhood – its nickname is ‘clumsy child syndrome’ for a reason. But, I got diagnosed a uni, and here’s how I got through it.
Getting Diagnosed
The only reason I got diagnosed with dyspraxia was because one of my best friends was also diagnosed with it around a year before I was. One night we were just talking about his diagnosis, and he told me it was probably a good idea for me to see if I was also dyspraxic. When you google ‘dyspraxia’, the top results are about how to spot dyspraxia in children, as it is often diagnosed in childhood. This put me off at first, as I felt that if I did have a learning difficulty I’d already know about it by now. However, my friend had newly been diagnosed and I’d never really heard of dyspraxia before, so I pushed on. My uni has a questionnaire that you can fill in online and send off if you believe you might have a learning difficulty, so I filled it out and awaited the results. I was told to come in for a DAST (Dyselxia in Adults Screening Test – an umbrella test for all kinds of learning difficulties). Once I completed this test, I would be given a number, with 1.0 indicating a high chance that I had a learning difficulty. I scored 1.0.
After this, I had to book an appointment with an educational psychiatrist. Unfortunately, there was a few months to wait in between my DAST result and my appointment, so these next few months were spent in limbo. My riends and family knew that I might be (and probably was) Dyspraxic, but without a formal diagnosis I still couldn’t say if I had a learning difficulty or not. This was a confusing time as whilst it was relieving and exciting to think that there was an explanation for all the problems I had – my co-ordination issues, my problems with organisation – beyond just me being scatterbrained or stupid, I also deep down was scared of being diagnosed, which was down to my own internalised ablelism. To me, the idea of having ‘learning difficulties’ as a label made me feel like people would think I was stupid, or less capable than other people. During this time, I cried quite a lot and sought out reassurance from my friends. What really helped was people reminding me that even if I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia all it would do would explain some things about me, and it wouldn’t actually change me at all. I’d still be the same old me, just with a little descriptor.
The educational psychiatrist was actually really lovely. She reassured me a lot during my assessment, and at the end she did let me know that whilst she would have to formally diagnose me at a later date, it was highly probable that I was Dyspraxic. I felt relieved, which I was a little surprised by. A few weeks later she emailed me my formal diagnosis, with suggestions for ways that my life could become more accessible for me to send to those in charge of helping those with learning difficulties or disabilities at my university.
The Aftermath
Right after my diagnosis, I felt excited that finally there was a reason why I was the way I was. Up until that point, I just felt like I was somehow much more unlucky than other people, and I’d often find myself questioning why it seemed like no one else dealt with the same things I was. Whilst I’m no longer excited about my diagnosis, I am know comfortable with it, and I have no problem telling people that I am Dyspraxic (even though sometimes they don’t know what I mean!). Part of the aftermath of my diagnosis was realising how things would change for me – I’m now allowed to use a laptop for my exams, and will take my exams in a quiet room away from distractions. I will also have to take a different driving test to non-Dyspraxic people owing to the fact I cannot tell my lefts and rights (roundabouts are my idea of hell).
Getting Through It
If you’re like me and were/are upset about being diagnosed with a learning difficulty at an older age, it’s important to remember that it doesn’t change who you are, and it will only help you in life. It also helps to examine why you feel so upset about it and try to engage with your internalised ablelism – for me, I’d been told as a child that I was clever and ‘gifted’, so to me the label of a learning difficulty felt like it meant that I was no longer either of these things. This is obviously nonsense as learning difficulties have absolutely nothing to do with intelligence or whether or not you’re gifted, and it in no way tarnishes your achievements. This is something I had to deal with, and when I did I was able to let go of it.
It really helps to have a god network of people around you, people who understand you and whom you trust. When/if you feel negative emotions regarding your diagnosis, reach out to them for support and reassurance. If it weren’t for my friends, I may have never actually gotten diagnosed – the whole process made me pretty anxious, and at times my friends had to help coax me into doing things to help the process along. Your friends can also bring you up when you’re feeling down, and remind yu that no matter what happens, you’re still the you that they love.
My diagnosis has ultimately made me a far happier person, as now I can properly explain the way I am to people, and I can create a world around me that is far more accessible. If you suspect that you may have a learning difficulty, I urge you to get tested as, at the end of the day, there is no negative outcome.
