A Letter To My Younger Self About Body Confidence
Dear Nicole,
As you turn 21 in a matter of months and enter into adulthood, I think it is important that we revisit your childhood, in particular your late primary school, and secondary school years. There were a few things I wish I said to you at the time. Things that might have helped to better prepare you for the challenges you have faced concerning your body and your internal struggle to be at one with yourself.
Your body is beautiful.
As an eleven-year-old your body is undergoing many changes and you might not feel comfortable in your skin at the moment. I know it is tempting to compare yourself to other girls your age but don’t. Everyone is unique and that is the beauty: we are all individuals and all created to be different. You have always been bigger compared to your peers and you have started to develop love handles and boobs wayyy before they are desirable to you. But do not try to hide these changes in your body, they are a sign that you are becoming a woman.
You are not fat.
Don’t call yourself that and don’t listen to other people that try to tell you otherwise. You simply have an extra layer or two that later in life you will shed, tone and sculpt to emerge as someone you feel happy to look at in the mirror. Plus, this extra layer or two simply means that there is more of you to love and to admire, because let me remind you again: you are beautiful. Your body or the way you look doesn’t define you, even if you don’t feel beautiful on the outside, you are on the inside and this is what shines through in your personality.
Now let us fast forward to early secondary school years.
Girl, puberty has officially arrived and it hasn’t done you too many favours. If anything your hips have got even wider (you will still be able to fit through doors don’t worry!) and your face has been invaded with spots. You feel as if you could play dot-to-dot with these babies. Don’t squeeze them, you will only leave your skin looking even more red and inflamed, and there is every chance they will spread the more you prod them. You feel ugly as you look at your reflection, the spots are the only thing you see and not the face underneath.
You feel jealous and resentful of those girls with clear, blemish free skin and wish that you looked like them. STOP. I have told you already not to compare yourself to anyone else. You are still beautiful and even if you are conscious of your spots, I can guarantee that when people are looking at you, they aren’t looking at your spots. No, instead they are looking at you and seeing you as you really are. Don’t allow your spots to weigh you down, or to dictate how you feel. Wear a smile so that is the first thing that people see instead.
Late secondary school years/Sixth Form: you will have had enough by this point.
You will decide to take drastic measures to alter your low body confidence. You won’t listen to anyone no matter how hard they try to get through to you, and you will ignore the pain on your parents’ faces and the anxiety in their eyes as you stand on the scales each week. Your stubbornness will be your own worst enemy during this period of your life. It will begin with exercise, you will start gradually and then increase the amount you do until you find yourself working out every day just to lose that tiny bit more weight. Then the compliments will start and you will like what you hear.
You will push yourself that bit harder, make yourself sweat that little bit more. But still, you won’t be content. Next you will turn your attention to food. Slowly you will reduce your calorie intake until you are eating a quarter or less of what you ate before. You will be aware that this isn’t healthy and you won’t like lying and deceiving your parents who you love so much. However, you won’t be able to stop yourself. You will become obsessive over weight and this will have an impact on your mood.
Slowly and without realising you will become a shell of your former self and begin to shut yourself off from the rest of the world to try and hide what you are going through. You will not want to admit that you have a problem or that you need help. But when your parents intervene and force you to go to the doctors, even though you protest, deep down you will be grateful and relieved that it will soon be over.
Not a lot of people will know what you will go through, or the feeling of weakness and hunger each night as you deprive yourself of food.
You won’t want to admit to people that you have an eating disorder for fear that they will judge you like you have judged yourself. But don’t worry, you will come out of this a stronger person and you will surprise yourself with your inner courage. You will look back and realise how hard you were on yourself and how silly you were to neglect your health.
You will realise that although you were skinny, you weren’t happy. As you grow up, you will constantly have people commenting how slim you are, totally oblivious to the journey you have had to get to this point. But don’t worry, when you reach the age you’re at now, aged 20 (soon to be 21), you will finally fall in love with your body and who you are as a person. You will be confident in your own skin and have a healthy relationship with food. You will eat not just to keep your body alive like before, but because you genuinely enjoy food and because you want to bring back the curves of your youth.
But you also won’t put too much pressure on yourself to put on weight, you will accept that your body is just as stubborn as your personality and it won’t change overnight.
There will always be little things you want to change about your body and you will still have some negative body thoughts come back to haunt you, but you will soon realise that there are better things in life than constantly worrying about what you look like. You also won’t feel the need to conform to societal pressure to look like the women you see on TV and in magazines. You will realise these images are unrealistic and fake.
Overall, as you become an adult, you will realise how beautiful it is that everybody comes in all different shapes and sizes. You will learn to stop comparing yourself to others and look inwards to yourself instead. You will find inner peace and love the person that you are, and embrace the person you will grow into in the years to come.
Lots of love always,
Nicole
Ps- you are, and always will be beautiful. Always believe that.
What sorts of things do you have to say to your younger self about body confidence? Share some positivity in the comments!
Featured Image Source: Personal photo
