As the wise Douglas Horton once said, “If you love something let it go free. If it doesn’t come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.” Hey, we’re not all as skilled as Elsa in “letting go” of the things we love. So when it comes time to actually letting go, it can be one of the hardest things in life. But don’t worry, we’re here for you! We sincerely hope these 10 tips help you cope with whatever it is you’re letting go of. Stay strong and carry on!
One of the hardest lessons in life for me to learn was accepting change. We are creatures of habit, and most of us do not like it when our comfort zones are flipped upside down. So when something does change, and you are forced to let go, instead of resisting it, try your absolute best to find the good in it. No matter how bad things get, there is always something to be positive about.
In the past, you may have tolerated too much, or too little. You may have expected too much from your lover or gave too much of yourself to them. Use this experience of whatever it is you’re letting go of as an opportunity to make a promise to yourself: Moving forward, you are going to stay balanced in your mindset and health. You are going to stand up for yourself when needed or swallow your pride when you crossed a line. To help you focus on living a balanced life, consider trying guided meditations on balance. Really listen to their words and advice, and try to implement their guidance throughout your life.
Take charge of the situation by first understanding it. Write out your thoughts and figure out the best way to move forward.
For me, when the world is falling apart, there is always one little thing I can do to help me feel like I have some sort of control over the situation: Make a list! One of the best ways to feel like you have control is to make a list for the day. Start off writing down things you know you can accomplish easily, like making your bed or taking your dog for a walk, then add in the more difficult tasks. By creating a list, you are actively choosing to get through the day as productively as possible.
You inevitably will be in denial at first, especially when it comes to letting go of something you love. So, be kind to yourself and let yourself feel all of the feels! Don’t turn off your emotions and say “pain is weakness.” Come one, you’re better than that! Give yourself one day to dwell, worry, spew sarcastic slurs, and bawl your eyes out. Let yourself be in denial, and if you’re in a sour mood for a day, so what? It’s a part of the process you need to go through.
Start to detach yourself from the negative energy of the situation by reminding yourself of all of the other great things in your life. One of the best ways to do this is by keeping a gratitude journal. Every night before bed, write down the 5 best things that happened earlier that day. Remember the taste of that delicious chocolate cake, or the warm droplets of water in the shower. If you focus on the good, then the good will come right back to you.
My grandma always told me, “never set expectations for people, you’ll just be disappointed.” Yeah, it’s a little gloomy, but I think it’s mostly true. Of course, you can set boundaries and make goals, but you shouldn’t try to change the core of people, especially your significant other. If that is what drove you two apart, think about what expectations you set for them, and if maybe (just maybe) they are crazy standards no one will ever meet.
There will come a time when you want answers. So, go get them.
If you’re going through a breakup, ask your ex to meet for coffee and just talk. Pick their brain and get that much-needed closure. Maybe you don’t want to see them, but you are literally spitting out word vomit, so instead, write them a detailed letter that you’ll never send them, and burn it after you write it. If talking isn’t your style, go for a long run up some hills and sweat out your frustration. The bottom line is, release that built-up anger or sadness in a healthy way.
Don’t try and hold it in.
One day you are going to have to make the conscious choice to let go. It’s going to suck. You’re going to hurt. But just know you are not alone! Don’t clam up and shut down, go and find a shoulder to lean on. Call your mom, brother, or best friend. Visit your cousin and stay with her for the weekend. You don’t need to say goodbye all by yourself, just be brave enough to reach out.
It’s time to move forward, so find one thing you are excited about in your future, big or small. Maybe school starts for you in the fall, or your new job begins in one month. Whatever it is, find that thing and hold onto it. Prepare for it, study for it, invest in it, and put all of your energy towards it. And I hate to tell you this, but life is going to move on, with or without you, so you might as well move along with it.
As Amanda Gorman so poetically said, “When this ends, we’ll smile sweetly, finally seeing
in testing times, we became the best of beings.” One day, you are going to wake up and get out of bed and you won’t even remember that old pain. You’ll brush your teeth, go to work, and be whole again. So while you’re hurting now, know that this pain you are feeling won’t last forever, and in the end, you’ll be stronger because of it.
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