Long-distance relationships are hard. There is no sugar-coating that fact. I have been in two, which right away tells you that one wasn’t successful. However, I am currently still in my second relationship, and we are going strong. What I have learned from this experience is everything that works, and everything that doesn’t. I truly believe it can work, but it has to be the right people, or else the distance will only cast its light on the issues you hide under the rug. If you are in a long-distance relationship or are thinking of getting into one, here is my advice to ease your worries and improve your relationships:
Whether you are together or apart, no relationship can survive without a healthy amount of communication. That being said, you are not required to talk every moment of every day. In fact, your partner may find this to be overbearing or “clingy”. It is best to decide when and how much you are both willing to talk. Be realistic about your busy schedules and understand that they may not be able to talk as much on one day as they normally do.
The simple fact is, they are going to be without you, they are going to go hang out with friends, they are going to be meeting new people everyday. Paranoia about where they are and what they’re doing can only create rifts in your relationships. If you do not trust your partner, ask yourself why and discuss it with them. It is okay to be jealous and uncomfortable with certain situations. However, it is not fair to either of you to have a continuous distrust between you. A relationship without trust simply can’t survive. If you don’t trust them, you shouldn’t want it to last, that is not a healthy relationship.
Being that you are in college, you will have your own life you are leading, as will your partner. They are not sitting around waiting for your return, they may even be going to college too. My boyfriend and I are both working part-time in addition to school full-time. It can become easy to make excuses as to why you can’t talk. They key is to make the time for each other, it isn’t going to happen on it’s own, especially under these circumstances. Time is relative anyway, right?
How do you keep a spark when you can’t even touch? Honestly, I can’t tell you what I wouldn’t do for a hug right now. This is when you must do your best to be there for them in the only way you can, through your words. Flirt with them, compliment each other, Facetime while you’re both eating dinner–it’s sort of like a date right? There are even websites where you can both join a chatroom and watch a movie together, in sync, while being able to see and talk to each other during the movie. My boyfriend and I will fall asleep with each other on the phone or Facetime as we both do homework. There isn’t much talking but he feels closer. I even write him letters, it’s a little old school, but I find a certain level of romance in them.
Looking forward to the next time you see them is the best feeling. It’s a level of giddy comparable to a child on Christmas morning. Keep in mind, while you may have been the one to leave for college, you are just as responsible for visiting them as they are for you. If it can’t happen as soon as you would like, remember that you are both busy and you are both trying. There is a level of compromise needed in this situation. If they can’t make it to you one month, then see if you can make it to them. If they are struggling to visit, try to help them pay for some of the expenses. You both want to see each other, work together to make it happen.
I will be the first to admit, I am not the type of person to make waves, I used to sweep a problem under the rug, if I could. My boyfriend broke this habit very quickly. He sensed an issue and asked me to address it as soon as it happened. Here’s the thing, we think that if we ignore it, it won’t happen again, it could be just a “one time thing”. This is often not the case, fights arise from the build-up of multiple issues. The sooner you address an issue that’s bothering you, the sooner you can both work past it. Ignoring it can prolong the issue, making one, or both, of you unhappy. Even if it is something as trivial as a comment they made in an argument, say it then, and move on.
That saying, “It’s my way or the highway”, that is not gonna fly here. In fact, that won’t fly anywhere, but especially not here. Compromise is important to ensure that you are both being satisfied in a relationship. When making important decisions about your relationship, be honest about something that you would like to do differently. For example, if you want to talk once a day, and your partner would prefer to talk a few times a week, find a middle-ground and talk four or five times a week. Thinking smaller, if you want to watch an action movie and they want to watch a comedy, find a movie that satisfies both of these.
Before you enter in the relationship, or before leaving and beginning this type of relationship, be realistic. How often will you both see each other? How long will you be apart? Can you do this long-term? If you are not satisfied with the answers to these, consider ending it before the relationship develops deeper. This is also a time to consider if there is already a strain on your relationship or ideas in which you both don’t agree on? Will these problems only be worsened by distance? With distance, all you can do is use your words. This means that the problems you ignore now will come up with time. This is a time to be honest with yourself before taking this step.
You’re not just in college, you’re in college in Tallahassee. This means there are endless parties and clubs to blow off steam. However, this could be a bad environment for you if you are in a relationship. If your partner is not comfortable, check-in with them before doing something that you think might bother them. In addition to being respectful of their feelings, be respectful of your relationship. If they trust you to be faithful, then honor that when you go out. This does not only apply to going out. It is in both of your best interest’s to voice what makes you uncomfortable. If they care, they will respect that, or come to a compromise so that you will both be happy.
This is a long-distance focused specifically on couples who are in college. That being said, college is a time of personal growth, finding who you are and who you want to be. You are becoming the person you are meant to be and you are going to be constantly changing with each new experience. This is what college is and does. If you were to ask my boyfriend, he would probably tell you that he has dated at least six different people in the time he has been dating me. Don’t worry, they were all me. It just proves that this is how much people grow and change as they are growing into themselves. If your partner cannot respect your space and support you in your growth, you will not work. Period.
Are you wondering what to do when you're broke AF at The University of Texas at Austin? When living in…
When finals are over, everyone looks forward to the break that comes after the monstrosities. Winter break is one of…
Ah, college, what a time to be alive. A time to find out who you are, meet your best friends,…
Of course, the more common article college students read is the top 10 reasons someone should attend Berkeley, not drop…
Loyola has a wide variety of people from all different backgrounds. But some people just fit into certain college stereotypes.…
For most of us, college is like a breath of fresh air compared to high school. You're living on your…
