10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re An English Major
Being an English major comes with its own set of idiosyncrasies. For instance, there is probably a fair share of coffee drinkers and cat lovers among our ranks. There is probably a good chance that a chunk of us aspire to be great writers or work in a bookshop or a library one day. After years spent reading novels and writing papers, there are certain things that as English majors we come to understand. The list can be extensive, but I’ve cut it down to the essentials just like Ernest Hemingway taught me. Here are 10 things you’ll only understand if you’re an English major!
1. You LOVE to read and write.
If you have chosen to become an English major, chances are your decision sprung from a love of reading or writing. In some cases, it springs from both of these things. It’s a logical decision considering that most of the time you’ll be reading novels and writing papers about those novels. A love for reading and writing is pretty much a requirement. However, there have been exceptions to this rule.
2. You are used to writing long papers.
As an English major, you have probably come across one of your friends complaining about having to write a 3 page essay for a class. HA! You resist the urge to laugh in their face and tell them about the 10 page paper you have to write for your American Literature class. Here’s the thing! When you are an English major, writing papers becomes second nature. You could probably knock out a 3 page paper in less than an hour because it’s college, also known as the land of procrastination. This brings me to my next point!
3. You become a pro at BS-ing papers.
Another truth about being an English major is that you are constantly inundated with reading and writing assignments which can be time consuming. This requires some improvising on the student’s part which means we are pulling out all of the tricks in the book. This includes turning “can’t” into “cannot” and giving an extensive explanation on a point that could have been summarized in one concise sentence. If you’re reading this, don’t tell your English professors! Although, I have a feeling they already know.
4. Your books look like they took an ink bath!
As both a book lover and an English major, I often struggled with having to annotate my books. However, all the great writers did it, including Mark Twain. There is something very intimate about writing your thoughts and reactions in the margins of a novel. It’s an English major’s tell. Next time you see someone reading a book at a coffee shop or a library, try to sneak a peek at their margins. Chances are if they scribbled, they might be a fellow English major. There is something comforting about finding books with past notes from other students as well, so it’s really an adventure!
5. Sparknotes is your frenemy.
Most English majors like the challenge of reading a 400 page novel without the assistance from outside sources. We pride ourselves in being able to decipher passages and explain metaphors without having to consult another person’s interpretations. However, this is college. College means you are probably being assigned readings and papers simultaneously which leaves you with very little time to actually do the assigned reading. Enter Sparknotes, who you grudgingly introduce into your study plans so you don’t fail your finals. Welcome to the life of an English major!
6. Everyone assumes you want to teach!
I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the times I’ve been asked if I want to be a teacher. Here’s a newsflash, being an English major actually opens the doors to a diverse range of careers including becoming a lawyer, a doctor, an editor, a marketing executive, etc. This major actually gives you a strong foundation to build a new career. It teaches you not only how to read and write, but also how to think critically which is important in this day and age. So no, Susie, being an English major does not automatically mean I want to teach, but I have the skills to do so!
7. Writer’s block is the worst thing on the planet!
Picture this. You have a paper due in one hour. You’re thinking, “No Problem, I could write that in no time.” As you open up the Word document and prepare to type your heart out, you freeze. The words just won’t come to mind and you now only have 45 minutes to churn this baby out! Writer’s block is the most stressful thing for an English major whose whole academic career rests on a perpetual mountain of paper on top of research paper on top of literary analysis papers! When someone finds a cure for this, please send it my way.
8. You hope that everything you ever write contains no grammatical mistakes whatsoever!
For instance, as I am writing this article, I am hoping and praying that my writing is pristine and free of error. As an English major, you carry this responsibility of being a good writer. People come to you in order for you to proofread their papers or define words for them. It is a big responsibility, but it’s a responsibility you’ve been training for your whole university career!
9. You are keenly aware of people’s grammar use.
Look, it’s an occupational hazard! We’re sorry! However, we have been drilled for years over our own grammar use so when I edit you as we are having a conversation, it is more an impulse than me trying to be blatantly rude and snobby. I promise I’ll try to be better!
10. You dread the question, “What are you going to do when you graduate?”
Like most Humanities degrees, people tend to look down on English majors when it comes to applying our skills in the real world. Everyone is always like, “That degree doesn’t make money” or “You should have studied something practical.” Being an English major has armed me with skills that will help me find a job that I’m content with and one with which I can make a living. So stop stressing me out and give me time!
