Periods are Mother Nature’s way of telling us we are not pregnant – and they are also her personal form of torture. Here are ten things everyone who gets periods will relate to.
Everyone who gets periods knows this feeling. You’ve been sitting down for a while, maybe at your desk, or in a classroom, or on the train, and you just know what will happen when you stand up. You will feel that horrible waterfall sensation and wonder whether the blood has just went straight through your jeans – even though it never does. You also can’t help but picture your pad or tampon slowly filling as you are sitting, and wonder if it will eventually overflow on its own. Thankfully, if you know your body, you can generally sense when it is time to go change your sanitary product – even if getting up to do it is really awkward!
Chocolate is the strangest substance. You can go three whole weeks having no desire to eat it, or occasionally eating a square or two when you are bored – then suddenly, your period hits and all you want is to shove your face into a chocolate river like Augustus Gloop. There’s probably a specific brand of chocolate you crave too, and God help anyone who dares present you with the wrong one. It’s not a healthy habit by any means, but it sure is satisfying.
Why do we all start howling every time our period arrives? Well, other than the gut-wrenching cramps of course. Whether it is because your boyfriend ate the leftover pizza you left in the fridge, or because you ruined your manicure, or even for no reason at all – we have all had that day when we just start bubbling. It’s incredibly embarrassing, but at least it lets you release all the stress and turmoil that has been building up inside you. Just don’t watch P.S. I Love You or you may never stop crying again!
When you have heavy periods, you become very aware of what you are wearing. Nothing white for a start. No fancy lingerie. None of your favourite pyjamas. For a week every month, you will be wearing black from head to toe. This works really well if you are a goth or generally dress in monochrome – but for anyone who normally wears bright, colourful clothes, this will be a real change of pace. On the plus side, it will probably represent your mood quite well.
Some people are lucky and don’t get menstrual cramps. For others, it is like having your uterus crushed for 12 weeks of the year. Sometimes, you have no other option than to lie down in the foetal position (ironically) and wait for it to pass whilst meticulously timing when to chow down on your next batch of ibuprofen. Don’t feel that you are alone, though. There are almost 8 billion people in this world, and around half of them have a uterus. Undoubtedly, a fair number of them will be suffering period pain at the exact same time as you. We are all in this together.
There is nothing worse than getting to a bathroom and realising you do not have any sanitary products with you. Then begins the hunt. You start by going out into the general area and looking for a tampon machine – but it only takes £1 coins, and you don’t have any. Then you start accosting random women who happen to be in the bathroom and asking them for anything you can use – but they inevitably either have the world’s smallest tampon or a massive night pad, and it is always the other one that you need. Eventually you resort to stuffing toilet paper in your underwear and running to the nearest shop.
Why do they think you are taking it? Is it actually Hermione’s magic bag from Harry Potter and you’ve got your entire house in there? Obviously, you just don’t want to pull a pad out of your bag and awkwardly carry it to the bathroom. Everyone knows this, and yet they still feel the need to highlight the fact you are taking the bag with you. Even worse is when they ask if you are leaving. There is no other situation where going to the bathroom is so complicated.
Everyone has some underwear they really like. Maybe it’s got a cute pattern or it’s just really soft and comfortable. You really want to keep this pair of underwear good. Then, despite your best efforts, your period arrives unexpectedly and ruins the pants completely. You could try to clean them, but really you are better just accepting defeat and throwing them on the period pants pile. See you again next month, poor blood-stained pants.
If you have irregular periods, or even regular periods that can start quite abruptly, you will become accustomed to wearing pads even when you are not bleeding. Whilst this cautious nature will definitely save you some ruined clothes, it will also cause the skin in your downstairs area to become dry and sore. You are then faced with the difficult decision of taking the pad off and risking bleeding all over your clothes, or keeping it on and feeling your skin burn.
The nights are the worst when you are on your period. There is nothing you can do to stop the blood flowing, and you cannot get up to change your pads and tampons – unless the cramps wake you up. As a result, you end up lying on your back trying to convince your brain to stay in that position all night – only to wake up lying on your face with blood soaked sheets.
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