Let’s be totally honest…breakups suck. I’m not here to sugar coat it, breakups are hard. There’s no shortcut or easy way around them. The truth is once it happens it happens and however you feel, is pretty much out of your control. I mean as much as we wish we control our emotions, we can’t. But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you won’t survive, even it you feel like you won’t I promise you, you will.
The first step in getting through a breakup is understanding you have emotions and being okay with it. First things first don’t beat yourself up for crying over them, give yourself credit for that! I know what your thinking…huh? But showing emotions and being upset only goes to show that you truly did care about your partner and gave it your all. Caring about another human is nothing to be ashamed of but something to be proud of. So let yourself feel.
A lot of people seem to try to skip this step in getting through a breakup and go straight to the ‘I don’t care’ mentality. Because we have somehow convinced ourselves that being vulnerable is being weak and it most definitely is not. If you lost something that once brought you happiness, you’d be crazy to not be sad after loosing it! And there’s no time frame on grief.
Grief is a weird thing, it seems to have a mind of it’s own sometimes. One day you’re fine, the next your on your floor crying. Don’t try to rush the process or hold it in, trust me, it will come out. So let it. And a good cry can make all the difference.
This may be the hardest step in getting through a breakup, but it’s the most helpful. Personally cutting someone off, even briefly is really hard to do. But when it comes to a breakup you need to do it. Whether that be blocking them, deleting their number, un adding them, ghosting their socials, etc. This will help you so much mentally and emotionally and save you a lot of damage.
Listen, I’ve been through a break up and I know their are times when you want to fold and reach out to them. But theirs a reason all of your friends are telling you not to. Blocking them or having their number deleted will save you the embarrassment from waking up the next day regretting what you did.
Another plus to cutting contact is not seeing their face or name on your phone. As much as we don’t want to admit it we miss them and want to see them. But it hurts. And being constantly reminded of them on socials isn’t going to make the healing process any faster. It will most likely slow it down.
Now that you’ve let yourself feel, lets not dwell in the sadness. How do you do that? With a whole lot of distractions. Keeping yourself busy is one of the best ways to getting through a breakup. You will find yourself with a whole lot of extra time, and while at first it might make you sad, let’s flip our perspective. This can definitely be seen as a positive thing, think about it, you have more time to hangout with your friends, find new hobbies, and really do anything that makes you happy.
Something I recommend to keep yourself busy is self care. Self care looks different for everybody. For me it’s writing, if you’re feeling sad or angry try writing it out. A lot of people make breakup playlists to drive around to and scream in the car with your friends.
A pretty popular form of self care after a breakup is working out. This is another healthy way to get all of those built up feelings out, while also benefitting yourself. Or if you want a more chill form of self care run to the store grab a face mask and your favorite wine and run yourself a bubble bath! No matter what form of self care you choose, it will help bring you a sense of release.
Undeniably, one of the hardest parts of getting through a breakup is moving on from the relationship. No matter how long your relationship was I’m sure you had hope for some type of future, whether that future was the next day or a lifetime together. But it’s over and you need to accept that. What is hanging on to the past or what could have been going to do for you other than hurt you?
Don’t wait for some type of closure to let yourself move on. You do not need to meet up and talk with them one last time, trust me we all know what you’re trying to do. Find closure on your own, contrary to popular belief, you don’t need your exes permission or validation to move on. And there’s no specific timeline in doing so, it could take you a couple months or a couple weeks, either way get yourself back out there!
As scary as it may seem, you can’t avoid this forever. Don’t stop yourself because you’re afraid of getting hurt again or going through this process again. Now, I know you can’t just jump right back in, but maybe try working on breaking down whatever walls you’ve built up.
Starting slowly is still a start but don’t wait forever to begin, you’d only be stopping yourself from finding true happiness. Remind yourself of how amazing you are and what your ex missed out on! And one day you’ll find yourself looking back on this breakup that seemed like the end of the world, when in reality it was just a temporary heartbreak that made you stronger!
For those of you still reading… goodluck. I’m not stupid, I know some of you may be in mindset of ‘I want to be friends’ This may be possible, just know it might be harder. But don’t ignore everything you’re going through, just because you want to keep the friendship doesn’t mean your feelings go away instantly.
If you believe you can be friends with your ex, I still recommend blocking and deleting them, remember it doesn’t have to be permanent. But you still need time to recover and let yourself feel or the friendship is more than likely bound to feel. However, if your ex is the one who wants to be friends, and you’re not ready yet, remember you’re allowed to set boundaries and tell them you need some time away first.
Why I say good luck is because a lot of people try to be friends with their ex, but end up catching feelings again. Then you’ll find yourself right where you started with your feelings even more hurt than before. However, with the right steps and a healthy amount of recovery time you can very well be friends with an ex… just tread carefully.
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