The Ultimate Guide For What Not To Say In Bed

No matter what stage you are in a relationship (if it is the first time or your significant other of five years) there is nothing worse than someone killing the mood. Whether you’re aware of it or not, there are things that you can say that will change the dynamic and make a hook up take a turn for the worse. Read this list for what not to say in bed.

1. “Are you close?”

Saying things like “did you finish yet?” or “are you close?” not only puts pressure on the situation, but these phrases often times take a person out of the moment and make them get in their own heads. There are two reasons to say this: one, it might turn you on to hear the answer. If that is the case then there are better ways to word it. The second reason you might use this is because you want it to be over, in which case it can backfire on you and make them take longer. If it is the latter, you probably shouldn’t be hooking up in the first place.

2. “Is this okay?”

While it is important to make sure that your partner is comfortable in a given situation this is… Too. Much. Talking. Obviously everything is circumstantial, but if you and your partner are both consenting then he or she will speak up if it isn’t doing it for them. Pay attention to body language. You should be able to tell if someone is genuinely enjoying it or if they are uncomfortable.

3. “You can if you want.”

Do you want to seem like you care even an ounce? Are you just a submissive object? If you say “you can if you want” you are removing your own accountability from the situation. It simply makes the other person insecure and confused. It is important to be direct and express how you actually feel. If someone asks if you want them to do something and you say yes or no it will be more pleasurable on both accounts.

4. “Are you turned on?”/”Is this turning you on?”

Again, an unnecessary thing to ask/say. If you have to ask then you are insecure and you need to get over it. You can generally tell and if you can’t… you should probably figure that out.

5. “My ex…”/Saying your ex’s name.

I think this goes without saying, but nobody wants to hear about your ex, probably ever, but certainly not in the “throws of passion,” if you will.  Saying things like “I used to do this with my ex” is obviously helpful to no one but is highly effective if you want the person to gtfo. If you need to be told what not to say in bed, you should probably stop and think about this before you jump in bed again.

6. “Is it in yet?”

I just can’t with this one because it is so incredibly demeaning and if you honestly and truly do not know the answer then call it a day, order seamless, and think about your actions. Oh and start swiping because you won’t be hooking up with that person again.

7. “Daddy”

Just anything with that word. I don’t know where to begin to explain how disgustingly twisted this is, I really don’t. Everyone should know what not to say in bed… but some shouldn’t have be to be said.

See Also

My Experience Dating a (Significantly) Older Man

8. “Sorry.”

Aside from this being really awkward and making you seem weak/insecure, you should never apologize preemptively for nominal missteps. Positioning can sometimes be awkward but once you apologize you are removing any sort of passion and excitement and causing anxiety. If you start saying sorry, I’m going to start saying sorry and there is nothing sexy about apologizing consistently for nothing.

9. Any type of conversation, really.

Now is not the time to ask the burning questions that have been on your mind just because someone’s guard is down. In bed is not the time to make small talk if you feel awkward. It is not the time to blurt out I love you to your tinder hook up. Get your shit together, Carol.

10. “Hold on. I need to take this call/answer this text.”

If you are noticing your phone is blowing up and you feel the need/desire to answer it then you’re showing your hand. You obviously don’t care.

What do you think of this guide for what not to say in bed? Let us know in the comments below!

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