Why you might ask, would you need The Office quotes? You don’t need to work at a cubical to know how depressing, awkward, and weird life can be – and that every now and again there’s a comedic gold nugget to be found. The Office is the personification of all these things in life; from the daily bombardment of horribly cringe-worthy moments to the times of laughter that makes it all worth it. The Dunder Mifflin family embodies these moments (with some, shall we say, slight exaggeration), and from their mouths have been uttered some of the greatest, sometimes relatable and sometimes lol toats rando, statements in television. So without further adieu, I give you The Office quotes!
As far as The Office quotes are concerned, Stanley is my personal favorite. Truly a man of culture, he’s a man who’s just generally over it, an attitude I’m sure many can relate to (myself included).
“It’s true. Around this office in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.”
“I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.”
“Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.”
“I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave.”
“I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for … that is the life.”
“Newsflash: You are not special.”
Michael oh Michael… the most awkward, cringe-inspiring man-child ever conceived as a television character (and maybe a little more relatable than anyone would care to admit). Between that and his hilarious daily antics he is also the best source for The Office quotes.
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.”
“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”
“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”
I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”
While perhaps not the center of attention (perhaps keeping himself so, with good reason obviously), it seems that his importance dramatically increased later in the series when he was outed for being gay to the rest of his coworkers. Shenanigans surrounding this cringy event aside (damn it, Michael…), Oscar is arguably the most intelligent of his coworkers and, despite his relatively quiet demeanor, he can be pretty savage when he wants to be, thus his importance to my list of The Office quotes.
“Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan’s big project was the website. Which wasn’t doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.”
“I consider myself a good person, but I’m going to make him cry.”
“Michael is leaving. And apparently, they’ve already hired a new manager. And we’re meeting him today. It’s a lot to process. Paperwork-wise.”
“I am super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper company in Scranton. Much like Sir Ian McKellen.”
I put Pam on my list of The Office quotes not for her love affair with Jim, though it’s safe to say that’s one of the biggest reasons for her popularity, but rather her relatability as a character. Plus, let’s be honest, she has quite a few teehee moments.
“You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.”
“I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.”
“I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.”
“Once every hour, someone is involved in an internet scam. That man is Michael Scott. He’s supporting about twenty Nigerian princesses.”
“When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, you don’t blame the child; he didn’t know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, ‘drive kid; I trust you.”
Kevin and his friggin’ chili… still a great character for The Office quotes though.
“Whenever I try to make a taco, I get excited and I crush it.”
“I just wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket.”
“You can’t eat cats, Kevin.”
“I go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.”
“Mini-cupcakes? As in a mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?”
Last but certainly not least on our list of The Office quotes, we’ve got the legendary Dwight Schrute. Even if you’ve never even watched the show, you’ve seen him in memes all over social media. He’s the defining weirdo who’s badass enough to genuinely not give a care about what anyone else might think of him, making his quotes the perfect way to conclude our list of The Office quotes!
“Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.”
“Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.”
“Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague.”
“If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.”
“Today, smoking is going to save lives.”
“Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol levels at will.”
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