So you think you’re in love. You found someone who is kind. Someone who is sweet. Someone who is caring.
The two of you just click. You have so much in common. You like the same music, the same movies, the same foods. You both want the same things out of life.
Something is nagging in the back of your mind, though. Something just isn’t sitting right. Here’s how to tell the difference between loving someone and being in love.
Let’s face it. Love, at first sight, doesn’t really exist. Truly loving someone takes time. You can be infatuated at first sight, but you cannot love someone at first sight. You don’t know who they are, where they’ve been. You don’t know what kind of person they are or what they have been through. You can’t love what you don’t know. This would be an example of being in love, not loving someone.
It doesn’t matter what happens to you. When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. Whether this is a relationship between lovers, parent/child, siblings, or any other type of relationship, loving someone means that their happiness is more important to you than your own. We’ve all had those moments. Perhaps a relationship was one-sided and you only wanted them to be happy so you let them go. Maybe it’s a parent to a child. Their decisions aren’t the ones you would make, but it’s making them happy, so you let it be. Loving someone means putting them before yourself.
When you love someone, you love them all. You do so without expecting to get anything in return. You love them fully. Making them happy makes you happy. Sometimes, making them happy means not being happy yourself. You may realize that you aren’t the best fit. In that case, you understand that you need to let them go. It may break your own heart, but letting them move on with someone else, who may make them happier, but you do it because you love them. To you, even though it hurts, it’s worth it.
You want forever not because you want this person around you forever, but because you want to build a life with this person. You want to build a relationship, then a home, a family, and finally forever. Their physical presence is great, but it’s their very being that makes you want to have them around forever. They make you a better person and they make you want to push towards a better future, not just for you, but for the both of you…and for the family that you might create someday.
They support you through thick and thin. They’re your rock and your best friend. You need them, and they need you and that’s what makes the two of you work so well together.
No matter their flaws you love them anyway. You accept the annoying way they chew their food or the minor road rage they get while driving. You deal with it when they leave the cap off the toothpaste or squeeze the tube from the center instead of the end. You accept the mistakes that they’ve made in their lives and love them for the person that they are. You let them make mistakes (within boundaries, of course) within your relationship because you understand that everyone is still learning in their lives. Everybody makes mistakes and you understand this. Even though they’re not perfect, you love them anyway. Maybe it’s their imperfections that you first fell in love with.
Falling hopelessly in love isn’t a choice. It’s something that happens to you. It’s an involuntary reaction to a person that matches you. Someone that completes your life. Sometimes it’s something that happens against your will. You fall in love with someone that isn’t available for one reason or another. Maybe they are your best friend’s wife (props to those who read that in Brian Griffan’s voice from Family Guy!) or your sister’s boyfriend. Maybe they aren’t ready to date yet. You can’t choose who you love. Loving someone is choosing to love a person’s being. Most times it’s because of a person’s physical attributes. While you can’t help what physical attributes you are attracted to, you can choose to love that person.
People change. It’s an indisputable fact. You can be hopelessly in love with someone and over time find that they’ve changed and you no longer love them. Maybe you grew up and they didn’t. Maybe they started making poor choices, such as drugs or alcohol and you’re not into that.
This is something that’s often realized in unhealthy relationships. This person gives you a whole new persona to attract you. Maybe it takes weeks, or maybe it takes years, but their true persona eventually comes out and you realize that you no longer love this person. They aren’t the person that you fell in love with and you no longer want to be with them.
When you’re in love, you’re capable of weathering whatever life throws at you. You want to stand by that person and make their life easier. You want to help them with whatever comes up and you want them to stand by you and help you. You want their love and support through everything. Having them by your side just makes your life so much easier, so much more enjoyable and so much more worth it. They mean everything to you and that goes both ways. You hold each other together.
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