What is the best food to eat when you’re high? Your stomach is growling, the cotton-mouth is raging, so what do you reach for? Look no further because we’ve broken down the best of the best munchies for you!
Ice cream is the munchies of all munchies, it is the savior of the dreaded dry mouth, the staple of every stoner house across America. Ben & Jerry’s is my brand of choice while “under the influence”, the flavor— Half Baked. The creaminess of the ice cream comes to your rescue, each spoonful like wave after wave of relief to what seems like a pop up desert landscape on your tongue. As you lay sporting your new pair of red, and most likely half shut eyes, the indica sinking you further and further into the couch, allow Half Baked to absolutely change your little stoner life. The ice cream lay as a perfectly blended blanket of vanilla and chocolate, with its cookie dough bites mixed throughout, you discover the unique joy of that crystally crunch of the dough between your molars, accompanied by the indulgent gobs of brownie deliciously caking your teeth. There is nothing more needed at that very moment, other than the reassurance that a spontaneous case of diabetes is unlikely. Now, you don’t HAVE to go with Half Baked if you don’t want to, any flavor will do, and actually, besides ice cream something else I highly recommend is running out and visiting your closest frozen yogurt joint. This can however prove to be pretty dangerous due to the various toppings and syrups readily available for your stoner pleasure. During my trip to my favorite spot, Igloo, the toppings completely hypnotized me. I held up the line probably way longer than needed, scooping anything that interested me until my bowl of what was supposed to be frozen yogurt turned into a bowl of mashed candies and syrup. Whichever form of frozen dairy you choose for the night, ice cream will always prove to be one of the best food to eat when you’re high, trust me, you will thank me.
Even while sober, Reese’s cups are seemingly the most addicting candy in the universe, throw some weed in the mix, and it makes one of the best food to eat when you’re high. If you have enough of these little guys in a row, you’re begging for a pack of Tum’s—and that’s okay (if you need Tums get the tropical fruit kind). It really doesn’t help that Hershey decided to make these classic cups into minis either. A regular king sized Reese’s is great and there is much control as to when to stop eating those, as the pack only comes with four, but a SHARE SIZE of MINIS for most likely one person…a recipe for disaster. Nevertheless, once at an appropriate level of highness, sit back on the couch with these and pop a couple in your mouth, you won’t believe how well Hershey has perfected the chocolate to peanut butter ratio; A flawless balance between the two, fire up Netflix or Hulu while you mindlessly, and satisfyingly, mash these little minis against the roof of your mouth.
Okay, if you have read that heading and are a little confused, allow me to clear things up. I have only recently discovered the wonders of Chinese Buffets, and believe me, it is the best food to eat when you’re high, especially if you find yourself in outer space at a solid 9. So, if you do not know, a Chinese Buffet is a buffet with…Chinese food and of course typical American picks like French fries, pizza, chicken tenders, the list goes on. Whichever method you choose to use to get yourself good and high, go for it, and then take yourself and maybe another red-eyed friend with you to your nearest Chinese Buffet, and watch as chaos begins to ensue. Not only will it prove to be the best food to eat when you’re high, but the act of people-watching as you sit among hundreds of others is always sure to bring on some stupid hysterical giggling. Another great thing about Chinese Buffets are the lack of interactions you need to have with other people. There is nothing worse than being REALLY high and having to talk to someone who is REALLY sober. Can you say panic attack? However, as you enter the buffet you are immediately—and silently—walked to a table, given a water, and left to roam the stoner joy of an entire room filled with food. Whenever I go, I’m always sure to pile my plate high with vegetable fried rice and dress it up with abnormal amounts of soy sauce, but whatever floats your boat!
Cereal, the nostalgic replacement to many childhood meals and sugary start to most. The 4:00AM hug before the much dreaded bus to class and then work. It was always counted on to be in stock somewhere in your kitchen cabinets when nothing else was. I have a very soft spot for cereal, but it just so happens that it actually does make for a really great food to eat when you’re high! Personally, I always opt for a chocolate cereal, whether that be Cocoa Puffs, Cocoa Pebbles, Smorz, Cookie Crisp, or Reese’s Puffs—but you can go with whichever is your favorite. I recommend picking a cereal that has really small pieces, like Fruity Pebbles, for example, because it’ll make it easier to mindlessly spoon into your mouth without thinking too much about the need to chew thoroughly. I always make sure to fill up my bowl with a decent amount of milk as well because I find that it is another effective way to battle the persistent cotton-mouth that comes with a good high.
Oreo—America’s Favorite Cookie, or America’s Most Addicting Cookie? Without question, a great food to eat when you’re high. When has there ever been a time when you’ve thought “Yeah, one Oreo will suffice,” NEVER—everybody knows that whatever these companies are dumping in our beloved Oreos are as addictive as cocaine. Seriously, I read an article a while back of a study that claims that rats are just as addicted to cocaine as they are to Oreos, and I don’t really question that study as much as I probably should. Even while sober, Oreos are incredible, whether you choose to pop the whole cookie in your mouth, or rip the cookie apart and just eat the creamy center, it is always an event. Once you’ve smoked and begin to feel that impending urge to snack coming on, reach for a pack of Oreos, pull back that shiny blue plastic sleeve, and go to town. The first bite of an Oreo is always …perfect—creamy, crispy, chocolaty—it immediately incites an urge to reach for a second, and then a third, a fourth, until you and your mouth are decorated with little flecks of tiny cookie crumbles. Before you know it, you awaken from your zombified state of mindless Oreo-dunking, startled, and with two sleeves in the pack completely drained and what is now black milk. Overly indulgent? Yes. Delicious? Always. So there is no question here then, when shopping for decent munchies, say yes to cocaine.
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