The Best Celebrity Roast Lines Of The 2000s

Any celebrity roast on Comedy Central Roast is bound to get tons of views and attention, (depending on who the celebrity roastee is) and some of the roast lines are sure to be the main talking points on social media. 

On Comedy Central Roast, about eight to ten people are invited celebrities  who roast each other before finally roasting the title subject of each show. Some celebrities who have been featured as the main roastee have stated that certain topics are off-limits for potential roast lines. Despite these limitations past editions of celebrity roasts have produced some of the most funny Celebrity Roast Lines ever that have left many people in stitches. Comedy Central Roast has also provided some the most controversial Celebrity Roast Lines. 

Now, with all of that being said, let’s take a trip down memory lane regarding The Best Celebrity Roast Lines Of The 2000s: 

1. “Bruce got his career-breaking moment in Pulp Fiction, and it seemed really odd at the time, this big action star doing a little indie film,” she continued. “But Bruce went over to Harvey Weinstein’s hotel, and I don’t know. He came back swinging that ball gag and then he said, ‘I got the part!’” -Demi Moore, Roast of Bruce Willis:

Although she wasn’t one of the slated celebrities picked to roast Actor Bruce Willis on the July 29th, 2018 episode, Actress Demi Moore made a surprise appearance on the episode to roast her ex-husband. Moore and Willis were married from 1987-2000 and despite their divorce, the former couple are one of Hollywood’s most friendly pairs of celebrity exes. 

During her roast, Moore provided one of the most memorable (and eyebrow-raising) Roast Lines in Comedy Central Roast History when she joked that the only reason why her first ex-husband got his breakthrough role in Pulp Fiction was via a “favor” to Harvey Weinstein.

Willis still laughed and clapped at the joke, despite the controversial nature surrounding it. 

2. “I’m not here to roast Bob Saget; I’m here to f*** John Stamos … Now get up here Stamos, let’s see what you got”  -Cloris Leachman, Roast of Bob Saget:

During the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget in 2008, the Oscar-Winning Actress got her set off to a firing start with this opening joke (see the video below) on Saget’s Full House Co-Star John Stamos, who served as the roast master of the episode. Leachman is 93 years old (82 when the special aired) and she’s still working actively in show business.

Her opening joke is one of the funniest and memorable Celebrity Roast Lines in the series’ entire history. Although John Stamos is 56 years old, there are still many women across the country who have the hots for Uncle Jesse! 

3. “Dad, I’m Ireland. It’s good to be here. I almost didn’t even know about it because I haven’t checked my voicemails from my dad from the last, like, 12 years.”           -Ireland Baldwin, Roast of Alec Baldwin:

Kids say the darndest things these days and aren’t afraid to hold back, especially when they get an opportunity to roast their parents. Ireland Baldwin didn’t hold back when she made a surprise appearance on the Comedy Central Roast of Alec Baldwin. 

The model, who is the eldest of Baldwin’s 5 children (and his only child with first wife Kim Basinger), made a joke referencing the infamous voicemail that her father left her in 2007. Although the Comedy Central Roast of Alec Baldwin is the series’ most recent episode (it aired on September 15th, 2019), Ireland Baldwin’s joke will definitely rank highly amongst the best Celebrity Roast Lines of all time. 

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4. “Let’s get to the reason I’m here tonight … which is to give Justin Bieber some tips to use when he inevitably ends up in prison. The first thing you’ll need is a shank. I made mine out of a pintail comb and a pack of gum.” -Martha Stewart, Roast of Justin Bieber:

Martha Stewart was the breakout star at Justin Bieber’s Roast. Besides her roast lines aimed at her fellow roasters (which included the likes of Shaq, Snoop Dogg, and Kevin Hart, to name a few), Stewart also referenced her 2004-05 five-month prison stint back as she gave Bieber some prison advice after his legal troubles in 2014, which included when he spent a day in jail after being arrested for a DUI. Her appearance also allowed her to reconnect with Snoop Dogg, and the duo have been named by various media outlets as one of Hollywood’s coolest celebrity friendships. 

5. “Look at me doing all the talking while you sit there doing nothing. I feel like I’m cohosting the Oscars with you.” -Seth Rogen, Roast of James Franco:

The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco (on the left), which aired on September 2nd, 2013, produced some of the best, most hilarious, and most memorable Celebrity Roast Lines ever. One of the standout Roast Lines included this joke that Seth Rogen (on the right) said to his close friend in reference to when Franco co-hosted The 83rd Academy Awards in 2011 with Anne Hathaway. The 2011 Oscars Ceremony is considered as one of the worst telecasts in Oscars History and Franco was criticized by both viewers and the media for his lack of energy on stage.

6. “Peyton Manning is here. Obviously I don’t know much about American football, but I’m told Peyton Manning is one of the top 3 quarterbacks… in his family” -Jimmy Carr, Roast of Rob Lowe:

During his set, British Comedian Jimmy Carr delivered some of the most epic Celebrity Roast Lines ever told to his fellow roasters during the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe in 2016. One of Carr’s best jokes included this one aimed at fellow Roaster Peyton Manning (see the first 15 seconds in the video below). 

Which of the Celebrity Roast Lines mentioned above did you find to be the most hilarious? Are there any other memorable Celebrity Roast Lines not included in this article that you find extremely funny? Leave your answers for both questions down below in the comments section!

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