There are texts that scare guys away from their hookups. An independent woman don’t need no man, but if an independent woman want a man, there are several texts she should probably stay away from when hooking up with him. I firmly believe no woman has to do anything a man tells her. But when it comes to hook-ups, it takes two to tango. When guys receive these texts, we start to believe that she lacks the feel of a hook-up relationship. The norms of conduct between hook-ups differ from those between boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Men and women can shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to texting their hookup. I’m a 23-year-old heterosexual guy, and this is my research-backed take on what texts make guys pull apart from, rather than become more entangled with their hookup.
*P.S. I made a scale of how egregious each text is, in a guy’s eye. The scale ranges from 1-5. A 5 rating would mean he may not even take the time to text how he’s not going to text her back.
Scale: 3
Asking why he hasn’t responded to your last text is one of the texts that scare. It’s crossing the boundaries of a hookup relationship. As hookups, you two have no obligation to even be texting each other on the reg.
Instead: It’s easier said than done, but just let it be.
Scale: 3
This is different from talking about your ex, because a former hu has less emotions associated with it than an ex (for the most part). As a general rule, guys do not like hearing about the last guy you were doing it with, while he’s doing it with you.
Instead: Just bring up a different topic, like: “Anyone whose favorite ice cream is vanilla is hiding something.”
Scale: 3
It’s too much, too soon, and too scary. When you say this, you’re telling him that you talk about him with your mom… And you two aren’t even dating. As a guy that is a little bit flattering, but a lot a bit scary. Maybe he is so much more special than any other guy you’ve met, and you have to talk about him with your mom. But don’t tell him that. And maybe you and your Mom will be literally in the same office building he will be working in on Friday, but you don’t have to mention that you want her to meet you. No need to hide the very existence of your Mom, just tell him you and your Mom will be hanging out. End of story.
Instead: “Going shopping with my mom today, hbu?”
Scale: 3
He may miss you too. But we all know a miss you text is a little scary, when you two are just hooking up. A mature guy today wants to date a girl that will be ok when they are physically apart. And texting I miss you is an early sign of her insecurity being away from her man.
Instead: If you two are hooking up, send a kinky text that says you do miss him, but you don’t need him. “ugh, miss that dick.” He’ll go bananas ;).
Scale: 4
Of all the texts that scare, this is one that marks high on the list, for guys and girls.
Instead: Try to avoid any text in the morning.
Scale: 4
We all understand why you texted about your ex, but it is not a good sign when you start to hookup. When this happens to me, I think of how many other times her ex is on her mind and she doesn’t comment about it.
Instead: Just text about that topic that reminded you of your ex.
**For the record, I believe in sharing details of your past relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Scale: 4
A girl’s confidence is what keeps me texting and kissing her back. As hook-ups or texting pals, show your confidence by not relying on them to tell you how good you look tonight. All of us feel insecure and enjoy being reminded by someone else that we do look good: but that is not your hookup’s job.
Instead: Send a selfie or mirror pic of you in your outfit. You’re telling him This is what I’m wearing, not Should I wear this?. We love that.
Scale: 4
If there is anything WE ALL KNOW, it’s that a guy takes his bro-time seriously. Yes, we are doing important things like playing video games, deleting cheap beer, and telling fart jokes, but we LOVE that. A healthy balance of spending time in your circle of friends goes for girls too. If each hookup is looking for a potential relationship, they want to know they can expect not to be around each other 24/7. If my hookup is constantly pulling me away from my friends on every weekend night, resentment can unfortunately start to form.
Instead: Don’t wait too long for him. Let him know when you’re going to bed. Your time is important too, and you can’t wait up all night for him.
Scale: 4
Your hu wants to know that he is not the center of your social life. If you have nothing to do but hang out with him on the weekends, it will be a turn off for him. A healthy hookup relationship is one in which each party has a friend group that they can leave and come back to.
Instead: “It’s all good.” The next night you want to hang, text something like “I’m down to hang tn if you are.”
Scale: 5
Don’t look at me as a douche-bag with no feelings. This is directed toward each person in the hook-up relationship. Everybody has their own life stuff to deal with. Because you two are just hu’s you haven’t committed to helping them through emotional problems. Further, maybe the reason your hu hasn’t committed to a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship is because they don’t feel like they currently have the emotional capacity to deal with someone else’s issues, let alone their own. Maybe they have a tough family life. Or, maybe they just got through a break-up and love hanging out with you, but they can’t open as many vulnerable doors ‘cus it’s just too soon. Complaining about life to your hookup is a 99% turn-off. I assure you.
Instead: You don’t even need to talk about it if you don’t want to. Let a couple hours go by and bring up a new joke or DM them a meme on Insta.
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