Are you trying to get over your breakup? Being broken up with or breaking up with someone is one of the most trying experiences you’ll have, especially in college. Learning to live without your previous significant other is a tough transition but it’s crucial to make. Living in the past only makes things worse and moving on from the past will only help you to emerge as a stronger version of yourself.
You don’t have to be okay at first. It’s perfectly acceptable to be sad and to cry, or to be angry and need to scream into your pillow. Find a spot where you can spend some time alone, listen to some sad music, and let it sink in. You want to find closure, and the best way to find it, is in yourself. I took this opportunity to write down my exactly what my feelings were in a journal. This helped me remember the way his actions made me feel, so that the next time I saw my ex, I remembered why we broke up and I felt closure on our past relationship.
In my experience, I tend to morph into the person I’m dating and find myself trying to pick up the pieces of my old identity once it’s all over. Rediscovering yourself is allowing yourself to like the things you like that maybe your ex hated; it’s being able to discern what your truth is, not one that was dictated to you by a past partner. The fun part about rediscovering who you are is celebrating it. Maybe, the time that you spent with your ex took time away from a hobby that you truly loved. Channel your emotions into something that makes you feel at home, and your happiest.
I am a HUGE proponent of the break-up haircut. There’s just something so freeing about shedding the past in this metaphoric hairstyle choice. But you don’t have to lose your locks to exercise your new-found liberty. Maybe try a new style of clothing, change up your makeup routine, ditch makeup all together! Do something that makes you feel beautiful, and do it for you. It’s okay to be a little selfish after a break up, self love is important.
This is the part where you get to return/donate/throw out/burn all of the things that remind you of your ex. Take down the countless couple-y photos from your instagram, return his favorite book, (don’t be the ex who holds his favorite book hostage, we all have that ex) and burn the polaroids. This cleansing works on every level, you have a fresh space to embrace your recently rediscovered self, you have no distractions of your past, and you get to let go of some of the pain.
Okay, this is misleading. I’m not saying burn his house down, or cause any sort of drama. I was recently told by one of my girl friends some of the best advice I’ve ever heard: “Living well is the best revenge.” She’s completely right in this. The best medicine for a break up is showing your ex that you’re happy without them. Now, for me, this seemed nearly impossible because I was very hurt by the sudden end to my relationship. I realized that you have to start by being a bit of an actress; if you at least act happy in front of your ex, sooner or later you will be. Consider it like using training wheels or crutches, soon you won’t need to pretend to be happy anymore because you will really feel it. So feel free to wear your favorite jeans, swipe on some red lipstick, and strut right past your ex. They will definitely regret breaking up with you, but you’re just out there getting yours and living your best life.
This is one of the most fun steps in my opinion, remember those fun gals you used to only see on “girls’ night”? Well, they’re here for you now, more than ever, take advantage of it! Keeping busy with your favorite ladies will help keep your mind off of your ex while having a blast.
So some time has passed and maybe your ex has sent you a few messages here and there that seem harmless. In the spirit of moving on, it might seem wise to try and be friends with this person. FALSE, do not rush into being friends with your ex. This can stir up some old emotions and untie the closure that you fought so hard for. Radio silence will cause less drama in the long run even if it does seem a bit harsh at first. It’s important to be cordial in public and especially in professional circumstances, but don’t put yourself or the other person through a failing friendship because you weren’t ready yet.
Speaking of lady friends, get your gals together, get dolled up, and take some photos. Having fun with your friends, goofing off, and getting some new photos for your insta in the process? Sounds like a dream come true! In a continuation of “getting revenge” put a few of these hot photos to use on your social media and remind him of what he’s really missing! Plus, it’ll feel great to get those compliments from your family and friends.
Tinder was my best friend during my breakup. I put together a fun profile, picked out photos of myself that made me feel beautiful, wrote a flirty bio, and sent it out into the tinder-sphere. I swiped through guys with my friends and it kind of became a bit of a game. Receiving cute jokey messages from cute guys in the area really boosted my confidence, although my inner feminist hates to admit it. I loved the attention, and actually went on a few dates.
To quote my favorite Disney character, “Let it go,” I said this earlier, but I’ll say it again: letting go of the past will only empower your future. You’ve learned things about yourself from this break up, you’ve learned things about life, and now you’re wiser for it. Take this knowledge and be the strong successful person you’re meant to be, with or without a significant other.
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