Being a college grandma is a thing! Friday night rolls around and your friends are getting ready for another night out at the same fraternity house down the street. It is the dawn of an endless boozy weekend and yet it’s 9 P.M., you’re laying in bed under two blankets engulfed in a Netflix marathon licking ice cream off a spoon – Yes, you are a college grandma, but that’s okay. Here’s ten other signs YOU are the college grandma of your friend group:
Let’s be honest, you love and value your sleep. If you don’t get at least six hours of shut eye each night, your whole schedule will be out of whack. You will literally figure out a solution to any planned night out or study session in order to get to bed as early as possible. Anything past 12 A.M. is a nightmare.
In addition to always going to bed early, you wake up early too. You’re the first to rise and shine out of your friends. You value the importance of starting the day as early as possible in order to not “waste the day”. Go grab your morning coffee, you ray of sunshine!
Tea before bed is literally heaven in a cup. The liquid potion is pure magic at making you sleepy and calm right before you put your head on that pillow every night. You can survive without tea, but do you really want to?
The riskiest Friday nights involve staying up past 12 A.M. with your other grandma friends listening to music as you play board games and paint with each other. You are not ashamed of your wild habits, it’s just who you are.
Of course you have tissues! You also have tampons, pads, wipes, hand sanitizer, nail clippers, hand lotion, chap-stick, what else does your friend need? You are always prepared, even if it’s the smallest inconvenience. Going out on a trip or night-time adventure brings out the worse in you.
Dedicating your free Sunday mornings to the heaping bound of laundry each week isn’t a chore, it’s a time of contemplation. You love the mindless routine of throwing your detergent pods in the washing machine and watching the clothes spin around. Folding the warm clothing is the peak of relaxation.
You are deemed the wisest of your friend group. Maybe you don’t think you are the best advice giver, but your friends think otherwise. You always say the right thing and normally take a more mature approach to situations.
Okay, maybe you aren’t too out of the loop on this one. You own the essentials and have mastered the basic everyday makeup look. But what the hell is contouring? How did she get that perfect winged eyeliner? Why do I look a like a clown after I blend? How do I follow a makeup tutorial?
The mere thought of attending another event in college sounds draining and not fun. College football games, especially a BIG 10 game like Penn State? Maybe once, but no thank you. Your grandma body refuses to stand for anything longer than 4 hours while shouting the same chants over and over again. You’ll catch the game on TV maybe.
“Jawn”? “Clap Back”? “V”? “Sus”? What are these words? You definitely have your friends decode tweets texts from acquaintances, because the only slang lingo you know is “lit AF fam”. I swear you’re hip, just keep up with the trend waves every once in awhile grandma.
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