10 Signs You Have Immigrant Parents

Immigrant parents are unique. While they may be a handful at times, they sure make you laugh. Here are 10 signs your parents are immigrants.

First of all, I would like to confess that having immigrant parents is an empowering and proud situation. It means having different experiences, expectations, lessons, tips, suggestions, knowledge bases, and skill sets – a diverse asset of qualities that, although present in ALL parents, is particularly unique with regard to immigrants who have migrated their lives to a whole new world entirely. Yes, a different country, no matter how small, is a different world; the quality of edification takes on a whole new level, taste, and style. This does not mean local, native or any non-immigrant caretakers are any less remarkable – it just means immigrant parents share a different heritage and experience entirely.

Secondly, immigrant parents have quirks that seem odd to locals, but these are the very quirks that are sometimes used to define those parents’ childhood experiences. It was how they were raised, taught to live and educated; some qualities may appear different to others but are perfectly natural. These differences are an inherent part of their identity – but that doesn’t make them any less fun to talk about!

I joke about my immigrant parents and families’ idiosyncrasies on an almost daily basis – in strictly flippant terms. Through these witticisms, I realized how much they have sacrificed for us, how much they miss their old ways of life. I never cease to forget the choices they made and the doors they had closed for themselves, in order to open golden doors of opportunity for me – for us.

“Home is home,” to quote the amazingly breathtaking movie Brooklyn. No individual can understand this better than an immigrant (I expect disagreement and will state that every individual in the world can comprehend this feeling). We all love our immigrant parents, but it’s important to remember the few “qualities” and perks. Here are 10 signs your parents are immigrants!

1. STEM/Med/Engineering Bias

They believe anything that is not STEM/Medicine/Engineering/Law related is a crappy career choice. Liberal arts schools suck, so UC Berkeley, the school I attend, “fails to meet parental expectations.” The ONLY options are medicine, engineering, law, computer science, technology, health informatics and STEM-related careers. Social scientists, psychologists, technicians, nurses, even economists are professions fall under a pejorative category – at least in my family. Convincing my parents to let me take liberal arts courses in a wide range of subjects, including foreign language, philosophy and literature, had been easy in high school; persuading Mother that Scandinavian Mythology and Religion was a course that wouldn’t convert me to Odin’s Valkyrie took some creative thinking skills (yes, I desperately lack critical thinking ones even now).

2. Technologo-Phobia

They dislike technology or are weak with it. Apple. Android. ASUS. Facebook. Et cetera…

Be it any brand of technology, as long as it’s part of the “new generation” of the Millennials, and isn’t something they’ve grown up with since childhood, they will be highly uncomfortable with it. They complain often about how their thumbs never ‘understand’ touch-screen technology and how those Nokia keypad phones were so much more convenient. They appreciate WhatsApp at certain moments though, but they are brief and terse instants in time nonetheless.

3. Conservatism Coupled With Odd Curfew Hours

They are more conservative than average non-immigrant parents. Boys and the male species are exactly that: a very different species entirely. Interacting with them should be done carefully, as one can never quite be sure of their intentions. A girl must guard her private parts, or her “Polaki”. Yes, something like “curfew” exists long after high school graduation, even when one’s parents live out-of-state, or even internationally. One learns to cut events, activities, clubs and all extracurricular activities short or eliminate altogether. To some, it’s a blessing, and to others, a supposed curse.

4. Highly Admirable Idiosyncrasies

Some cases in point:

Hyper-sensitive noses (does the kitchen ventilator ALWAYS have to be on? “No, I did not cook popcorn today; I did yesterday, and you didn’t notice”)
Sudden heat strokes/heat flashes that can strike any time of day AND night
Mood swings….

These may resemble pre-menopause symptoms or signs of bipolar disorder, but they don’t have to be (and I hope, in all sincerity, not to be).

5. Trust in Stereotypical Beliefs

They assess personalities of entire individuals based on the stereotypes of their entire race. This is not common or representative of all immigrant parents, so please do not take offense of any of this content! It becomes difficult to change their “racial” mindset, and to convince them that the Irish are not lazy, that Asians are not any genetically smarter.

6. Heavily Sexist

They also believe that the domestic sphere belongs exclusively to women. Sex comes into anything and everything. Males can get away with things that females can’t because of their inherent gender? Divorce occurs due to the female in question; it’s by default. Despite modern technology and medicine, some parents may still believe that daughters are burdens in newborn households, female newborns – rather than male newborns – were born because of the MOTHER’S genes (it is the male’s sperm that determines the baby’s sex), and conditions such as infertility are always the result of the FEMALE’S inabilities (the female in question’s) and actions (or lack thereof, of the latter). We should all unleash our inner Mary Wollstonecrafts to such pithy notions and stereotypes.

7. Favoritism of Marriage (As Opposed to Celibacy)

They favor marriage more than celibacy – and they strive for it. It may be because it runs in the family, it’s more common, or because Mother Nature declares its inherent stability. What is wrong with remaining a spinster/bachelor? Of course, the risk of turning to prostitution or “Playboy”-ness increases by being so, perhaps due to the loneliness or lack of company/partnership, but it isn’t always so. Being single – for life – and dying old, knitting hopeless patches of clothing amidst the lonely midnight fireflies, rocking the mahogany rocking chair, can be very satisfying if one makes it so. Celibacy can be chosen, if one prefers. One can be happy and healthy just by oneself.

8. Dowry (Devil’s) Advocates

Immigrant parents may happen to think that dowry is an acceptable institution. Many family members – often from the husband’s side – take advantage of this institution until it strips the bride of nearly all her family’s financial value. If the bride’s family refuses to pay , they risk losing their reputation. It’s a lose-lose situation.

9. Believe Beauty is OB-jective:

They think beauty is objective instead of subjective and that ethnic/racial stereotypes matter because they are supposedly true. So:

Pale skin is superior to olive/dark-toned skin
Being thin and slim will always be superior to the ‘relatively chubby’ or ‘curvy’ body types. What if you’re an ectomorph or an endomorph?

The fact of the matter should be that:

The Irish are NOT tipsy or intoxicated all the time
Asians are not necessarily any “smarter” than any other race/ethnicity
Stereotypes are not to be followed

10. Scream on the Phone, Even in Public

They scream on the phone in public – even after the caller hung up on them. Immigrant parents may or may not have family members, close relatives and friends, and other loved ones living in other countries far away. If they do, it most likely means that Skype, Viber and WhatsApp become their go-to means of communication. If immigrant parents receive a phone call in a public setting, it usually makes for a highly entertaining show. It gets surreal. Hysterical – in a good way!

Immigrant parents also tend to have awesome jokes – all parents do, of course, but immigrant ones may have ones that are ‘ancient’ and only open to “insiders”. Esotericism, anyone?